Come Find Me
by When-Rabbit-Howls
Summary: After a breakdown that leaves him physically and mentally devastated, Shikamaru can barely see a reason to hang on; however, Neji refuses to let him go. Over time, Shikamaru begins to lead Neji back in time to the very beginning of when his hidden nightmare began... "A part of me has always wanted someone to come find me...to come save me...is that you?":Shikamaru
1. Breaking the Ice

**Greetings Dearest Readers,**

**If you have read any of my other stories, you will know that I'm not wonderful with updates. I want to deeply and sincerely apologize for this in advance. I like starting new stories and I work on multiple stories at the same time while going to college.**

****IMPORTANT NOTICE**  
-This story has triggers in it. However, this story needs to have those triggers in order for it to "work," so if you're not comfortable with this, then I honestly don't know what to tell you.**

****NOTICE**  
-I put all 4 teams together. Meaning, they train together and such. It's just something I wanted to do.**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Breaking the Ice**

One.

Two.

Three.

Deep and shallow cuts litter his left forearm.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Crimson pools from his wounds, dripping onto the white tiled floor.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

Shikamaru blinked, his dull brown eyes staring mindlessly up at the bathroom ceiling. The dim lights of the bathroom appeared to make the room small and lifeless as it reflected in his eyes. His slim fingers tapped lightly against the cool handle of his pocketknife, seeming to send an electric pulse of anticipation through his body.

He blinked.

The sound of the clock down the hall seemed to be amplified in the silent apartment.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

His left arm felt cold and wet as blood continued to slip slowly from his open wounds, dripping onto the white tiled floor.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

He looked down at his arm, his dull brown eyes not truly seeing or processing anything. The sting of pain pulsed through his arm and through his thin fragile frame, bringing relief in the process. He looked back up at the ceiling and sighed quietly, his pupils dilating as he felt himself drown.

**xXxXx**

_He opened his eyes and sighed in relief at he looked at the familiar surroundings. He laid in a field, black trees and bright white snow surrounding him. Even though there was snow, he was not cold. He turned his gaze up at the sky. It was light purple with light pink clouds. He smiled, remembering why he chose those colors. He had a weak spot for cotton candy and clouds always remind him of it, so he made the clouds pink. Light purple was one of his favorite colors because he found it to be so calming._

_He stood up and walked towards a large, dark blue lake that had no layer of ice on its surface. He sat down on the bank, tucking his knees underneath his chin. A breeze came and he smiled lightly as some of his shoulder-length brown hair blew into face._

_In this place, no one could touch him...no one could hurt him. In his world, it was safer. _

_As it has always been: it's him against the world._

_But it was in this little place inside his mind where he took a break from his battle with reality._

**xXxXx**

Shikamaru blinked rapidly, looking dully at the ceiling as he felt himself breathe again. He heard a clink as his pocketknife hit the floor, leaving dried flakes of blood on his hand. Sighing, he slowly stood and trudged over to the mirror.

As he stared at his reflection, he took out his ponytail holder, letting his brown hair fall on top of his bony shoulders. He ran his hands down his sides, feeling the slight bumps of his faintly protruding ribs and the slimness of his tiny waist beneath them. His doe eyes drifted lazily over his protruding collarbone and slim hips. He started to wonder how much longer he'll be able to hide his drastic weight loss. He's always been slim...but his current physical state would be considered 'extreme'. He didn't necessarily starve himself, he just never had an appetite and he couldn't force himself to eat without feeling nauseous [1]. So he didn't bother.

He turned around and looked at his back in the mirror, flinching. His spine and shoulder blades protruded, but that wasn't what he was flinching at. It was the markings on his back. Small, red horizontal lines lay on either side of his back, 6 on each side just below his shoulder blades and above his hips. But his dull brown eyes stared unblinkingly at the thin white lines on the center of his back that formed the word "whore". He sighed in frustration, pushing back the memory of how he got those markings. He ran a hand through his hair, causing it to fall into his eyes as he stared at the floor. As he felt his throat tighten with building tears and brushed his hand against his face to brush away the tears that had already slipped through.

**xXxXx**

"Ow! What was that for, Sakura?" Naruto whined, rubbing his head where Sakura just hit him.

"For annoying Sasuke!" She retorted, glancing at the raven, hoping that he was paying attention to her.

_Here we go again._

Shikamaru rolled his eyes as he fiddled with a piece of grass.

"Well, well, well Billboard-Brow, looks like Sasuke isn't even paying attention to you." Ino said casually, biting into her rice ball. Sakura growled at her.

"What is it with you guys and Sasuke?" Naruto asked exasperatedly, "He ignores you anyway, no matter what you do!" Ino and Sakura glared at him. Shikamaru rubbed his temples, feeling a massive headache forming.

"Naruto...shut up." He said, closing his eyes and continuing to rub his temples. Everyone looked at him, surprised. Shikamaru wasn't someone who would tell someone to shut up or even break up an argument. Asuma and Neji eyed the nin carefully.

_Shikamaru isn't the kind of kid who would get involved with something this stupid._

Asuma took a long drag from his cigarette, concern swelling in his chest about his student.

"This doesn't involve you, Shikamaru." Naruto growled, turning to Sasuke.

Shikamaru shook his head, causing his headache to become worse. He had an idea as to why he's been having intense headaches for the past few months. He developed a habit that caused headaches and other physical symptoms, but he didn't mind. He always needed some kind of physical pain to get him through the day, and he obviously couldn't cut himself in public or pick at the cuts because the wounds would bleed and possibly be noticed.

So he turned to prescription medications.

The medication cabinet in his apartment kind of looked like a pharmacy; a variety of anti-convulsants and sleeping pills [2] sat neatly in orange capsules, waiting for him when he got home.

Shikamaru sighed as Naruto and Sakura continued to shout at each other, the senseis not bothering to break up the fight since they knew it would be pointless. His heart rate began to rise slightly more as he clenched his teeth, feeling his anger begin to sizzle.

No one knew this, but he wasn't as laid-back and lazy as people labeled him to be, but the unmotivated label very much accurate. He's gotten to the point now where he didn't see the point in fighting for anything in particular. Since he didn't see the point in fighting for anything, he didn't which led to his label of being lazy. Same with being laidback: he didn't see the point in fighting for anything, so he just went with the flow when other people did.

But for some time, he's been more aggravated and been starting to not truly care who knew. He was pissed for events past and present, so what? However, he's never actually acted on his anger because he didn't want people asking questions; same thing with his depression. The biggest thing he didn't want thrown at him was questions. But he's gotten to the point where he didn't care about anything, including questions. He's been fighting everything and everyone else, so why not fight against questions as well?

"Naruto, quit being annoying and loud." Sasuke said coolly, glaring at him. Naruto fumed.

Shikamaru tugged at the sleeves of his black, long-sleeved, form-fitting shirt; making sure that the fabric around the holes in the sleeves he made to slip his thumbs through weren't ripping. Neji's sharp pale eyes caught this and he continued to stare unnoticed at the Nara.

"Don't tell me what do! Why do you deserve so much attention?"

"Because I'm better than you." Sasuke said simply, still glaring at the blonde.

"Alright guys, cool it." Kakashi said lazily, now deciding that now was a good time to stop any brash action from happening.

"But Kakashi-sensei, you can't deny that the amount of attention Sasuke gets is really annoying!" Naruto shouted.

"It's not Sasuke's fault though." Kakashi replied, trying to calm the hot-headed blonde.

"But he-"

"Naruto, I swear on all that is holy if you don't shut your fucking mouth, I will slowly chop off your fingers and shove them down your throat." Shikamaru snapped angrily, drawing everyone's stunned attention towards him.

_What's gotten into him? This isn't just a "bad day"…this is something much different._

Neji's eyes had widened slightly at Shikamaru's outburst, but he quickly regained control of himself.

"What's the matter with you, Shikamaru?" Naruto asked, worriedly. "First you tell me to shut up, now you're threatening me."

"I've had enough of you and," He stood slowly. "my intelligence is in danger of being lowered by this much stupidity." Shikamaru said shortly as he turned and began walking away from his stunned comrades. But Naruto wouldn't let him go that easily.

"Hey!" Naruto shouted angrily, his worry now gone. "Get back here, you asshole!"

"Naruto!" Asuma and Kakashi said loudly, jumping to their feet; Kakashi grabbing Naruto's arm as the blonde started to move towards Shikamaru.

"That's enough, Naruto. Cool it."

"But—"

"He's gone." Asuma said shortly, continuing to stare at where his student had walked off. Naruto stopped struggling.

"He didn't even care about what Naruto said." Ino said, turning towards her sensei. "That's pretty typical of him though: not caring about anything."

"Well he's caring about something so much that it's pissing him off." Asuma said as he walked away from them.

"Where are you going?" Kurenai called after him.

"Something tells me that something's bothering him."

**xXxXx**

He found Shikamaru sitting on the ledge of his apartment building's roof, looking up at the clouds. He approached his student slowly and quietly, not wanting to scare him or make him angry. He sat next to his student, turning his gaze up to the sky as well.

"Something tells me that something's bothering you." Asuma started, not sure how to behave when Shikamaru was like this.

"Brilliant deduction. Do you know what color the sky is too?" Shikamaru snapped back sarcastically, catching Asuma off guard.

_Something's definitely not right._

"Why are you so snippy today?"

"It's that time of the month." He shot back. Asuma sighed quietly. He's never seen Shikamaru so angry and stubborn before...and he never thought that those emotions existed in him.

"Shikamaru, what's wrong?" Shikamaru didn't say anything, but instead, he stood up and walked inside the apartment building, leaving Asuma more confused than ever.

**xXxXx**

"Well?" Kurenai asked as soon as she saw Asuma come near them.

"He's not budging." He sighed, sitting next to her.

"Shikamaru's being stubborn?" Ino asked incredulously.

"I never thought he could be stubborn." Choji added, looking at his sensei.

"Same here. We all have bad days…he should be fine tomorrow."

**xXxXx**

The sound of rattling pill bottles filled the air of the quiet apartment as Shikamaru placed 3 light-blue pills on the bathroom counter. He capped the bottle and placed it back in the medicine cabinet, closing it and catching his reflection in the mirror.

His brown eyes were dull and his face was thin, but what else was new?

He grabbed the 9 pills off the counter and walked towards his bedroom, turning the bathroom light off behind him. His cup of milk was already sitting on his nightstand as he sank down on his bed and picked up his cup of milk, and took the medication in 3 even gulps.

He was too weak and tired to take more.

Shikamaru rolled over and pulled his thick blanket over him, burying his face in his pillow and sighing deeply. His brown hair formed a curtain around his head as his eyes slowly blinked close as the medication and exhaustion took hold.

**xXxXx**

**Alright Gang,**

**[1]: True story. I'm this kind of person and I know that many other people are as well…and it's really annoying when I'm accused of having an eating disorder just b/c I don't eat as much or as often as I should. End rant. ^^;**

**[2]: An overdose of any kind is obviously bad, but the side effects of certain overdoses are much worse than others. Anti-convulsants (AKA mood stabilizers) have worse side effects than a lot of other medications b/c they're typically used to treat Epilepsy, thus dealing with brain electricity (usually). Plus many psychiatric and sleeping medications are potentially addictive. Thus my reasoning behind using these two meds in this story ^_^**

**[3]: This is what I do and a great idea if you also take medication. Milk coats your stomach and so your body doesn't recognize that you've taken medication, and it'll absorb it. If your body recognizes that a medication "shouldn't" be there, it'll usually reject it which is why you get nauseous. And I don't really know how to explain how a medication "shouldn't" be in your body. Ask your health care provider ^_^**

**ANYWAY, like I said, I'm doing a bit of editing with this story. Now, I won't be able to edit all the chapters in one go, so if you come across something that doesn't make sense, then that means that I've changed it in the previous chapters.**

**Reviews would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	2. The TimeBomb Begins Ticking

**Dearest Readers,**

"**I like you so much, I'd Dragon Kick a baby for you."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**The Time-Bomb Begins Ticking**

"There has to be something that explains his behavior. This is Shikamaru we're talking about. Sure, he can be unpredictable, but that's only with what he's thinking and planning...not his behavior." Kurenai said to the other senseis as they sat in a local bar drinking sake.

"That's the thing about him," Asuma said, looking down at his drink, frustration leaking into his voice. "You can never figure out what that kid's thinking. He's a brilliant kid…a genius. His mind works so much more differently than people his age, well…he's smarter than most people."

"Even us probably." Gai added, a slight joking tone in his voice but seriousness on his face. The other senseis nodded.

"Shikamaru has always been different from the other students," Kurenai said thoughtfully. "So what we may call a 'bad day' could be something beyond a bad day for him." Thick silence fell between as they looked up at each other.

"You're right, Kurenai." Asuma agreed. "Even though he, Ino, and Choji have known each other for a very long time, Shikamaru is the quiet 'oddball'."

"So what we see as a regular bad day could be something more than that for him." Kakashi said.

"Exactly, or he could be more sensitive than what he lets on and just things like that."

"Plus, this change in him seems to have just happened out of the blue." Gai reminded them.

"Yeah, there doesn't seem to be a trigger for the change or anything and if there was…we missed it." Asuma said as he buried his face in his hands, feeling overwhelmed because of his student. Kurenai stood.

"Another round?" She asked and they nodded without hesitation. She walked around the table towards the bar, gently brushing her hand over Asuma's back.

"Even though there most likely is something going on," Gai continued, taking a shot of sake. "Shikamaru isn't going to say anything about it any time soon." There was a collective sigh.

"Yeah, you're right. He doesn't talk about his personal life. I've known him for a few years and I don't know much about his personal life. Hell, Ino and Choji have known him longer than me and even they don't know much about his personal life."

"Even Choji?" Kakashi asked, surprise evident on his face. Kurenai placed a new bottle of sake on the table and sat.

"What about him?"

"Even Choji doesn't know much about Shikamaru's personal life." Asuma summed up, making her nod.

"Plus people who have a higher IQ than their peers tend to be quieter and to themselves because they tend to be more socially awkward, so that's probably why Shikamaru doesn't talk about himself." Kurenai added, making them nod.

"That makes sense. I don't really see Shikamaru as socially awkward though."

"Well no, but some people with a high IQ tend to be and I guess Shikamaru isn't one of them. He just sticks to himself."

"So…" Kakashi started thoughtfully. "If Shikamaru's best friend hardly knows anything about his personal life…then whatever he's hiding…" He trailed off.

"Then whatever Shikamaru's hiding is intense and dark…maybe." Asuma felt his heart sink at Kurenai's statement.

"So what if the sudden change in Shikamaru's behavior is caused by something that's similar to what he's experienced in the past?" Gai asked, making the others sigh.

"That makes sense too." Asuma said in a heavy voice. Kurenai capped the bottle of sake and stood.

"Come on, let's call it a night. I don't want a hangover tomorrow."

**xXxXx**

"Alright, Gang. Pair up with the person you were with yesterday and this time...don't use the same techniques repeatively." Kakashi said, seeming to be bored. Shikamaru sighed: it was going to be another long day. He felt nauseous as he stood, swaying slightly. This didn't go unnoticed to Asuma as he stared as his student stood in front of Ino.

"Did you see that?" He asked Kakashi, who was to his right.

"Shikamaru swaying? Yeah, I saw it. He's changing in a physical sense now."

"What do you mean?"

"He seems to be getting weaker."

"And thinner." Gai added, standing next to Asuma, watching Shikamaru barely dodge a kunai that was thrown at him.

"His reflects are much slower." Kurenai added, joining the huddle.

"So his behavior and physical health is changing rapidly...but why?" Asuma asked, everyone else asking the same question.

"Come on, Shikamaru!" Ino shouted, as Shikamaru pushed himself off the ground. "The least you can do is try to hit me! I may be a girl, but I know how to defend myself!"

He felt it: an intense emotion shifted in him, spreading to every part of his body. He straightened himself and looked up at Ino.

"Shikamaru!" Ino shouted again, "I understand that you're lazy, but this is ridiculous! Are you even trying or do you just can't protect yourself?" She hollered, everyone's attention now on them.

He felt his anger spreading, now creeping up his throat and filling his thoughts. He felt something shift inside of him, making his body burn as it intensified his anger even more. Soft warm air seemed to brush against his ear, as though someone was whispering to him. A pressure built behind his dull brown eyes as he felt himself drown.

**xXxXx**

_He was 8 years old and sitting in a dark attic, the smell of urine and something metallic floating through the air. He was huddled in a corner, knees tucked under his chin and face wet with tears. He shivered as a cold breath of wind came through the attic, brushing his bare upper body. His torn and dirty shorts were almost falling off his malnourished body, but that was not abnormal._

_The attic door opened and a man closed it behind him, grinning. Shikamaru tried to make himself as small as possible in the corner, but the man dragged him by the hair and threw him against the opposite wall. He let out a sob as the man handcuffed his hands around a pipe just above the window and tied his feet to a curved piece of wood nailed to the floor._

_"Listen here, Boy." The man said, bringing his face an inch away from Shikamaru's. "If you so much as scream while I'm gone, you'll receive the worst punishment of your life. You know the rules: Keep your mouth shut, don't try to break free, and don't fight back. Now, I'm allowing some friends to stay here while I'm away...I've told them all about you. If I hear that you didn't do what they wanted or even made a sound of protest...I'll make you regret it."_

_The man left him there for a week. The friends he spoke of did come to see him and he did exactly as he was told: Don't try to break free and don't fight back._

**xXxXx**

He blinked his eyes rapidly as felt himself breathe again, but his vision was blurred with tears. He clenched his fists tightly. He tried to not think about anything associated with the past; it was just easier that way. But of course, there were plenty of times when he wasn't allowed to do that.

"Shikamaru!" Ino shouted impatiently. "I'll punch you even harder if you don't move!"

"Shikamaru, I know you don't want to hurt Ino, but she's a big girl, she can handle it." Asuma called, no one noticing that Shikamaru had zoned out. He felt the soft warm air against his ear again, this time hearing dark quiet words.

_**Fight for the chance to be lied to again. [1]**_

He gritted his teeth harder as he heard Ino run towards him.

"Shikamaru! At least look at her!" Asuma shouted, trying to make the boy do something. They all stared as Ino's fist collided with Shikamaru's jaw, throwing him back a few yards. He laid there, his jaw throbbing in pain, simply staring up at the sky. He thought of the light purple sky in his little world and considered going there, but he knew he would be forced to come out again soon. He heard the others shout at him, trying to make him at least defend himself.

The anger reached its boiling point as the whispered words reverberated in his ears. He rolled backwards onto his feet and his fist immediately came into contact with Ino's face, throwing her backwards a good distance. Ino screamed in pain and he heard a small dark chuckle in his head. Shikamaru smirked as Ino sat up, holding her face as blood poured from her nose and lips. He stared as the crimson liquid flowed from her hand to the ground. He instantly remembered the metallic smell of blood.

_**Make her pay for what she said to you.**_

Shikamaru ran forward and Ino let out a piercing screech of pain as his foot collided with her face. She was now lying on her back, blood and tears pouring from her face. Shikamaru looked down at her, feeling satisfaction flow through him. He pulled the hair-tie out of his mussed hair, letting the brown locks grace his shoulders as the gentle breath of wind blew some of it into his dull glaring eyes.

Ino cracked her eyes open as her hands clenched her bleeding face. She felt chills cover her body as she stared up at Shikamaru, noticing the look in his eyes as his hair prevented the sun from shining in her face.

_His eyes…they look different. Shikamaru?_

Shikamaru grabbed her blonde ponytail and yanked her to her feet. He brought back his fist and began punching her repeatedly in her face. Asuma and Kakashi sprung forward, trying to get Shikamaru off of Ino. Kakashi wrapped his arms around Shikamaru's very narrow waist and tried to pull him away, but he had a firm grasp on her hair. Ino was sobbing uncontrollably as Asuma tried to pry Shikamaru's fingers from her hair, noticing that chunks of blonde hair were being pulled out. He caught Shikamaru's fist in his hand, preventing him from hitting Ino anymore.

Kakashi tugged harder, trying to get Shikamaru to let go and was surprised at the boy's strength. The others stared at the scene in front of them in shock. Neji's heart was hammering in his chest as he watched Shikamaru putting up a good fight against Asuma and Kakashi. He was surprised that Shikamaru could put up that much of a fight against two people like Asuma and Kakashi. He took a small step forward as his pale eyes filled with worry for Shikamaru.

There was a sickening crack as Shikamaru's knee hit Ino square on the nose, breaking it instantly. Ino screamed louder, her face no longer recognizable because of the blood. Kurenai and Gai stepped forward; Gai helping Kakashi and Kurenai helping Asuma.

_Where the hell did all this energy come from?_

Kakashi's thoughts were racing, trying to think of how someone of Shikamaru's size can have this much of energy to put up this much of a fight.

"Ino!" Kurenai said loudly. "We're going to have to cut off your hair!" Ino let out a wail, making them assume that that was okay.

Kurenai pulled out a kunai and dragged it through Ino's blonde hair just above where Shikamaru's hand was gripping it. Asuma caught her as she fell forward and instantly cradled her against his chest, Ino letting out screams of pain. Kakashi and Gai had Shikamaru by the arms and were dragging him away from her while he kicked and screamed.

"Shikamaru! Calm down!" Kakashi shouted angrily, not understanding what was making him behave this way.

Shikamaru wriggled away from their tight grip and Neji ran forward and grabbed his right arm, pulling him back. Shikamaru let out a small yelp of surprise as Neji pulled him back by his arm and then grabbing both of his wrists firmly. Shikamaru let out a cry of pain as he felt some of the stitches in his cuts on his wrists pop slightly because of Neji's grip.

Adrenaline rushed through his system as it mixed with his mix of powerful emotions. He fought hard against Neji, yelling in protest. He started kicking at Neji, but the Hyuuga dodged his kicks which made Shikamaru even more frustrated. He glared deeply into Neji's eyes, chilling Neji to the core.

"Don't...touch...me."

Neji's heart stopped as he stared into Shikamaru's dark brown eyes.

_What…what was that?_

Neji got distracted by Shikamaru's tone of voice and lost his grip and Shikamaru sprinted forward again. Neji ran as quickly as he could after him and was just able to wrap his arms around his slender waist. Shikamaru struggled again, but Neji kept his arms firmly in place around his waist, holding him close.

"Shikamaru." Neji whispered in his ear. "Shikamaru." He repeated, trying to soothe him.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Neji couldn't help liking the feeling of having Shikamaru pulled against him. Shikamaru's scent filled his nose and his hands gripped his arms to try and pry them away from his waist.

"Shikamaru." He repeated. "It's over now… please stop." He whispered in Shikamaru's ear, his warm breath sending chills down Shikamaru's spine.

The only sound that could be heard was Shikamaru's heavy panting and Ino's muffled sobs. Neji felt Shikamaru's racing heart against his chest, surprised that it could beat that fast. He quirked an eyebrow when he felt Shikamaru stiffen and leaned in closer, Shikamaru's soft brown hair brushing against his cheek. Neji felt his face heat up when he realized that it looked like he was nuzzling against Shikamaru.

"Shikamaru?" Neji's heart skipped a beat when Shikamaru collapsed. He carefully laid the Nara on the ground, brushing hair out of his face.

"What the hell was that?" Kakashi said, asking the question they all were wondering.

"What would've caused him to react like that?" Kurenai asked, staring down at him.

"I have no idea." Kakashi said as he tried to make sense of what just happened.

"He had a lot of strength in him as well." Gai added, Kakashi nodded in agreement.

"Yes he did. I've never seen anyone his size able to put up that much of a fight against not only us, but Neji as well."

Neji continued to look at the unconscious Nara in front of him from his position on the ground.

_Shikamaru...what's happening to you?_

Neji sighed quietly and reached up to brush hair away from his face, but stopped. Making sure that the others weren't focused on him, he looked down at his hand and felt his heart stop.

A thin line of red was resting on his fingers.

**xXxXx**

**Alright Gang,**

**[1]: "Lies" by Evanescence**

**Reviews would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	3. Emotion Expert

**Dearest Readers,**

**NOTE: Tsunade's the Hokage now...I just wanted to put her in here. ^_^**

_**-New character's thoughts (Identity shown in this chapter)**_

_-Shikamaru's thoughts_

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Emotion Expert**

"Alright, Guys. What the hell's been going on? I want answers _now_." Tsunade stressed the last word as Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai, and Gai stood in front of her desk. She rubbed her eyes tiredly, not understanding what happened to Ino when she was admitted to the hospital earlier today.

"We're not sure, Tsunade." Asuma started, choosing his words carefully.

"What the hell do you mean you're not sure? Ino's your student! You should've been supervising her! All of you!" Tsunade shouted as she glared heatedly at Asuma.

"Tsunade, please listen." Kakashi said in a slightly alarmed tone, trying to keep the peace. "What he means is that we know what happened to Ino...we're just not sure why it happened."

"What does that mean?" Her voice was laced with anger and curiosity.

"Shikamaru attacked her." She looked at him, stunned.

_No fucking way._

"Shikamaru...Nara?" Tsunade asked, not sure if she was thinking of the same person.

"Yes."

"The laziest kid in existence who barely puts in any effort?"

"That's the one." Tsunade buried her face in her hands, not believing that Shikamaru would attack someone so violently, especially a teammate and friend.

"You said that you guys aren't sure why he did that?"

"Right," Kurenai said, adding to the conversation. "He wasn't putting up a fight against Ino and she got angry and shouted at him. He was lying on the ground and I guess...something clicked in his mind...and he started attacking her." Tsunade processed this, still trying to grasp the fact that the attacker was Shikamaru.

"He's been acting differently for the past few weeks or so." Asuma added, grabbing Tsunade's attention.

"In what way?"

"He's been unpredictable." Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"How so?"

"He's had a shorter fuse, which is very out of character for him and I don't know him that well." Gai added.

"So Shikamaru has been having temper tantrums?"

"Not necessarily temper tantrums," Kakashi started slowly. "He's just been acting on his anger much more frequently and as Gai said, he seems to have a short fuse now." Tsunade sighed lightly and Kurenai bit her lip gently, feeling her protective womanly instincts kick in.

"He's lost a lot of weight as well." Kurenai said, breaking the silence.

"But he's always been relatively thin." Tsunade said, but they shook their heads.

"Not this thin." Kakashi said.

"His weight loss could be connected to him being weak." Asuma said slowly.

"And this change...it just...came out of the blue?" Tsunade asked, not understanding the drastic change of behavior in Shikamaru.

"Yea, there were no signs that something was going on in his personal life and he was relatively fine the day before."

"And he just changed?" They nodded. "You guys need to get him to talk before he does something drastic."

"He won't tell us anything." Asuma said, remembering trying to talk to his student on the roof a few weeks ago.

"Find someone he'll talk to. We need to figure out what's going on. If he can attack a friend and fellow teammate the way he did, he won't hesitate to do that to someone else. He's unpredictable, as you said. Figure out what caused this change."

"There's another thing." Kakashi said, not sure he if should've brought it up or not.

"What?"

"When Shikamaru started attacking Ino, I tried to pull him off of her as Asuma tried to release his grip on Ino's hair."

"And?"

"He…Shikamaru put up a much bigger fight than what's normal for someone his size." Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"Kurenai and I intervened," Gai added. "And Kurenai had to cut off Ino's hair to get Shikamaru off of her." He hesitated. "Then Kakashi and I pulled Shikamaru away and as Kakashi said, he was putting up a much bigger fight than what's normal for someone his size." Tsunade stood and leaned her hands against her desk.

"What do you mean by that?" Kakashi and Gai briefly looked at each other.

"Shikamaru is a little smaller than most 18 year olds, so he doesn't have a lot of muscle mass and—"

"His strategy skills are far more advanced than anyone in this village, so he's never really had to work on gaining physical strength because he knows how to overcome any challenge without relying on pure physical strength." Asuma cut in, remembering when the teams were first formed and how Shikamaru acted in terms of training.

"Very true." Tsunade agreed, nodding.

"Anyway," Kakashi continued. "Shikamaru was able to put up such a strong fight that he managed to make Gai and I lose our grip on him." Tsunade's head snapped up at them.

"What?" She asked loudly, disbelief in her voice.

"Then Neji jumped in and managed to get a hold of him." Gai added, continuing where Kakashi left off. "He managed to keep Shikamaru still for a little bit and Shikamaru said something, but we couldn't hear what he said."

"We haven't been able to ask Neji yet." Kurenai added quickly, noticing that Tsunade was about to chew them out.

"And Shikamaru was able to break free from Neji as well." Tsunade stared incredulously at Kakashi. "But Neji was able to get a hold of him again and Shikamaru eventually passed out." Tsunade sunk back down to her seat, holding her head in her hands.

"Where's Shikamaru now?"

"Neji took him back to his apartment."

"And where's Neji?" There was a moment of silence.

"Probably at the Hyuuga Compound." Tsunade looked up at Gai.

"Go find him and ask what Shikamaru said when he was fighting against him. It could be important."

**xXxXx**

"Neji!" Gai called, admittedly surprised to see his student mindlessly walking through the village. The Hyuuga stopped and turned to look back at him, his face remaining in its usual calm state.

"Yes?" Neji asked, already knowing what this conversation was going to be about. Gai chose his words carefully, knowing how Neji worked in terms of conversation.

"Neji, when you stopped Shikamaru from attacking Ino earlier today," He started. "He said something to you and looked beyond angry when he said it…what did Shikamaru say?" Neji hesitated, thinking through his response.

It wasn't what Shikamaru had said that made him concerned and confused, but it was how he said it and the look in his eyes as he glared through him. It's been causing more emotional turmoil than he would've liked to admit, since he's never been the type of person to "be one with his emotions". But over time, he had come to realize that he started to feel a particular mix of emotions whenever Shikamaru was around; and at first he tried to push all of that away, but quickly realized that it doesn't work that way. Eventually, he caved and kicked himself for a while before he settled on the reality of his situation:

He had developed a crush on Shikamaru.

At first, he was surprised at himself whenever he felt his heart briefly stop and worry swell within him when he would see Shikamaru get hurt during training. He realized that he started having a great deal of difficulty of keeping his eyes off of the Nara; his sharp eyes taking in every single detail they could. But it's when he and Shikamaru make eye contact that seems to have its biggest effect on him: it was as though Shikamaru was reading him somehow, and more than that, it was like Shikamaru was hiding deep inside himself.

"Neji?" Gai's voice broke through his thoughts. He blinked.

"Shikamaru said to not touch him." He said evenly.

"There's more to it than that." Gai retorted quickly. Neji paused.

"His voice seemed somewhat deeper." Gai quirked an eyebrow.

"Deeper?"

"A person's voice tends to become deeper whenever they're very upset." Neji said evenly. "Shikamaru was obviously very upset, so his voice got deeper." Gai remained quiet for a few moments, knowing that Neji wasn't telling him everything, although he did make a valid point.

"Alright, was he conscience when you got him back to his apartment?" Neji shook his head.

"No, I laid him on his couch and left a small note explaining how he got back there." There were a few moments of silence between them, Neji keeping his face passive. Gai inwardly sighed, knowing that he wasn't going to get any more information from his student, although he knew that Neji wasn't telling him everything that happened.

"Is there anything else?" Neji asked, and Gai shook his head.

"No…nothing at all."

**xXxXx**

He sighed in relief as he felt snow surround his body, making him feel safe. He looked up at the light purple sky that he missed and the pink clouds. He closed his eyes blissfully, never wanting to leave this place. He loved it here...he didn't want to leave...he wanted to stay here forever.

He slowly stood and walked towards the edge of the black trees to his right. He peered in through the branches, hoping he didn't have to go in there to look for what he wanted. He liked walking through the woods, he just didn't feel like doing it right now.

"Alecto! [1]" He called, his voice echoing through the trees. He heard a rustling above him and looked up, seeing Alecto sitting on a tree branch.

Alecto more or less looked like Shikamaru in a few aspects. His eyes were the color of crimson with the pupils like a cat's. His pale skin didn't have scars over it and his black hair was pulled into a loose ponytail, the tip of it resting just above his shoulders; his bangs barely covered a black cursive 'A' on his forehead as they fell slightly in front of his eyes, making them look darker.

"Yes, Child?" Alecto asked, his voice having a dark, demonic tone to it. Shikamaru climbed up and sat on the tree branch just above him, sighing lightly.

"I'm falling to pieces aren't I? Can I become any more undone?"

"Are you falling to pieces? In my eyes, yes. Will you become more undone? Possibly, however, I am fairly certain that it will happen eventually and it will be to the point where you cannot fall apart anymore." Shikamaru sighed, feeling his heart get stuck in his throat.

"I...I can't keep doing this, Alecto. I don't know what to do about anything anymore." Alecto looked up at Shikamaru.

"Child, let us analyze something for a moment." Shikamaru looked down at him.

"Analyze what?"

"That boy." Shikamaru tried to think of who Alecto meant.

"You're going to have to be more specific."

"The one who stopped you from attacking the girl."

"Neji?"

"That is the one."

"What about him?" Alecto smirked at him.

"I see the way he looks at you." Shikamaru felt his cheeks grow warm. "I can feel his aura. It is powerful and intimidating. However, when you are near him...his aura becomes gentle. When he prevented you from attacking the girl, he had you pressed against him...I felt his feelings pulsate through me...I felt his heart beat rapidly, but it was not with adrenaline...it was because he was holding you."

"I uh…" Shikamaru couldn't find the words he wanted to say.

"As I have said, I see the way he looks at. I see the look in his eyes. He seems to let his guard down very slightly whenever you are near. It is slightly, but I believe it is there."

Shikamaru looked up at the purple sky, thinking about what Alecto just said. He's never understood relationships and affection, so he didn't understand the feelings he was experiencing because of what Alecto had said. He thought back to when Neji had him pressed against his body and heard him whisper in his ear. He remembered the feeling of Neji's warm breath against his ear, whispering soothingly to him. After a little while, he began to calm down because Alecto began to calm down as well. But Alecto…

_Why would Alecto calm down because of Neji? He never actually calms down because of another person besides me._

"Alecto?" He asked, looking down at him.

"Yes, Child?"

"When Neji prevented me from attacking Ino...when he whispered to me to make me calm down...I did. But...why did you calm down as well?" Alecto chuckled.

"Oh Child, you are a genius in many things, but emotions are not your forte."

"Emotions?"

"You are not very good at understanding and processing your emotions, so you decide not to. You have been around this boy for a long enough time to 'get a feel' of what he is like, so to speak."

"I don't follow."

"Since you have been around this boy for a while, so have I. I am better at understanding and reading people more than you are, so that is what I have been doing with the boy."

"But-"

"Let me finish, Child. Trust is an important thing. However, this boy is gaining _my_ trust faster than yours."

"What? You actually trust him?" Alecto nodded.

"Oh yes, Child. He is a lot like you."

"In what way?"

"He has created a barrier in order to protect himself. He is from a noble clan, correct?" Shikamaru nodded. "Members from a noble clan are expected to be like each other, so the boy may feel like he has to be like the other members of his clan: passive. But as I have said, I can feel his emotions and they are powerful…especially when they concern you." Shikamaru's face became very warm.

"I...I don't think..."

"You do not think what, Child?"

"I don't think I can actually understand affection…and stuff." His face became warmer. Alecto moved from his branch and sat in front of Shikamaru, making him look at him.

"Listen, Child. This sort of thing is very new to you, so you are not supposed to understand it at the moment. The boy probably only shows real emotion when you are around and I believe that you are not supposed to understand why at the moment." Shikamaru's blush deepened and he chuckled.

"Since when were you an expert in this sort of thing?" Alecto shrugged, smiling.

"One observes, Child. One observes."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and leapt off the branch and landed on the ground, Alecto landing next to him. Alecto knew where Shikamaru was going and followed him in silence. After a few minutes of silent walking through the woods, they emerged on the other side. Shikamaru closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as a breeze blew his hair into his eyes. He removed his hair tie and allowed it to be taken away by the wind. Him and Alecto looked at the place in front of them.

It was a meadow covered with many different colors of flowers. Shikamaru created the flowers to be made of tissue paper because he's always found the plant to be very delicate. Pink, yellow, orange, green, blue, red, purple flowers spread across the length of the meadow, seeming to go on forever. The sky was still light purple with pink clouds and he turned his gaze to the right and laid his eyes on a medium-sized cliff that had a waterfall falling from it. They walked towards the waterfall, listening to the quiet lullaby it produced, instead of the sound of splashing water. Shikamaru and Alecto sat on a boulder on the bank of the waterfall, enjoying the sound of the lullaby. Shikamaru closed his eyes with a gentle smile on his lips. Alecto looked thoughtfully at him.

_**Child, our relationship is more complex and difficult than the potential relationship you can have with the boy.**_

**xXxXx**

Shikamaru slowly opened his eyes, surprised to find himself lying on his couch. He sat up and looked around, making sure that he was actually in his apartment. A piece of white paper caught the corner of his eye and turned to look at it, slowly getting up and walked over to read it.

_Shikamaru,  
You passed out earlier today and I didn't want to leave you on the training grounds, so I brought you back to your apartment. I hope you don't mind._

_~Neji_

Shikamaru's heart skipped a beat when he read Neji's name, feeling a smile pull at his lips. So Neji brought him back to his apartment…that was very nice of him. He wondered if anyone had volunteered to take him back to his apartment, or if Neji just jumped in and volunteered. He felt his cheeks flush red as he remembered being pulled against Neji's strong front, his arms wrapped firmly around his waist. But his heart then sunk when he remembered what happened with Ino. He understood why it happened…it was complicated.

Alecto and him had a complex relationship.

He felt a slight sting of pain and remembered that some of the stitches on his wrist had popped under Neji's grip.

_Shit. If he got blood on his hand, I'm going to be pissed._

**xXxXx**

**Alright Gang,**

**As I will continue to say, when you come across something that doesn't make sense, that means that I've changed something associated with that in previous chapters. I kindly ask for your patience as I continue with this story. I don't want to remove this story b/c  
1) I would lose all my lovely reviews  
2) I don't want to take the story away from all of you.**

**[1]: "Alecto" is part of a trio of Greek Gods. It means "the anger".**

**As always, reviews would be greatly appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	4. Mount Confusion

**Dearest Readers,**

"**Sorry, I forgot my lightsaber in my other space pants." ~Archer**

****NOTE**  
I have made MANY and MAJOR changes in this chapter. Honestly, this took me some time to fully edit.**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Mount Confusion**

He sat cross-legged on the ground, feeling the blades of grass gently poke against his pale skin. He fiddled with a piece of grass as he focused his pale eyes on a ladybug that was walking on a blade of grass not far from him. Neji could feel the tension of the others radiate off of them, clouding the air. He knew the cause of the tension:

Shikamaru.

It had been a few days since Shikamaru's attack on Ino and the blonde was bouncing her legs lightly because of nerves as she thought about her friend and teammate. An image of his face floated into her mind and she felt fear and confusion well in her.

_Why would he have done that to me? I know I was shouting at him, but that was to spark some kind of motivation…nothing more. Did I really go too far? There's no way._

"Where the hell is he? I'm going to beat him into a bloody pulp for what he did to you, Ino!" Naruto growled, Kakashi trying to keep him sitting down. Sakura wrapped an arm around Ino's shoulders.

"Don't worry, Ino. We won't let him get near you." She said, reassuringly. Neji's eyes narrowed slightly, feeling his anger rise as he firmly pulled a few blades of grass out of the ground.

"We can't shun him though." Asuma said, sticking for his student as he drew everyone's attention to him.

"Are you kidding? Look what he did to Ino!" Kiba shouted, pointing at the blonde for emphasis.

"He almost killed her and you're defending him?" Naruto roared, finally able to stand up. Neji bit the inside of his cheek as he concentrated on his breathing, wanting to keep his usual cool-head.

"We need to make him pay for what he did!" Kiba added. Neji couldn't resist; he needed to blow off a little bit of steam.

"Shikamaru would be able to hurt you more than you can hurt him." Neji said quietly, glaring at Kiba.

"What are you saying, Hyuuga?" Kiba growled, teeth bared. Neji, as well as everyone, knew the size of Kiba and Naruto's egos.

"Must I dumb everything down for you?"

"Shut up, Neji!" Naruto and Kiba shouted simultaneously.

"Alright, Guys. Let's cool it." Kakashi said, knowing that a fight was about to break out.

"Is he even coming?" Sakura asked, looking in the direction where they usually come from.

"He better not." Naruto muttered, still fuming.

**xXxXx**

Shikamaru sat in the trees next to the training grounds, debating whether or not he should join them or not. By the sounds of it, Naruto and Kiba really didn't want him there and he understood why, but he was still upset.

_**You have every right to be upset, Child.**_

_They have every right to be upset as well._

_**No they do not, Child.**_

_Why?_

_**You attacked the girl, yes; however, the girl brought it upon herself.**_

_She shouted at me, so what?_

_**Did the things she said sound somewhat familiar? Or at least the tone of her voice sound familiar?**_

Shikamaru thought for a moment, trying to figure out what Alecto meant.

_**The Stepfather.**_

Shikamaru felt his body freeze and blood run cold.

_W-what about him?_

He heard a small dark chuckle.

_**Child, the girl sounded a bit like The Stepfather, did she not? All the shouting…the hitting…**_

_Alecto, stop it._

_**But I am right, yes? The girl was very much like The Stepfather on the day you attacked her.**_

_Stop._

_**Remember what I said? You need to fight for the chance to be lied to again.**_

_But Ino wasn't lying to me._

_**The Stepfather did.**_

_She isn't him, Alecto._

_**Granted, but she was very similar, yes?**_

_Shut up._

_**No, I will not, Child. You remembered an incident that happened with The Stepfather, yes?**_

Shikamaru felt bile rise in his throat and it started to become harder to breathe.

_**Child, you must understand that you have the right to be upset. You must understand that those people cannot walk over you and only use you for your intelligence. That is what they are doing, Child: using you.**_

Shikamaru's heart stopped. What did Alecto just say? Were they, the people he was around the most, just using him? Even Choji, Ino, and Asuma? Could Alecto be right?

_**That man, Asuma, yes?**_

_What about him?_

_**He may have been your teacher for these past few years, but how much does he truly know about you?**_

_Well—_

_**That big boy, Choji…how much does he know about you? He is considered your "best friend," yes?**_

_People don't know a lot about me because I don't like talking about myself._

_**Except that you are extremely intelligent.**_

_Everyone knows that._

_**But what else?**_

_Nothing because I don't want others to know more than that._

_**Why is that?**_

_Because I don't! Why are you being abnormally annoying today?_

_**Although I do not like to see it often, I want you to be more than "a little upset."**_

_Why?_

_**Because it is justified and you never truly allow yourself to be upset…you make excuses for others to be upset at you.**_

_I don't get how this ties in with what you were saying earlier._

_**What part in particular?**_

_Them using me._

Alecto was silent for a few moments and Shikamaru sighed quietly, thinking that he wouldn't answer.

_**Who has fought for you?**_

Shikamaru was thrown off.

_What?_

_**Who has fought for you?**_

_Um…what do you mean by that?_

_**Who has truly gone out of their way to protect you..to be there for you. Who has truly tried to get to know you more?**_

It was Shikamaru's turn to be quiet for a few moments. He's honestly never thought of that. He considered Choji his best friend, but he's not exactly sure what Choji knows about him. He kept Ino at a safe distance from him. Asuma was his mentor and there have been a few instances where Asuma protected him…but he didn't think that that was what Alecto meant.

_**No one has, Child.**_

Shikamaru's heart sank and he looked down at his swinging feet.

_**No one has been there for you, Child.**_

_It's just been you and me, huh?_

_**Exactly, it has only been you and me for basically your entire life. **_

_I still don't understand how you see the others as using me._

_**No one has truly tried to get to know you better because you keep everyone at a safe distance, so they gave up. However, they saw that you have a very unique quality: an abnormally high IQ…so they prey off of that. Since people have given up in trying to get to know you, they only turn to you because of your intelligence.**_

_So people only want to be with me because I'm smart?_

_**More or less, and you know why they walk over you?**_

_No, why?_

_**Because you do not fight back.**_

Shikamaru felt like he just had the air knocked out of him. He began to shake as he gripped the branch on either side of him. The Stepfather's words rang in his head.

_But…but I'm not sup—_

_**Do not say that you are not supposed to, Child.**_

Alecto's response had come out in an angry hiss, sending chills down Shikamaru's spine. He knew that Alecto's already fierce anger was creeping past the sizzling point.

_**Get over there, Child.**_

_Where? To them?_

_**Yes, Child. Go. Now.**_

_Not if you're this fired up._

_**Go! Now!**_

Shikamaru flinched slightly as Alecto's dark angry voice reverberated in his ears; his body had become warmer as Alecto's anger began to seep through his skin.

_At least calm down a little bit. If you do, then I'll go._

_**Child…get your fucking ass over there. NOW!**_

Shikamaru flinched more violently, Alecto's shout causing his ears to ring. He felt heavy pressure start to press against his skull as his body temperature continued to rise. He knew Alecto was trying to break out.

_Fine, you fucking asshole._

_**Good. Hurry up.**_

**xXxXx**

"It's about damn time!" Naruto hollered as Shikamaru came into view, trying to hide emotion from his face, despite the building pressure in his head. Ino felt her heart stop in fear at the sight of her teammate. Shikamaru shook his head and sighed, looking dully at the fuming blonde.

"Shut up, Naruto, and stop being so loud." He placed his hands on his slender hips, slipping his fingers underneath his shirt. He jutted his right hip out, glaring at the blonde. Neji couldn't help but notice the small amount of Shikamaru's midriff was showing.

Shikamaru blinked his eyes slowly, feeling Alecto's fight against him heighten. His rising body temperature was making him sweat more than he would've liked as Alecto's anger radiated through his skin. His head continued to throb painfully, knowing that Alecto was getting close to slipping through.

"I can be loud if I want to! You never explained why you attacked Ino the way you did!" Naruto began to make his way towards him.

"Come closer to me, you fucking, repulsive, pathetic excuse of a human being. Come on, I _**dare**_ you." Shikamaru hissed in a dark low voice, sending chills through them. Neji felt his body freeze.

_That's exactly what he sounded like a few days ago when he told me to not touch him._

Naruto stopped dead in his tracks, staring transfixed at Shikamaru's dark flashing eyes that seemed to burn straight through him. Out of everyone who could've spoken in the tone of voice, Shikamaru would be at the bottom of the list. He, as well as everyone else, didn't think that such a strong dark emotion existed in the lazy genius. He never thought that he would ever see Shikamaru being truly angry, much less to this intensity. Everyone shared Naruto's thoughts as they continued to stare, stunned, at Shikamaru who was still glaring darkly at Naruto. Asuma felt his heart hammer in his chest.

_Where did this come from? Shikamaru never lets his emotions cloud his mind in any way._

Choji had placed a hand on Ino's shoulder and gripped in lightly, knowing that she was as scared as he was at the amount of anger that their friend was showing.

_I've known Shikamaru for years and I've never seen him this upset. What the hell brought this on? Ino shouting at him couldn't be the only reason, same with Naruto shouting at him. There has to be something else._

Shikamaru blinked and kept his eyes closed for a few moments, trying harder to push Alecto away to a safe distance. He began to breathe lightly through his mouth as his body temperature had reached an uncomfortable level. He clenched his eyes slightly, trying to steady himself as Alecto was now pounding against his skull, making his head feel like it was about to explode. He felt warm air brush against his ear again as Alecto spoke to him.

_**Child, release me.**_

_I can't. You're going to get too violent._

_**No I will not.**_

_Look at how hard you're fighting against me! If you're fighting this hard against me, then you'll kill everyone else!_

_**Child, release me! NOW!**_

_You say that I don't fight back, and he says that I'm not supposed too. Well I am fighting back!_

_**Not against me, you idiot! I'm here to protect you because no one else will! **_

Shikamaru's head twitched very slightly to the right, but this didn't go unnoticed to Neji, whose sharp eyes have been watching his every movement.

_**I know I said that you need to be upset and get angry when it is justified, but we both know that that is a unique process in terms of expressing it to other people! I promise I won't kill anyone, now LET ME OUT!**_

Shikamaru release a small sound of pain as Alecto's scream pierced his ears and made his head feel like it was just bludgeoned. Neji's heart briefly stopped at Shikamaru's moment of pain, wondering what was happening with the Nara. Everyone else was wondering the same thing as Shikamaru looked down at the ground, finally releasing Alecto.

He felt his body become light and hot as he felt his mind drown, glad for the feeling of peace seeping through him. Alecto roughly pushed passed him, shoving him quickly through the cold water-like barrier that separated reality from his inner world. Blissfully, he closed his weary eyes as he felt himself land softly on fluffy bright white snow.

**xXxXx**

They all stared transfixed at the Nara as a black aura receded into his forehead. They didn't know how to react to the feelings of confusion and unusual spike in temperature as he looked back up at them, a deep glare settled in his face. Neji's heart thundered in his chest as he stared at the person in front of him.

_What the hell is going on?_

Shikamaru's hair was now black and hung in a loose ponytail whose tip barely graced his shoulders and when he looked up, they felt themselves freeze as crimson cat-like eyes glared dangerously at them. The black cursive 'A' on his forehead caused their curiosity to spike.

"You," Alecto hissed darkly, glaring directly at Naruto, who was still frozen in place. Something in Neji's mind clicked.

"Y-yeah?" Naruto said hesitantly, hating the fact that he stuttered. Alecto took a slow step towards him. Alecto's dark crimson eyes turned towards Ino.

"You," He hissed again, causing Ino to start shaking.

"What are you doing?" Asuma asked as he stood. Alecto turned towards him, his black bangs falling into his eyes.

"Defending my Child." His response raised their confusion.

_Child?_

"'Child'? Shikamaru, what are you talking about?" Asuma kept any kind of emotion that could trigger something. Alecto's glare deepened.

"He is my Child." Asuma suppressed his sigh. Neji's pale eyes widened slightly.

"You're the one who said to not touch you." Neji said calmly, catching Alecto's attention; he slowly turned towards him and his dark crimson cat-like sent chills through Neji's body.

Alecto stared at him for a few moments, his glare seeming to lighten oh-so-slightly. Neji kept eye contact and his usual calmness in check. Minutes passed as Alecto continued to stare at Neji, silently analyzing him. Neji felt his heart continue thundering in his chest as Alecto's dark eyes stared through him, but now with a hint of curiosity. Alecto turned fully towards him and carefully took a few steps towards him, then slowly crouching in front of him as he continued to stare deeply into Neji's pale eyes. Neji felt his front heat up when Alecto knelt in front of him.

"Neji! Move away from him!" Naruto shouted, not understanding why the Hyuuga hasn't moved. Neji ignored him, but Alecto directed his eyes towards the blonde. He clenched his jaw and turned back to Neji, his crimson eyes holding something that Neji couldn't name.

"That is correct, Boy." Alecto said softly, his dark demonic voice officially sounding familiar to Neji. The Hyuuga nodded slightly.

"I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't think that it was…something like this." Alecto smirked, lighting a spark in his eyes.

"You are very sharp, Boy. I shall give you much credit for that. Your name is Neji, yes?" Neji was surprised that Alecto knew his name, but figured that it was best to not question how. He treaded carefully.

"Yes, and your name is?" Alecto was quiet for a few moments, analyzing the situation and making Neji think that he wouldn't answer. The others continued to stare at them with a mix of confusion and curiosity.

_Why is Neji talking to him like that?_

"My name is Alecto."

"And 'Child' is Shikamaru?" Alecto's smirk widened.

"Very good, Boy." He paused. "I never call a person by their name. My name for him is 'Child' and my new name for you is 'Boy'." Alecto continued to stare evenly at him and Neji knew he was being analyzed, so he continued to tread carefully.

"And you're why Shikamaru attacked Ino?" Alecto smirked slightly as Ino paled.

"In a sense, you are correct."

"'In a sense'?" Alecto released a soft dark chuckle.

"It is a complex thing, Boy." Neji knew Alecto wouldn't say anything more than that. Silence fell around them.

_**Child,**_

Shikamaru remained quiet.

_**Child,**_

Alecto sighed quietly at the silence that greeted him again. He figured that Shikamaru wouldn't want to talk to him.

_What do you want?_

Alecto briefly raised his eyebrows at Shikamaru's voice, but this didn't go unnoticed by Neji. Although the Hyuuga had just met Alecto, he knew that any sudden movements could be potentially fatal. But a thought was nagging in his mind that it's possible that Alecto's very subtle flash of surprise was somehow caused by Shikamaru.

_Alecto, what do you want?_

_**Child, this boy is somewhat different face-to-face than what I expected.**_

_Okay? What's your point?_

_**I have known him as long as you have and so I have observed him very thoroughly.**_

_We've talked about this multiple times._

Alecto hesitated.

_Alecto?_

_**He is safe, Child.**_

Silence.

Neji continued to eye Alecto, now seeing the slightly unfocused look in his crimson cat-like eyes. He started to put the pieces together and realized that for the past few minutes of silence, Alecto has been talking with Shikamaru.

_So I think I can safely say that Shikamaru and Alecto are separate from each other…that's interesting…no idea how that works, but it's interesting. _

He was slightly taken aback by Alecto's smirk.

_**Child, I can see the Boy thinking and I am sure that he just put something together.**_

_Neji is most likely the smartest person I know, so it's not truly surprising that he can piece difficult things together._

_**He is safe, Child…it is safe to let him in.**_

Silence.

_To here?_

_**For now, yes.**_

Silence.

"Alecto?" Neji asked carefully, bringing Alecto out of his conversation with Shikamaru. Alecto blinked his dark crimson eyes, bringing them back into focus. He smirked again.

"Yes, Boy?" Neji hesitated slightly.

"How's Shikamaru?" Alecto chuckled lightly, causing everyone else feeling their confusion mount. Gai eyed his calm student carefully.

_Neji's on to something. Whatever is going on, Neji seems to be figuring it out better than we are._

"He is fine, Boy. Slightly upset because we had a disagreement earlier, but he seems to have calmed down a bit." Neji nodded lightly.

_So they definitely are separate…there is no connection between them…completely separate._

_**Child, by the look in his eyes…he just figured out that we are completely separate.**_

Shikamaru was quiet for a few moments.

_Does it seem like he's putting other stuff together._

_**Yes, whether or not he actually is piecing things together at the moment is irrelevant.**_

_How so?_

_**He is a smart boy, he can piece things together in time.**_

Shikamaru was quiet again.

_Only for a few moments, Alecto._

_**You control getting him out, Child.**_

_I know._

_**Are you sure, Child?**_

_Yeah._

Alecto smirked and a new gleam light sparked in his dark eyes as he blinked slowly at Neji; he chuckled darkly, making Neji curious about what Alecto and Shikamaru talked about that would cause Alecto's reaction.

"You asked how my Child is, Boy?" Neji quirked an eyebrow and nodded lightly.

"Yes, you said he's fine." Alecto's smirk widened.

"How about you ask him yourself?"

Neji suddenly felt himself become light-headed as Alecto's eyes seemed to darken as his cat-like pupils dilated. He began to feel slightly panicked as he felt a drowning sensation fill his body, making it hard to breathe. The world began to spin as a new prickling feeling erupted across his skin.

_What…what's going on?_

A dark chuckle filled his ears as the world began to fade.

_**Welcome to our world, Boy.**_

**xXxXx**

He blinked his lilac eyes open and was surprised to find himself looking up at a light purple sky with pink clouds. He sat up and was even more surprised to find himself surrounded by snow, yet it wasn't really cold. Gingerly, he stood and looked around at his surroundings. He stared at the forest of black trees and redirected his eyes back up at the light purple sky as pink clouds lazily drifted by. He began to feel a sense of fear swell in him.

_Where the hell am I?__ What happened with Alecto?_

It was quiet and a small breath of wind blew, brushing some strands of brown hair into his eyes. He was confused by the smell of lavender and the strange sense of purity and tranquility that his surroundings emitted. A large, dark blue lake was not far from him, and he was surprised that the water was completely still, looking like a layer of glass lay on top.

_Damnit, where the hell am I? What the fuck did Alecto do?_

He looked away from the lake and turned to look at the black trees to his right. He sighed. He may not know what's happening, but it's better than staying in one spot. Sighing again, heavily, he walked towards the black forest, the bright white snow crunching underneath his feet. But as he stood at the edge of the forest, he felt uneasy as he realized that he could barely see into the black depth. Carefully, he placed his hand on a nearby tree, figuring that he could try to feel his way through the woods.

Feeling his way through the dark woods, he was glad to now have a little bit of light breaking through the thick branches to help light his way. As a breeze blew through the woods, he stopped dead in his tracks as he saw a slight movement on a branch near him. Even with his sensitive eyes, he couldn't quite make out what it was and a bizarre feeling had made him rule against using his Byakugan.

Neji carefully took a few more steps forward, his eyes glued to the movement on the branch just above him. He felt his arm stop as he saw a thin arm drop and dangle from the branch as longish hair spilled over the branch. Neji felt a feeling of relief fill him.

It was Shikamaru laying on a branch.

"Shikamaru? Neji asked tentatively, not wanting to scare him.

"Hmm?" Shikamaru wasn't surprised to hear Neji's voice and he turned his head to look down at him. "Come on up." Neji effortlessly made his way up to the branch slightly below Shikamaru and sat.

"Shikamaru, what's going on?" Neji asked, causing the Nara to lock eyes with him as dark brown hair fell in front of his eyes.

"It's kind of hard to explain and I don't really want to go into it right now."

"What about Alecto?"

"What about him?" Neji was thrown off by Shikamaru's quick retort. He hesitated.

"What's his story?" It was Shikamaru's turn to hesitate, choosing his words carefully.

"It's complicated." Neji hid his sigh at his frustration with Shikamaru's refusal to directly answer his questions.

"But you two are completely separate? You're basically two people in one body?" Shikamaru nodded.

"More or less, I thought Alecto's birth occurred about 7 years old; but from he tells me, he was actually born much earlier than that…about 14 years ago, I believe he said." Neji's eyebrows rose in surprise. He chose his next words carefully.

"Why was he born? How did that work?" Shikamaru was quiet for a few moments.

"That's the most complicated part."

_**How are you faring, Child?**_

_I'm kicking him out. He's asking more personal questions too fast._

_**Are you coming out as well?**_

_No._

Shikamaru sat up slowly and jumping to other branches and made it to the forest floor; Neji landing not far from him. Neji followed Shikamaru as he led them through the black trees in the direct from where Neji had originally come from. He cursed himself as he occasionally stumbled on something that littered the forest floor, not used to this environment. Shikamaru remained silent through their walk.

Neji was relieved when he stepped onto the bright white snow and continued following Shikamaru who led him towards the large dark blue lake. They stopped at its bank and Shikamaru stared down at his reflection as hair blew into his face. Neji eyed him carefully, his eyes wondering over Shikamaru's thin frame and noticed that his thumbs weren't through the handmade holes in his shirt sleeves. He wondered why he did that to his shirt, but later reasoned that he didn't want his sleeves to ride up during training.

"This is going to feel weird." Shikamaru said softly as he walked over and stood behind Neji. The Hyuuga looked at him over his shoulder and was about to ask him a question, but never got the chance when the Nara kicked his feet out from underneath him and shoved him into the lake.

**xXxXx**

Neji felt like he was being pulled from underwater after staying under there for hours. His head spun as he tried to control his breathing while his chest felt like it was about to explode. His heart raced and his skin felt a bizarre prickling feeling that slowly began to fade. He blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to regain focus. He steadied himself and opened his eyes and found Alecto sitting cross-legged in front of him with a small smirk on his face.

"Feels weird does it not, Boy?"

"W-what happened?" Neji asked, looking around him and seeing familiar surroundings. The others were shocked to see Neji so shaken up and Gai eyed his student carefully.

_Neji is probably the most calm and collected people here, so what the hell happened that made him get so shaken up? This Alecto person must've done something to him, but even so, Neji still wouldn't allow himself to show others how shaken up he is…this seems to be fear, which is something he never shows._

"What are you guys talking about? What feels weird?" Sakura asked, looking between them.

"Neji, are you alright?" Gai asked, concerned that his student was so shaken up. Neji turned back to Alecto with a questioning and confused look.

"They don't know what happened, Boy. It looks like we have been having a staring contest." He chuckled light as he stood.

"But...how long..."

"Were you there? Only a couple minutes. My Child did not want you to be there for too long and you were starting to ask questions that made him uncomfortable." Neji's heart sank, now realizing why Shikamaru was being so vague in answering his questions…his questions were making him uncomfortable.

"But how could they not notice? You said that it looked like we've been having a staring contest…but certainly there had to be a sign of what happened." Alecto chuckled darkly again as he looked down at him. Naruto let out a sigh of irritation.

"What the hell are you two talking about? Nothing happened! You two have just been staring at each other." Alecto's jaw clenched again and he darted his dark crimson eyes towards the blonde before looking back at Neji.

"It is a complicated thing, Boy, and I will not speak of word of how it works until my Child feels comfortable with the idea." He shoved his hands into his pockets and took a couple steps back, smirking slightly.

"Alas, I bid you farewell, for now of course." His dark crimson cat-like eyes drifted over the others, and narrowed dangerously, showing anger again.

"As for all of you, especially…certain people," Naruto, Ino and Kiba knew that Alecto was addressing them specifically. "I made a promise with my Child that I would not serious injure anyone." He paused and his glare deepened.

"I suggest that you tread lightly, otherwise I will make you pay…regardless of whether or not my Child gives permission to do so."

**xXxXx**

**Alright Gang,**

**Like I said, MAJOR editing in this chapter, so you know what that means: a lot of the things further into the story don't line up with what's been changed in this chapter. As always:**

**I really truly, from the bottom of my heart, ask for your patience and forgiveness.**

**I truly think that the changes I'm making now will make this story so much better than what it is now.**

**And as I've said earlier, the reasons I haven't taken this story off the site is b/c:**

**I would lose all my lovely reviews**

**I don't want to take the story away from you.**

**As always, reviews would be greatly appreciated. I know that my updates have been frustrating, but I haven't had many reviews in a while ^^; I like knowing that people are still reading this story and having reviews is incredibly nice. Even if it's just "Good job!".**

**Keep safe,**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	5. Bug In the Ear

**Dearest Readers,**

**-"Can I take a moment?"  
~"Take it."  
-"Done."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Bug In the Ear**

Shikamaru lay in his bathtub with his arm dangling over the side, his dark brown hair falling into his eyes and spilling messily onto his thin shoulders. He blinked slowly as he began to feel sleepy and nauseous; his fingertips brushed against the cap of a sleeping pill capsule and knocked over 2 capsules of anti-convulsants. He sighed and closed his eyes as he felt a familiar pulse start in his temples.

_**Child,**_

_Yeah?_

_**Let me come out.**_

Shikamaru focused on the familiar pulse in his head as he felt the familiar drowning sensation and his body temperature spike. A black cursive 'A' began to seep through onto his forehead and it began to glow in a dark crimson color, briefly making his forehead very hot.

"I know you are tired, Child." Alecto said as he sat on the toilet, looking at Shikamaru's frail body. He blinked his dull eyes open.

"So now that you got to meet them face-to-face, what do you think?" Alecto chuckled lightly.

"I think we both know who I dislike the most." Shikamaru snorted.

"Naruto, Kiba, and Ino?"

"Yes, not so much the second person because I did not hear him speak enough for me to fully dislike him."

"What do you think of Neji?" Alecto paused for a few moments, choosing his words carefully.

"He is indeed a very interesting person and as I said earlier…he is safe." Shikamaru turned away from him and looked up at the ceiling, his hair covering the black cursive 'A' on his forehead.

"He asked too many personal questions."

"Too many in number or too quickly?"

"Too quickly, I guess."

"That is understandable as to why that made you uncomfortable. I am assuming that you did not truly answer his questions?" Shikamaru chuckled lightly.

"Yeah, I just said it's complicated and that I didn't want to really get into it."

"What kind of things did he ask?"

"Where he was, what was going on, and what you're all about. But you were right in saying that he figured out that we're completely separate." Alecto chuckled.

"I thought so. He is a smart boy and as I said earlier: he will be able to piece things together more than most people will." Silence fell between them.

Alecto's dark crimson cat-like eyes drifted over the 4 medication capsules that lay next to the bathtub, his heart fell. Despite how much he wanted to, he couldn't stop Shikamaru's self-destructive behavior. He didn't have control over any of it. The fact was, out of the two of them, Shikamaru had the most control. Although he was very strong and fought hard against Shikamaru when angry, ultimately, he couldn't stop anything that Shikamaru did. There are only two ways that he could be released and have any sense of control:

When Shikamaru released him like he did earlier and when he was released like he was at the current moment.

However, there have been times when he won his fight against Shikamaru and was able to break passed Shikamaru's barrier…but those times did not happen often. There have only been a few incidents in which he broke free without Shikamaru's permission…and his Child always put up a good fight, like he did today.

His crimson eyes drifted to Shikamaru's sleeping form and softened. While they did have fights, sometimes violent, he deeply loved his Child and did everything he could to protect him. He stood and picked up the capsules off the floor and placed them back in their places in the medicine cabinet. Turning back, he quietly walked back to Shikamaru and gingerly lifted him out of the bathtub, cradling him against his chest.

Shikamaru continued to sleep against Alecto, his hair brushing against Alecto's jaw. Carefully, he laid Shikamaru on his bed and pulled his thick blanket over him and sat on the edge of the bed, his crimson eyes looking at Shikamaru's face fondly but worriedly. Brushing hair away from Shikamaru's face that was now forming a messy halo around his head, he carefully listened to his soft breathing to make sure it was steady before he went back into his Child's mind.

**xXxXx**

He slowly walked up the hill towards the training grounds, his dull eyes focused on his feet. He didn't know how to act now that everyone knew about Alecto and certainly didn't know how to act because of his attack on Ino. He sighed quietly and when he reached the training grounds, he realized that he was there much earlier than usual.

_Holy shit, I'm early._

_**I think a reward is in order.**_

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and smiled lightly at Alecto's comment. He sat down on the grass underneath a nearby tree and looked up at the overcast sky, sighing lightly. Blinking slowly, he began to hear the far off voices of his teammates as they walked up the hill towards him. He felt warm air brush against his ear.

_**Child, that blonde boy has yet to pay for his actions…same with the girl.**_

_You're not doing anything to either of them._

_**At least let me speak with them.**_

_No._

_**Just for a few moments.**_

_No._

He felt his body heat begin to rise as Alecto tapped against his temple, his anger being sparked at being told 'no' twice. Shikamaru closed his eyes as Alecto's fight against him increased, but he didn't hear a slight rustling to his right.

Alecto stopped fighting.

Shikamaru opened his eyes and turned to his right, surprised to see Neji calmly look back at him. His body heat continued to be slightly high, but the pounding against his temples had stopped. Shikamaru smiled slightly and briefly glanced over Neji's right shoulder.

"You're early." Neji said, smiling lightly and Shikamaru released a small laugh.

"I'm getting an award for it, apparently."

"From Alecto?" Shikamaru locked eyes with Neji. His temples began to pound lightly.

_**I want to talk to him, Child.**_

_No, you just want to come out because Naruto and Ino are almost here._

Alecto was quiet and Shikamaru sighed, breaking eye contact with Neji and looking back up at the sky. Neji hid his emotions carefully, noticing the very slight flush on Shikamaru's cheeks, as though he was hot.

_It's not hot or humid today…it's just really overcast, so is he getting sick? Fever?_

It clicked.

_Shikamaru seemed really flushed when we met Alecto and we all felt the spike in temperature…and I started feeling warmer when Alecto was crouching near me. So…Alecto seems to influence Shikamaru's body temperature and heighten the temperature in general, somehow._

_**He is putting more pieces together, Child.**_

"Hey!" Shikamaru winced vividly as Alecto crashed against his skull, desperately wanting to be released, as well as his body temperature increase even more. He closed his eyes, trying to calm Alecto down as Naruto made his way towards him. Neji was shocked at the sudden spike in temperature and already felt a small amount of sweat occupy his brow. His eyes narrowed at the blonde as he stood in front of both of them.

"You bastard," Naruto growled as Sakura, Sasuke, Ino, and Choji came into view. "You still have explaining to do." Neji kept his face passive even though his anger started to simmer. Ino stepped forward, her fear now completely gone.

"What the fuck, Shikamaru?" She shouted. "You have a lot of nerve coming back here."

"Why the hell would you attack your friend and teammate like that?" Naruto added. Choji stood behind Ino, hating himself for siding more with Ino and Naruto than Shikamaru.

"Guys," Asuma said, as he, Kurenai, and the others approached them. Naruto ignored him.

"You attacked your friend and teammate, you bastard! She was just trying to make you stop being a lazy ass and make you actually do something!" Shikamaru clenched his jaw as his body temperature reached the point that he was starting to sweat. Alecto continued to pound against his head, his fight against him becoming more intense and violent. Neji's observant eyes took in Shikamaru's hidden discomfort.

_**Child, let me out. NOW!**_

_No, I can't!_

_**Yes you can!**_

_You'll attack them!_

_**They deserve it. They hurt you and they deserve to be hurt in return.**_

_You might end up killing them._

_**I do have a sense of self-restraint, Child.**_

_Not much._

_**NOW!**_

Shikamaru grimaced slightly as Alecto's loud voice reverberated in his head, making his head feel like it was about to explode. He began to breathe through his mouth as his body temperature reached an uncomfortable level. Neji felt his worry spike when he could feel Shikamaru's body heat radiate from him and his cheeks began to appear more flushed.

_Alecto is trying to get involved somehow._

"Guys, guys," Kakashi said, finally arriving. Ino and Naruto had been trying to get Shikamaru to explain why he attacked Ino in the first place, while everyone else wanted to know more about Alecto.

Alecto growled darkly, scrapping against the walls of Shikamaru's mind as he continued to shout at his Child. He was trying to break through his Child's barrier and pull him back into his own mind. He was trying to protect his Child. Alecto sighed deeply. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

_**Child, listen to them yell at you. Now you cannot deny how similar they are to The Stepfather.**_

_Stop._

_**No, Child, I will not. You remember what The Stepfather was like…remember all the times he would shout at you? Insult you?**_

_Alecto, stop it._

_**Remember all the times he would hit you? Beat you until you bled? Sometimes beat you until you passed out? Do you not remember that?**_

Shikamaru clenched his eyes as images of his stepfather flooded his vision.

_Alecto, please stop. Please stop._

_**But you remember, yes? Remember the attic?**_

Shikamaru's blood ran cold.

_**Remember all the times he locked you up there? Remember how he would have his friends come over? Do you remember all the times they yelled at you?**_

Shikamaru released a small whimper as images continued to flood his mind. Neji's heart stopped as he saw a small tear begin to form in Shikamaru's eye. Everyone else stopped talking.

Alecto took advantage of Shikamaru's moment of vulnerability.

Neji winced as his front became really hot and a black aura wrapped around Shikamaru's small frame, making the Nara release a brief sound of pain and surprise. The Hyuuga moved to his knees and shielded his eyes as heat continued to bombard his body and the others around him.

"Shikamaru's doing that thing!" Naruto shouted, making Neji scoff. He knew that Naruto had to say something else stupid. Neji began to pant lightly as the heat seemed to be more intense than last time. He opened his eyes and saw Alecto sitting exactly where Shikamaru had been.

"You," Alecto hissed darkly, glaring deeply at Naruto and Ino.

Black hair fell in front of his crimson cat-like eyes, making them appear more deadly. No one dared to speak as Alecto kept deathly still and continued glaring unblinkingly at Naruto and Ino, who shook under his stare. Slowly, Alecto raised his right hand towards Naruto and Ino, his eyes continuing to stare through them. He smirked as he began to close his hand, a spark that shrieked death shone in his eyes.

Naruto and Ino gasped sharply and began to claw at their throats, panicked. A hot powerful force gripped their throats and began to squeeze them shut. Sakura knelt beside Naruto, who had fell to his knees, and placed a hand on his back, trying to regulate his breathing. Ino looked up from her place on the ground, her hands still clawing at her throat. Her face was turning blue as she looked pleadingly at Alecto, who was still smirking.

Neji was rooted to the spot, unsure of what to do. The front of his body still pulsated with an abnormal amount of heat that was radiating from Alecto and his sharp eyes roamed Alecto's face, never seeing such a deadly and intense look on the Nara's face before. Alecto's black hair was mussed in its ponytail as his extended arm shook slightly, slim fingers twitching with self-restraint to not completely close his fist.

_Alecto can easily kill Naruto and Ino right now…and it seems like he's trying really hard to not do that. From what I know, Alecto naturally has a killer instinct and he…_

Neji's eyes widened slightly and didn't pay attention to the sounds of choking and screams at Alecto.

_Naruto and Ino were yelling at Shikamaru and insulting him. Alecto's purpose is to protect Shikamaru and so…Alecto's here because he's protecting Shikamaru from further pain._

"Let them go!" Sakura shrieked, looking at Alecto with teary pain filled eyes.

Neji's eyes darted towards them and was surprised to see that Naruto and Ino were still conscience. Their faces were a dangerous shade of blue and they continued to draw in long gasps and gripped the people around them. He's never seen Naruto this panicked nor the senseis be so flustered; hell, even Sasuke was showing concern and a sense of panic. Neji looked back towards Alecto, who hadn't moved.

"Can't you do anything?" Choji yelled at his sensei who was cradling Ino against his chest. Kakashi glanced up at him.

"We've been doing what we can, Choji." Kakashi let the panic and frustration leak into his usually calm voice. Neji began to pant heavier as the heat spiked slightly, caused by a low growl from Alecto.

"Ino!" Choji yelled as the blonde collapsed in Asuma's arms, completely still. Neji's eyes caught the thinner look of Ino's throat…as though a heavy force had been squeezing it shut.

"That's it you fucking prick!" Kiba hollered, leaping over his sensei towards Alecto.

"No!" Kurenai shouted, barely able to grab his arm to prevent him from attacking Alecto. Neji understood instantly why she did that:

Alecto is primarily composed of intense rage. Attacking Alecto would make the situation worse and probably cause death.

_He's been wanting to get revenge on Naruto and Ino since yesterday…it was most likely Alecto that was causing Shikamaru's discomfort earlier: he was trying to break through and deal with them personally. I think Alecto said something to Shikamaru that caused him to break a little bit, but it was a big enough break for him to come out without Shikamaru's permission._

"Naruto!" Sakura shrieked as Naruto passed out against Kakashi, who turned sharply towards Alecto. His face was now passive, but his deadly glare was still in place. No one spoke as the two blondes laid passed out and lifeless in their senseis' arms. Neji then realized that he was not only sitting closest to Alecto, but he seemed to be on the best terms with him. He swallowed.

"Alecto," Neji said quietly, not wanting to startle him. His arm remained extended, but his crimson eyes darted towards him, barely hidden by his black hair.

"Yes, Boy?" Alecto hissed quietly, his body remaining motionless. Neji hesitated.

"I think that's enough." His heart stopped when Alecto glared at him. "I think Shikamaru would want you to stop now." He added quickly, hoping that Alecto wouldn't turn on him.

Alecto analyzed Neji carefully, taking in his facial features and body language. He noted the flushed look and thin layer of sweat on his face. His body language indicated that he wasn't planning on any kind of physical confrontation and emitted the sense of pure cool-headedness. Even though he was sure that Neji was having a lot of internal turmoil, Alecto had to give him credit for not allowing that turmoil to seep onto his face or into his body language.

There was the simultaneous sound of desperate gasps from Naruto and Ino as air penetrated their lungs, bringing them back to life and consciousness. Neji maintained eye contact with Alecto as he lowered his arm and folded his hands on his lap, black hair falling in front of his eyes.

"Thank God! Naruto, Ino, just breathe!" Sakura said, in a panicked tone, as the blondes now laid flat on the ground, stretching out their torsos to allow better air flow. Kakashi's eye roamed from Naruto to Ino, noticing the bizarre look of their throats. A few moments of silence fell around them, only the sound of Naruto and Ino gasping filling the air. They all waited for Alecto to speak.

"My Child would have wanted me to stop a long time before they passed out." Alecto said slowly, his dark demonic voice sounding strangely comforting to Neji.

"He didn't have much of a say in what was happening, did he?" Alecto smirked slightly.

"My Child has remained quiet since I arrived."

_You asshole._

"I retract my previous statement." Alecto said, both him and Neji let out a soft laugh. The others continued to stare at them.

"Shikamaru's talking to you?" A few moments of silence filled the air again as Alecto thought of his words carefully.

"You understand that, Boy?" Neji tilted his head from side to side, keeping his voice and facial expression calm and passive.

"I understand that you and Shikamaru are completely separate." The senseis' eyes widened slightly.

_**See what I mean, Child?**_

_I think the fact that we're separate is pretty obvious, Alecto._

_**But the Boy pieced it together first…as well as piecing other things together.**_

"You were choking them?" Neji asked, nodding briefly towards Naruto and Ino whose breathing had evened out and were now resting.

"Yes, Boy."

"How?" Alecto felt a slight pulse against his temple.

_**Child?**_

_I'm coming out._

_**No you are not. It is not safe.**_

_Alecto, Naruto and Ino are basically unconscious because you almost strangled them to death._

Alecto was quite for a few moments.

_**What will you do when you come out?**_

_I'm…not sure yet._

_**Child, my primary concern is keeping you safe.**_

_I know, but I just don't know what to say. After all that's happened, if they see me, they'll look down on me even more than they already do._

_**Do not worry about their reaction. It is mainly me that they are angry with, however, they are taking that anger out on you.**_

He paused.

_**Regardless of their reactions to when they see you, you will still have someone standing by you and supporting you in every way possible.**_

_You don't count, Alecto._

_**I am not talking about me.**_

_Who then?_

_**The boy.**_

Shikamaru's heart fluttered and he thought about Neji. He always knew that he had strong feelings for Neji, but he never allowed himself to feel or express those feelings. He wasn't in denial about the way he felt towards him, he just wouldn't allow himself to show his feelings because he was afraid of getting hurt. He wants to isolate himself, but have someone around at the same time. After all the hurt that he's experienced in the past, he didn't want anyone to get near him because he wanted to avoid getting hurt again.

This isolation and loneliness has been paralyzing and has, ultimately, fueled his cycle of self-destruction. It's always been him and Alecto, so why try to change that? As he was thinking about Neji's calm cloud-like eyes, he realized that he's never actually allowed himself to be happy.

_Alecto,_

_**Yes, Child?**_

_I've never really been happy._

_**I know, Child. But the Boy can change that.**_

_How?_

_**He is the only one who seems to genuinely care about you. He is worried about you and has pieced together things that no one else has. This Boy cares about you on a much intimate level, Child.**_

_You don't know that._

_You are right...I do not know this. But if you want to find out if he does...you will have to take that risk._

_Alecto, I think I want to be happy._

_**I know you do, Child. That is what you have always wanted to be...among other things. Happy, loved, and safe. And you know what, Child?**_

_What?_

_**The boy can provide that. He can make you feel happy, loved, and safe...you just have to let him. Trust him, Child. Allow him to break through.**_

Shikamaru remained quiet and Alecto he was thinking through what he just said.

Alecto slowly blinked his crimson eyes at them, lost in thought. He's always felt extremely protective of Shikamaru, always. He didn't want him to get hurt in any way, shape, or form. He looked at Neji from the corner of his eye.

_**This boy is something else.**_

He figured out a long time ago that Shikamaru held a place in his heart for Neji, but he never said anything about it. He figured it was Shikamaru's business and that he shouldn't interfere. He clearly knew how Shikamaru's emotions worked and how complicated they are. Because of this, he realized that Shikamaru wasn't going to confront his feelings for the boy on his own...he would need a nudge of some kind; hopefully he just put the bug in his ear. He knew that Neji could do amazing things for his Child, he knew it. He trusted Neji...and it was time that he knew that.

"Boy," Alecto said softly after a few minutes of silence. "This will feel strange."

"We're not going to that place, are we?" Neji asked quickly, not liking the feeling of drowning. Alecto chuckled.

"No, Boy. We are going somewhere else."

Alecto's crimson, cat-like eyes bore into Neji's, making him feel like he was being lifted off the ground. He closed his eyes as they shot through the air, Neji not knowing where they were going. He felt his feet lightly make contact with the ground and he opened his eyes, surprised to find himself on top of the grassy hill. He turned towards Alecto who was looking at the sky.

"Admittedly, my Child and I do not have a name for this yet." Alecto said, turning towards him.

"We teleported here?" Neji asked with a surprised tone, making Alecto tilt his head from side to side.

"I guess you can call it that. My Child and I discovered we can do this 'teleportation' a few months ago."

"It's a complicated process, right?" Neji asked, keeping the laughing tone out of his voice. Alecto chuckled.

"Yes, Boy. You catch on to this stuff quickly. The Child's always said you were smart." Neji felt his face grow warm.

"Why...why do you call Shikamaru 'Child'?" Alecto smiled slightly, sitting down on the hill; Neji sitting beside him.

"Because that is what I consider him: my child. Even though he was born before I was...he is my child and I love him dearly." Neji felt a smile spread across his face at the honesty that Alecto spoke in.

"Have you ever called him by his name?"

"No, I never have. Even before he knew of my existence, I considered him my child." He paused. "He will not show it nor admit it, but he is vulnerable at the moment." Neji's heart skipped a beat.

"Vulnerable? He's not...hurt...is he?" Alecto hid his smile at the sound of worry and concern in Neji's voice.

"More in an emotional and mental sense than a physical sense."

"Meaning?" Alecto turned towards him, seriousness in his eyes.

"The Child has suffered in ways that he will not talk about. He has never talked about his past to anyone except me, although when I was first born, I had to figure out the majority of his life on my own."

"He never talked about his life to you at first?" Neji asked incredulously.

"Not really, no. I figured out the majority of the Child's life by looking through his memories and observing him. I did not introduce myself to him until 7 years ago, but I was born about 14 years ago. I used those 7 years to observe my Child, learn as much as I could, and try to think of ways of how to introduce myself and the concept of his emotions and things of that nature."

"So you had to observe Shikamaru for 7 years to learn anything about him?"

"Correct," Alecto nodded. "He never actually told me about anything in his life. I figured it all out on my own." Neji stared at Alecto in slight disbelief, not believing what Alecto just said.

_Shikamaru didn't even know Alecto existed until years after his birth. Alecto had to observe to learn anything about him…is it really that complex?_

"Did you know why you were born in the first place?" Alecto hesitated.

"Somewhat, I had a general idea; but I did not know where the anger was coming from and why it was that intense."

"So can you..." He didn't want to finish his question, feeling guilty for even thinking to ask it.

"I cannot disclose anything that I know about my Child. However..." He hesitated, wondering if it would be the right thing to do.

"What?" Alecto looked at him again.

"You will be the one he is more likely to talk to." Neji felt his face grow warm again.

"Why's that?"

"I am sure you will figure that out on your own." Neji felt confusion run through him.

"I don't under-"

"Do me a favor, Boy." Alecto interrupted.

"What?"

"Do not give up on him. He had a 'realization' today and it...started putting things in perspective and making him truly think about things."

"A realization about what?"

"You."

**xXxXx**

**Alright Gang,**

**As always, sorry about the long wait for this chapter. **

**Reviews would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	6. Anger Meeting

**Dearest Readers,**

"**She liked everything miniature, which probably explains why we dated for 4 years."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Anger Meeting**

"Alright," Tsunade said as she pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. "What is thing you wanted to talk about?" The senseis stood in front of her desk, unsure of Tsunade's reaction to what they were going to tell her.

"It's Shikamaru." Tsunade looked up at them.

"What's up with him? Any more incidents?" Asuma tilted his head from side to side.

"He showed us something that we didn't know before."

"What's that?" Tsunade asked quickly, leaning her elbows on her desk.

"He has…another side to him." The senseis knew that he was talking about Alecto.

"Meaning?"

"The reason why Shikamaru doesn't really get angry is because he doesn't really have the ability to feel that particular emotion anymore." Tsunade wrinkled her brow in confusion.

"He can't get angry?"

"Something like that. He can, but not much of it. From what we were able to understand from what he said a couple days ago, his temper became so intense that it…broke away."

"Asuma, you're going to have to clear that up for me a little bit." Tsunade said wearily, rubbing her temples.

"There's someone named Alecto that exists in Shikamaru's mind. When Shikamaru's anger became so intense, Alecto was born." Kurenai added, putting it into the simplest terms she could think of. Tsunade nodded slowly, finally understanding what she was being told.

"How long has this Alecto been around?"

"We don't know. He could have been around for Shikamaru's whole life." Gai turned towards her.

"That's very possible, especially with what we've seen so far. Alecto's powerful and it takes years for that kind of power and intensity to build that much."

"There is something we need to consider though." Asuma said thoughtfully.

"What's that?" They turned towards him.

"How did Shikamaru's anger become so intense that another person had to be born to hold that anger and intensity?" Silence filled the office, each person lost in their own thoughts. A thought entered Kakashi's mind.

"Wait." He said quietly, breaking the silence and drawing everyone's attention to him.

"What is it?" Tsunade asked, hoping that Kakashi had an idea of how to get the answers to questions that continuously plague them.

"Neji." He said slowly, remembering the Hyuuga's and Alecto's interaction the both times Alecto made himself known.

"What about him?" Gai asked, knowing that his rival was formulating a plan.

"Remember when we first met Alecto?" Kakashi said slowly, making the others nod. "He seems to like Neji the most."

"Yeah, he did. Alecto seems to trust Neji, but no one else. Why would that be?" Kurenai asked slowly, turning her eyes up to the ceiling.

"Maybe because he's a bit different than the rest of our students?" Gai tried, not sure if she was even close to being right.

"True, Neji doesn't pester Shikamaru as much as the other students do…with the exception of Sasuke and Shino." Kakashi added.

"But Neji still talks to him?" Tsunade butted in, making Kakashi nod.

"Right, but…Neji and Shikamaru seem to…interact with each other differently than they do with the others."

"Meaning?" Tsunade asked quickly, everyone feeling Kakashi coming close to putting the pieces together.

"The day Shikamaru attacked Ino…he fought back against every person who tried to restrain him from the attack, including Neji at one point, but he was able to stop him. Neji said something…and Shikamaru eventually calmed down." Tsunade sat back in her seat again, crossing her hands in front of her face.

"So Neji seems to be the only person able to get close to Shikamaru without the risk of getting hurt or insulted, right?" Kakashi nodded. "So what should we do from here?" Kakashi looked at her.

"Since Neji's the only one who can get relatively close to Shikamaru, chances are he's more likely to talk to Neji than to anyone else. So what we can do is tell Neji to try to get closer to Shikamaru, see if he can get him to talk more…and whatever Shikamaru is willing to tell him…we could probably use that information to figure out what's going on and how to fix it."

"Do that then." Tsunade said, sitting up and returning to her business-like manner. They turned to leave her office when Tsunade spoke again.

"Send Shikamaru to me as soon as possible."

**xXxXx**

He sighed in frustration as he heard someone knock on his apartment door. He ignored it and wrapped his baggy gray sweater tighter around his slim body. The person knocked again, causing another sigh. He figured that whoever was at the door wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

_So troublesome._

He dragged himself out of bed and walked down the hallway to answer the door. When he opened the door, he was mildly surprised to see Asuma standing in front of him.

"Hey Shikamaru." Asuma said carefully, noticing the dullness of his student's eyes and his slumped shoulders. Shikamaru smiled weakly.

"Hello Asuma-Sensei, did you need something?" The weakness in his voice did not go unnoticed by his sensei.

"Actually, Tsunade wants to see you." Shikamaru sighed heavily.

_Great…now I actually have to leave the apartment today. Troublesome woman._

"Fine." He said weakly, wrapping his sweater tightly around him. Asuma's eyes narrowed briefly.

_It's pretty warm outside and his AC doesn't seem to be on, so why is he wearing a sweater?_

"She's not in a grumpy mood, so she shouldn't be that bad." Asuma said, trying to cheer up his student. Shikamaru smiled weakly again, moving to close the door.

"I hope you're right."

**xXxXx**

He finally managed to drag himself to Tsunade's office, wearing black running pants, a black t-shirt, and a crimson sweater that covered half of his hands. Shikamaru was surprised to see all the senseis in the office as well, now worried why he was actually called here for.

"Hi Shikamaru, come on in." Tsunade said nicely, trying to get on Shikamaru's good side even though she's never seen the 'bad side' of him. He sighed as he closed the door behind him, walking to stand next to his sensei with his hands in his sweater pockets.

_**She wants something from you, Child. Whatever it is, do not give it to her.**_

_I wasn't planning too._

_**Good boy, Child. We cannot trust her. She is a powerful woman, but just because she is powerful does not mean she is trustworthy and superior.**_

_True…she has a bad temper too._

_**Look who is talking.**_

Shikamaru smiled lightly as he made eye contact with Tsunade.

"Did you want something?"

"I did, actually. I have a question for you." Shikamaru felt a small pulse begin to beat at his temples.

_A question? She called me all the way down here for a fucking question? Who the hell does she think she is? Just because she's the Hokage, doesn't mean that she can abuse that power._

_**Amen, Child. You were actually able to relax before that man came to the apartment.**_

_And also able to take a nap without medication._

_**She does not have the right to make you go out of your way for her demands…especially when her demand is to simply answer a question. You know what she thinks?**_

_What's that?_

_**She thinks she is better than you. She thinks that she is much more superior than you. She thinks that she can control you and boss you around like everyone else does…like**____**he**____**did.**_

Shikamaru felt his blood run cold and his heart stop. His mind instantly began to have flashbacks over who Alecto was talking about. He clenched his fists and turned his gaze towards the window to his left, trying to make the flashbacks end. A deep glare settled on his face when he realized that Alecto's comparison of his stepfather to Tsunade was right…Alecto was always right.

_**Release me, Child.**_

_I can't._

_**Child, I will not hurt her. I will simply put her in her place.**_

_She's a lot stronger than you think._

_**I am sure of that, Child. But I will not allow her to treat you the way you have been treated in the past. I will simply not allow it.**_

_Promise you won't go overboard?_

_**I promise, Child.**_

He focused in on the familiar pulse in his temples and felt his body temperature rise. A small sigh escaped Shikamaru's lips as the black aura surrounded his body and he felt himself drown. Tsunade was on her feet, darting her eyes between Shikamaru and the others next to her. Kakashi's heart was pounding at the thought of someone like Alecto being in the same room as Tsunade. The clash of two extremely temper-mental people never ends well. Tsunade was taken aback at Shikamaru's appearance: black hair in a ponytail whose tip was just above his shoulders, a black cursive "A" on his forehead, and crimson cat-like eyes. He turned towards her, glaring, his eyes sparkling with intense anger.

Tsunade was shocked at the sudden spike in temperature, already feeling a thin layer of sweat break out on her skin.

"Woman," He said, his dark demonic voice filling the quiet room. "I kindly request that you do not harm my Child anymore."

"Child?"

"Shikamaru." Kakashi supplied, making Tsunade understand who Alecto was talking about.

"How am I hurting Shikamaru?" She asked, herself and the others not understanding how she was hurting Shikamaru.

"You treat him like he means nothing."

"That's not true." Tsunade said, already feeling her temper rise.

"It is true. You merely use him and care nothing for him."

"Alecto, is it?"

"Yes."

"Alright Alecto, I don't know what kind of words you use, but do you understand what 'shut the hell up, you have no fucking idea what you're talking about' means?" She glared darkly at him as Alecto glared back.

_**She is an annoying woman.**_

_See what I mean? Good luck winning an argument with her._

_**Child.**_

_Yes?_

_**What troubles you?**_

_Why do you ask that?_

_**I know that tone of voice, Child.**_

_I just wish I didn't have to be awake anymore._

Worry flashed across Alecto's face at his Child's words. The others noticed the unfocused look in his eyes and the sudden look of worry.

_**Do not say such things, Child.**_

_But it's true._

_**That boy.**_

_Neji?_

_**Yes, he is trying to help you, Child. He really is, but you have to let him. You have to allow yourself to become vulnerable in order for him to help you. It is people like this woman who bring you down and I will not allow her to do that to you.**_

_Just don't go overboard because I don't feel like coming out until we get back home._

_**Understood, Child; now sleep.**_

His eyes refocused on Tsunade, who was staring quizzically at him. The words she just spoke to him rang through his mind and he felt his anger flare dramatically.

"Do I know what I am talking about?" He asked anger evident in his voice. "I know more about the Child than you ever will. I know exactly what I am talking about because I know the Child's thoughts and feelings. You may think that you know him, but you do not."

"Tell me something I don't know about him." Tsunade said her anger and glare returning quickly.

"I will not disclose my Child's past and imperfections to you." Alecto said shortly causing Tsunade's glare to deepen.

"You say that because you don't know anything about him."

"I exist in his mind, how can I not know anything about him?" Alecto shot back, his anger continuing to rise.

"Tell me something about him…now!" She shouted, slamming her hands on her desk.

_This is not going to be pretty._

Kakashi thought, making eye contact with Gai, silently telling him to get prepared just in case Tsunade and Alecto attack each other.

_Alecto…just tell her something._

_**No Child. She does not deserve to know an intimate detail about you.**_

_She's not going to stop pestering you until you tell her something._

_**Child, I love you dearly and I refuse to disclose a personal fact about you to someone like her.**_

_Alecto, you don't know what she's capable of. She'll make you say something about me._

_**I do not know what she is capable of…but she does not know what I am capable of either.**_

_That's true. But Alecto…please just tell her something._

_**No Child, I will not.**_

_Alecto…please._

It wasn't what Shikamaru had said that struck Alecto to the core…it was his tone of voice. His voice was soft, weary…miserable. His Child was falling apart and there was nothing he could do about it anymore. He's always protected his Child, but he can't protect his Child from himself and his thoughts.

Over the past couple of months, he's felt his Child tearing at the seams…but now he was truly falling apart. He's never been through this experience before…the experience of not being able to help and protect his Child. He's never experienced what it was like to stand on the sidelines, not able to do anything. He's never seen his Child…fall apart…or break.

Alecto's face softened and he turned his crimson eyes towards the window to his left, observing the clouds. A small smile graced his lips as he thought of his Child and his love for the sky and clouds. He knew he had to tell them something about his Child…and he knew that it had to be something that he really didn't want them to know about…something that his Child wouldn't want them to know about. He directed his eyes back at Tsunade, who was still glaring darkly at him.

"My Child is self-destructive."

Whatever they were expecting to hear, it wasn't that. Asuma felt his heart drop at this, not believing that his genius of a student would do something like that. Kakashi eyed Alecto carefully, noticing his change in demeanor.

"How long has this been going on?" Tsunade asked, feeling her anger decrease as she felt relieved that Alecto had given them something about Shikamaru.

"Quite some time." He said shortly, looking out the window again. Tsunade was about to push him for an exact time, but Kurenai caught her attention and motioned for her to not say anything.

"Does he starve himself as part of the self-destruction?" Kurenai asked, making Alecto shake his head.

"Not really, no. Even though he does not eat very often, but he does not starve himself. But now that I think about it, he does not really eat himself. I make sure that he is fed."

"So Shikamaru doesn't eat anything…so you're responsible for making sure that his body is nourished?" Alecto nodded.

"Yes. I am not a big eater myself; never have been. But, my Child has always been naturally thinner than his peers."

_Alecto,_

_**I will stop now and leave, Child.**_

"He is hurting and I do not want him to hurt or to be hurt by anyone." Alecto said, his crimson cat-like falling on them.

"But what did I do to hurt Shikamaru?" Tsunade asked.

"Today was the first time he has left the apartment since the night before yesterday." Their wide eyes stared back at him.

"How is that hurting him? Wouldn't that be a good thing that I got him out of his apartment?"

"The reason why he has not left until today is because he was too depressed to move." He turned towards Tsunade. "You said that you had a question." Tsunade nodded, having to collect herself after receiving this much information about the supposed laid-back lazy genius.

"Yes, I do. What caused Shikamaru's anger to become so intense that you had to be born to handle it?"

"The reason behind my Child's anger is not for me to tell. If you want to know the answer to your question, you must ask him because it is not my place to tell you."

"It's something that he never talks about…isn't it?" Kakashi asked, feeling defeated.

"Yes, and it is a very complicated concept." He paused. "I was born 14 years ago, but he did not meet me until 7 years ago."

"How does that work?" Asuma asked quickly, causing Alecto to look over at him.

"It is a complicated concept." They sighed quietly.

"You're not going to tell us anything else, are you?" Alecto smirked darkly.

"At least the Boy is not the only one to piece things together…but he is obviously better at doing so."

**xXxXx**

**Alright Gang,**

**I hope this chapter was okay!**

**Reviews would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	7. Breakdown

**Dearest Readers,**

"**Watch out for those tempo changes, Man. Once we hit the second bridge, this shit takes off."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Breakdown**

He was worried to the point where he couldn't focus on anything else other than the source of his worry:

Shikamaru.

Neji sat on his window sill, staring up at the stars as they twinkled back at him. Shikamaru hasn't been coming to train with them for the past week. Whenever one of the senseis went to his apartment to check up on him, he never answered the door no matter how hard they pounded. Shikamaru ignored every single person who went to his apartment to try to get him to go to the training grounds and no one knew why.

_It shouldn't take too much effort to figure out why Shikamaru is isolating himself: it's about Alecto and everything that people have been throwing at him. There's only so much criticism that a person can take before they have enough. Since Alecto's purpose is to not only embody Shikamaru's anger, but to also protect him, he's most likely contributing to Shikamaru's isolation._

He sighed, thinking of the Nara's flawless face. The past few weeks have been unpredictable and intense to say the least. Everyone was slightly on edge whenever Shikamaru was around because they feared that Alecto would come out and do more than talk to them. They didn't want to have a physical confrontation with someone as intense and obviously powerful as Alecto, and they sure as hell didn't want a physical confrontation with someone who is the embodiment of rage.

Neji stifled a yawn and brushed his hand across his eyes to rid them of weariness. Although there were still many questions that needed to be answered, the incident with Naruto and Ino caused a relatively basic question:

What the hell happened?

Alecto admitted that he was choking Naruto and Ino, but he never mentioned how he did it. All he had to do was hold out his hand, start forming a fist, and then suddenly Naruto and Ino were being strangled within an inch of their lives.

_Alecto could've killed Naruto and Ino if he wanted to…I'm sure he did, but Shikamaru most likely told him not to do that._

Neji stifled another yawn as he blinked his cloud-like eyes slowly. The more he thought about that incident, the more it intrigued him about Shikamaru in general. How does the concept of Alecto work? They knew that Alecto is the embodiment of Shikamaru's rage, but what caused that rage and how did it become so intense that someone like Alecto had to be born to deal with it?

Shikamaru was a much more complex person than what everyone previously thought; with everything that's happened in the past few weeks, it was obvious that there was much more to Shikamaru than being a genius. And there has been an obvious fact that's been discovered about Shikamaru:

He was lonely.

From what Neji has been able to gather so far, it's always been him and Alecto. No one else. Alecto said earlier that Shikamaru had a realization earlier and he remembered how his face turned red when Alecto said that the realization was about him. While he was very curious about what the realization was specifically about, he knew that he would have to figure it out on his own.

He blinked.

He directed his eyes away from the sky and stared mindlessly at the street. He knew that Shikamaru needed some kind of help, but he didn't seem to know how to connect and trust anyone besides Alecto. Neji sighed and brushed hair away from his eyes, wondering what Shikamaru was doing and if he was okay.

A smile graced his lips as an idea began to form in his mind. Swinging his legs out of the window, he leapt onto the tree branch not far from his window. He glanced back, debating if he should bother closing the window. Deciding against it, he jumped down to the ground and quietly made his way towards Shikamaru's apartment.

Shikamaru may have been ignoring everyone for the past week, but he was going to make sure that he wasn't going to be ignored and pushed away.

**xXxXx**

Shikamaru allowed a sob to escape his lips as he looked up at the bathroom's white ceiling, his bare back against the wall opposite the sink. His brown hair brushed his shoulders as he ran a hand through his locks. He tightened his hand around his pocketknife, feeling the cool handle against his hot skin.

He blinked and gently brushed a hand against his face, clearing the tears but left a small trace of blood on his cheek. He dropped his head down and looked at the new self-inflicted cut on his left side, which was becoming tight with drying blood. He rolled his head over to his right, his dull brown eyes staring at the 6 prescription capsules lying on the white tiles. He let go of his knife and wrapped his slim fingers around one of the capsules and opened it, dumping 4 pink pills on his palm. Against his better judgment, he dry swallowed them and grimaced as he felt them slide down his throat.

Shikamaru coughed lightly and began swallowing heavily, trying to shove the pills down his throat until he couldn't feel them anymore. Running a hand through his hair again, he pushed his head against the wall behind him and closed his eyes, sighing. He tucked a leg up near his chest and he felt himself zoning out, so much in fact that he didn't hear someone knock on his door.

**xXxXx**

He knocked again and eventually reached into his pocket and pulled out one of Hinata's bobby pins, stretching it out and wriggling it around in the doorknob. He let out a sigh of relief when he heard the lock click and he opened the door quietly, not wanting to scare Shikamaru. He smiled briefly, glad that he actually stole a few of Hinata's bobby pins a long time ago just in case.

_You never know when you'll use something like them._

"Shikamaru?" He called, still not wanting to scare him. Closing the door quietly behind him, he looked around the dark apartment, taking in his surroundings. He knew that it was in the early hours of the morning and Shikamaru's most likely asleep, but he figured that it's better to be safe than sorry.

He strained his ears for any sounds and was barely able to hear a small sniff. His heart beginning to pound, he walked down the hallway to where a light was shining on the floor, from where he assumed to be the bathroom. When he made it to the door frame, he didn't know how to process the scene in front of him.

Shikamaru was sitting against the wall, tears slowly running down his cheeks, and facing up at the ceiling with his eyes closed. Neji was sure that Shikamaru didn't sense that he was there yet so he took the opportunity to look around the bathroom from the door frame. His sharp eyes saw the 6 prescription medication capsules to Shikamaru's right, as well as a blood-stained pocketknife. His heart pounded harder when he saw the wound in Shikamaru's left side, which was now crusted with blood.

_He must have done that a little while ago. Depending on the depth of the wound, it takes a while for the blood to dry up that much. But since that's obviously self-inflicted, it's most likely very deep._

As carefully and quietly as he could, he took a few slow steps towards Shikamaru and gently sat next to him, remaining quiet. Neji was very patient and he was very glad he had that quality as he sat next to Shikamaru. Sitting cross-legged, he stared straight ahead of him, waiting for Shikamaru to say something first while hoping he didn't scare him too badly.

Silence.

_**Child,**_

_I know._

"How did you get in here?" Shikamaru asked his voice thick with tears.

"I used one of Hinata's bobby pins to pick the lock." Neji said softly, glancing over at him.

_**See what I mean, Child?**_

_What?_

_**This boy went beyond what the others have done to get to you.**_

Silence.

_**The Boy is fighting for you.**_

Alecto's words struck a chord in him and he realized that he was right. No one else had broken into his apartment to see if he was okay. Everyone else just knocked on his door, waited for a little while, and then left. Even Asuma and Choji didn't seem to try to get to him.

No one else had tried to get to him except Neji.

No one else seemed to be fighting for him except Neji.

He then felt it: something inside his mind swelled and then broke.

He felt all his emotions flood him like a tsunami and his memories followed them. It felt like his mind and body were being torn in different directions and he reached up and gripped his hair, now facing the floor. Neji's worry increased as Shikamaru released a loud wail, making his ears ring.

Before he knew what was happening, Shikamaru was on his feet and heading towards the living room. He hurriedly got up and ran after him, knowing that he was in an unstable emotional state. Shikamaru screamed as he threw a kitchen chair across the room, causing it to break and leave a large dent in the wall. Shikamaru picked up everything that he could find and threw in the opposite direction of him, screaming at the top of his voice with tears flooding his eyes.

Neji knew that he needed to interfere, but he didn't want to get hit by a thrown object. He stared, baffled, as Shikamaru rushed to the kitchen.

_Holy shit. Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!_

Shikamaru's back was to him as he rummaged through a drawer. Neji's brow furrowed in confusion at the markings on his back; six red horizontal lines were on each side of his back on his shoulder blades and above his hips. But it was the marking on the center of his back that glared mockingly at him: "whore."

_Someone carved that word there…same with the red lines…who the fuck would do that?_

Neji was pulled from his thoughts when he heard Shikamaru slam a drawer shut. He carefully walked forward, not wanting to scare him. But Shikamaru felt him coming and quickly turned around, pointing a sharp knife at his throat.

"Don't come near me." He growled his voice dark and thick, his dead eyes seeming to glare straight through him.

_This isn't Alecto at all…this is all Shikamaru._

He held up his hands, indicating that he wasn't going to grab for anything.

"Shikamaru, listen to me. You don't need to get violent, okay? Just put the knife down." Shikamaru's grip on the knife tightened, causing his arm to shake. Neji kept eye contact with Shikamaru as he tried to hide his rising panic at Shikamaru's emotional state.

_**Child,**_

Shikamaru growled deeply and then screamed, whirling to his left, he threw the knife with all his strength through the window over the sink, causing it to fall to the street below. The air was knocked out of Neji's lungs as Shikamaru shoved him roughly aside, making his way towards the living room again. He heard Shikamaru growling and crying, but it was when he heard the clinking of metal that he sprang towards Shikamaru's location and stopped dead:

Shikamaru was on his knees, head bent over his lap with a kunai in his hands, which were shaking. He began to sob as Neji carefully approached him.

"Don't come near me." He repeated and Neji did as he was told.

Shikamaru began to shake harder; the overwhelming emotions coursing through him even faster now. He felt like his brain was about to explode and he wanted to crawl out of his skin to make the pain go away. A hard pulse began to pound against his temples.

_**Child,**_

_Make it stop!_

_**I cannot do that, Child! I do not have control over any of this!**_

_Make it stop! Make it go away! NOW!_

Shikamaru dropped the kunai and grabbed his hair again, screaming. Alecto couldn't make any of the overwhelming emotions, memories, and sensations go away. So what was he supposed to do now? He wanted it all to stop. Now.

He wanted to die.

He began rocking back and forth as Neji tentatively moved towards him and knelt down, debating if he should put a comforting hand on Shikamaru. Sensing that he was there, Shikamaru lashed out at him, shoving him hard in the chest. Neji was caught off guard and he fell backwards, hitting his head against the couch.

_**Child, let him help you!**_

_No! I want to die! Let me GO!_

_**Child! I will not allow that to happen! Let the boy help you!**_

_He can't help me!_

_**You do not know that until you let him!**_

_Shut up! Just make it all STOP!_

Shikamaru released another wail, pulling chunks of his hair away from his scalp, not knowing what else to do. He didn't know what to do or think; all he knew was that he wanted this to stop. He just wanted to die…right now…at this very moment.

Shikamaru's grip on his hair tightened and tears streamed down his face again. The feeling of being overwhelmed was indescribable and his breath began to come in sharp gasps. He continued tugging at his hair, chucks of brown locks being caught in his fingers.

He let out another screaming sob and when he sensed Neji at his side again, he lashed out at him again. He grabbed the front of his shirt and then shoved him as hard as he could, using all of his body weight. He shoved Neji roughly to the floor and landed on top of him, causing Neji's head to bang against the wooden floor.

Shikamaru rolled off of Neji and lunged back towards the kunai which lay forgotten on the floor. Gripping it in his shaking hands, he bent over and began rocking again, sobbing. Neji blinked rapidly, trying to clear the stars from his vision. When he realized that Shikamaru was no longer on top of him, he quickly sat up and hurried towards Shikamaru's shaking frame.

But before Neji could do anything, Shikamaru grabbed all his shoulder-length brown hair, tugged at it, and using the kunai…

Shikamaru chopped off his hair.

He slumped forward, arms stretched in front of him with his forehead pressed against the floor. The large chunk of hair and the kunai were held loosely in his hands as Shikamaru cried uncontrollably, finally breaking down. Sobs and wails wracked his body and he didn't try to control anything going on around him.

Neji was shocked stiff at what he just witnessed.

Shikamaru had a mental breakdown.

He stared at the large amount of brown hair in his hand and his shaking body. Carefully, he walked forward and knelt beside him, gently placing a hand on his shaking back. He rubbed Shikamaru's back, waiting for him to get every single pent up emotion released.

_**Trust him, Child. He is fighting for you. Let him find you, Child.**_

Shikamaru sniffed and opened his eyes, staring at the floor as he felt Neji's hand rub his back soothingly. He weakly pushed himself up into a semi-sitting position and then he threw himself at Neji, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck, crying uncontrollably into his shirt.

Neji pulled Shikamaru onto his lap as he scooted backwards to lean against the couch. He didn't say anything; he just rubbed his hand soothingly up and down Shikamaru's back, but he grimaced slightly when his fingers brushed against the self-inflicted wound in his side. Neji began to gently stroke Shikamaru's short choppy hair, making sure that it was away from his tear-stained face.

Neji placed a light kiss on top of Shikamaru's head and kept his nose and lips buried in Shikamaru's hair. He felt Shikamaru take a gentle hold of his collar, silently telling him to not leave. Neji tightened his arms around him, pulling him closer. Silence fell between them, only being broken by Shikamaru's ebbing sobs and the sound of the ticking clock down the hallway.

"Neji?" Shikamaru asked weakly, breaking the long silence.

"Yes Shikamaru?"

"Does…does anyone…know you're here?" Neji placed another kiss on top of his head.

"No Shikamaru," Neji whispered into his hair. "No, it's just us. Just you and me. No one is around to hurt you. You're safe…I promise."

**xXxXx**

**Alright Gang,**

**I know my updates aren't wonderful, but I'm going through review-withdrawal! Like I said earlier, just a simple "good job!" would be greatly appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	8. Introduction to the Dark Story

**Dearest Readers,**

**- "Spank me hard and call me Regis."**

***NOTICE*  
This chapter is one of the most important ones in the whole story. However, with that said, there are a few things that you need to be warned about:**

******CONTAINS DARK THEMES AND POTENTIAL TRIGGERS****  
-It's intense.  
-I torture Shikamaru.  
-There's a little more profanity than usual.**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Introduction to the Dark Story**

He had held Shikamaru close to him for what felt like forever, never loosening his hold. No words were spoken between them as Neji gently ran his fingers through Shikamaru's shortened hair, while said Nara sniffed lightly against his chest. The clock continued to tick, making Neji aware that it was now light outside; but it looked as though it was now very early in the afternoon.

_Has it really been that long?_

"I'm sorry." Shikamaru's soft voice broke the silence. Neji looked down at him, confused as to why he was apologizing.

"For what? You've done nothing wrong." Shikamaru was quiet for a few moments.

"I got blood all over you." He sniffed again. "And I was…" He couldn't find the words. Neji placed a finger beneath Shikamaru's chin and gently made him look up.

"That's not something you need to apologize for."

"I'm all dirty." Shikamaru muttered, looking down at himself, embarrassed. Neji smiled lightly, running his fingers through Shikamaru's hair one more time.

"Here's what we'll do." He said, drawing Shikamaru's attention towards him, a look of panic in his eyes.

"You're leaving?"

"No," Neji said firmly, causing Shikamaru to show signs of relief. Neji hesitated, now doubting his judgment. "Will you be okay being by yourself for a few minutes?" The panic was back.

"You said you weren't going to leave."

_**Let him finish, Child.**_

"I'm just going to grab a few things and I'll be right back." Shikamaru was quiet for a few moments, his dull eyes searching Neji's face. He gave a small nod.

"Yeah…I'll be fine." Neji searched Shikamaru's eyes, trying to see if he was lying. He saw that the Nara was uncertain, but not lying. His eyes darted to Shikamaru's left side.

"Let's get that taken care of first." He made to move, but Shikamaru stopped him.

"I can take care of it. I've taken care of wounds like it before." Neji felt a pang of guilt in his chest as Shikamaru pushed lightly against him to help him off the floor.

Once Shikamaru was off his lap, Neji stood and gingerly pulled Shikamaru to his feet, surprised at how light he was. Shikamaru let out a small sound of pain as the wound in his side stretched, pulling it open slightly. Neji noticed the tiredness and weariness in Shikamaru's face and eyes, but instantly assumed it was because it was caused by the overwhelming amount of emotional stress from a few hours ago.

_God, how long has it been since…?_

For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to say "mental breakdown." He pushed his thoughts away as Shikamaru pushed away from him to stand on his own. He ran a hand through his short choppy hair, the wide variety of different lengths made him glance over to the chopped off hair on the floor. He scratched his forehead, noticing that the longest length of hair just graced his cheekbones. He knew the hair on the back of his head was the shortest and he suddenly felt Neji's eyes on him. He looked over at him.

"I'll be fine." He said wearily, turning away from him and gingerly walking down the hallway towards the bathroom, hanging his head in embarrassment.

"Shikamaru," Neji called gently. He stopped and looked back at him, his eyes holding no emotion. "Be careful. I'll be back as soon as I can." Shikamaru looked back at the floor and continued towards the bathroom, Neji staring after him briefly. He made his way towards the door and stepped out into the sunlight and closed the door behind him, wincing at the sudden sunlight.

He leapt over the rail and landed on the roof of a nearby building, instantly making his way back to the Hyuuga compound. Worry was etched heavily into his features as he moved as fast as he could over the rooftops; however, he felt a small spark of relief when he remembered that he left his window open.

**xXxXx**

"And he won't answer the door?" Tsunade clarified with her face in her hands, causing the senseis to nod.

"We considered forcing our way in…but we figured that Alecto would most likely attack us if we did." Kakashi said, making Tsunade look up at them.

"Smart move," Tsunade said, remembering her own encounter with Alecto. "No one else needs to get hurt because of him." The senseis heard the anger in her voice.

"Alecto's doing one of the things he was apparently born for," Kakashi started carefully. Tsunade slammed her hands on her desk.

"And what would that be?" She shouted. "Attacking people to the point where they almost die? Please, Kakashi, explain that concept to me!" Asuma came to Kakashi's defense.

"What he means is that one of the things that Alecto was apparently born to do is protect Shikamaru at all costs, even if it means hurting other people."

"Also," Gai added. "Alecto is the embodiment of intense rage…very, very powerful and intense rage."

"Plus Naruto and Ino were yelling at him and insulting him, so Alecto needed to protect Shikamaru from all of that." Kakashi said.

"He was showing physical discomfort, so Shikamaru might have been fighting against Alecto and it seemed like Alecto was able to force himself out." Asuma said thoughtfully, making Tsunade calm down slightly.

"How could all of this have happened?" She slumped back in her seat.

"It all just seemed to happen out of the blue," Asuma started. "There didn't seem to be a reason for all of this to start happening."

"No, I mean this whole Alecto thing." Tsunade corrected, rubbing her eyes. "Granted, Shikamaru acting out did seem to happen out of the blue, but how does Alecto work? How was he 'born'?"

"All we really know right now is that he's the embodiment of Shikamaru's intense rage and one of his 'reasons' are to protect Shikamaru at all costs."

"Plus we need to think about how Shikamaru became so angry and hateful that a whole other being had to be created to handle it." Gai reminded them, causing a collective sigh.

"But he never gave us a reason as to why he's not coming to train with everyone." Asuma said, worry evident in his voice.

"He just suddenly stopped showing up?" They nodded as Tsunade sighed heavily. "Gai, have you been able to talk to Neji about trying to get Shikamaru to open up to him?"

"Not…exactly." Gai said slowly, remembering the conversation he had with his student not long ago.

"Not exactly? Meaning?"

"When I got his attention, he seemed to know exactly what I was going to ask him."

"What would that be?"

"What Shikamaru said to him when he was trying to attack Ino." Tsunade nodded. "Neji's a brilliant kid and he's a master at keeping a very passive facial expression." They all made a sound of agreement.

"So he didn't really say anything?"

"Well, he told me what Shikamaru said and that his voice was deeper, but it seemed like there was more to it than that."

"What did he say?"

"Apparently Shikamaru only said to not touch him." Kakashi glanced over at him.

"The first time we met Alecto," He started slowly. "Neji asked if it was Alecto who told him to not touch him."

"Now that you mention it," Asuma added. "If Neji said that Shikamaru's voice seemed deeper, then it probably wasn't him who said that."

"And Alecto has a deeper voice,"

"Plus he admitted that he's the reason why Shikamaru attacked Ino, even though he also said that it's a complex thing." Gai said quickly, just as the office door opened and Kurenai walked in, followed by Hinata.

"Hi, Hinata, come on in." Tsunade said kindly, knowing that the girl was extremely shy and timid. Hinata stood next to her sensei in front of Tsunade's desk, fiddling with her fingers.

"W-was there s-s-something that y-you n-needed?" She stuttered, looking at the window behind the Hokage.

"There is actually, Hinata. I need to ask you something about your cousin." Hinata's eyes darted towards Tsunade's.

"N-Neji?"

"That's the one, Dear."

"W-what would y-you like t-to ask?" Tsunade sat up in her chair, smiling slightly.

"Well Hinata, do you know where Neji is right now?" Hinata thought about it for a moment.

"W-well, I h-haven't seen h-h-him since y-yesterday." She fiddled with her fingers.

"So, you're not sure?" Hinata nodded.

"Y-yes, but w-when I did s-see him, h-he seemed to b-be b-b-bothered about s-something."

"Do you have any idea what he would be bothered about?"

"Shikamaru probably." Kurenai said, placing a hand on her students shoulder. "Everyone's been bothered by what's been happening with him lately." Tsunade nodded as Hinata looked thoughtfully down at the floor.

"W-w-w-well," Hinata started again, her stutter much worse.

"Yes Hinata?" Kurenai asked, trying to make her student as comfortable as possible.

"I t-think I s-saw h-h-him earlier t-today." Tsunade sat up in her seat.

"When?"

"When I-I was l-leaving the c-c-compound to c-come h-here."

"Was he on his way towards the compound?" Hinata nodded and coughed slightly.

"Y-yes, he w-w-was a-actually c-c-climbing into h-his b-b-bedroom window." They quirked an eyebrow.

"Around what time was this?"

"A-about n-noon, I t-think." There were a few moments of silence and Gai glanced at Tsunade's office clock.

"It's 12:45pm right now. Do you think Neji will still be at the compound?" Hinata shook her head.

"H-he doesn't u-u-usually stay at t-the c-c-compound d-during the d-day."

"Do you have an idea where he could be right now?" Hinata was quiet, looking down at the floor. They took her silence as a 'no.'

"It's alright, Hinata." Kurenai said comfortingly, leading her back towards the door.

"Thanks for your help, Hinata." Tsunade called after them, hiding her anger at not knowing where Neji was. Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets and looked up at the ceiling.

"We can't move forward until we find Neji."

**xXxXx**

True to his word, Neji was back at Shikamaru's apartment in record time. He slipped off his shoes by the door and dropped his bag on the floor, walking into the living room. The apartment was quiet, so he assumed that Shikamaru had already taken a shower and was just getting dressed. He finally took the time to stop and look around Shikamaru's apartment.

His eyes landed on the kunai and hair still lying on the floor. Visions of what happened mere hours ago floated through his mind. He shook his head lightly as he noticed that Shikamaru hardly had anything that would pertain to his family and other personal aspects of his life. However, a silver frame caught his eyes on the bookshelf and he walked over and stood in front of it.

When he looked at it, he realized that it was a picture frame that held two pictures, which both showed a woman and a young child. Neji felt a small smile grace his face as he stared at the child-version of Shikamaru, his body seeming to relax at Shikamaru's bright, warm smile. As he stared at the innocent-looking child, he tried to figure out how old Shikamaru was in both of the pictures, wondering if Alecto had existed when they were taken.

Neji's eyes drifted over to the woman who shared many characteristics with Shikamaru. The woman had long dark hair that flowed down her back and bangs that hung slightly in her bright emerald green eyes. Neji realized that the woman was Shikamaru's mother; but he also realized that there was no one in either picture that resembled a father-figure.

_So Shikamaru was raised by a single mother?_

His smile grew slightly when he recognized the location of where the picture on the right was taken. Shikamaru and his mother were sitting on a pale-blue blanket in front of a pond in the park just inside the village. It looked as though it was early spring judging by the light jackets they both wore. Neji chuckled softly, but his heart was warmed as he saw how Shikamaru's mother held him so close to her with her arms wrapped tightly around his stomach and chest, her chin resting on Shikamaru's right shoulder. Shikamaru had his hands tugging at his mother's arm that was around his chest, his dark brown hair falling into his eyes as him and his mother smiled brightly at the camera.

_It looks like he's about 8 or 9 years old when this picture was taken. Shikamaru's about 19 years old now, so if Alecto was born 14 years ago…then he was born about 4 or 5 years before this was taken._

Neji felt an odd chill run through his body.

_Shikamaru has no idea that Alecto even exists at this point and it would still be a few years after this was taken that Shikamaru would meet him. Shit, Alecto's been around for 14 years but Shikamaru has only known him for 7 of those years._

His cloud-like eyes drifted to the picture on the left and he felt himself melt, although he wouldn't admit it. The picture was of Shikamaru's mother holding him as a baby. It looked like she was sitting in a window-seat with bright snow sparkling outside. She had her left cheek rested on Shikamaru's small head with her eyes closed and a small smile on her face. She had her hands securing Shikamaru's small body against her as her son slept peacefully, his tiny fists resting on her chest.

_Wow…Shikamaru must only be a few months old when this picture was taken._

Neji tore his eyes away from the picture frame and looked around the rest of the apartment. He noticed that Shikamaru had books on every surface that they can lay on. Some were stacked in small piles at random places against the wall while others looked like Shikamaru was reading them, but then tossed it aside. Neji shoved his hands in his pockets and took a couple steps towards a few books that were randomly scattered on the floor and released a small chuckle as he saw books for formulating strategies and devising new ways to win strategy games and solve puzzles.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw an abnormally high pile of books and turned towards it, his curiosity spiked. He was very surprised when he realized that the pile of books was accompanied by a stack of scores for music, and was even more surprised when he saw that he was standing right next to a small, wood-polished piano.

_I didn't know Shikamaru could play piano._

"My mother taught me how to play." Shikamaru's voice spoke from behind him, making him jump and look over his shoulder.

Shikamaru's damp hair hung limply around his narrow face as his dull doe eyes hid behind his shortened bangs. The thin black shirt he was wearing fell off his left shoulder and showed a little bit of his midriff as well as his bony shoulders, but his hands were almost completely hidden by the sleeves. Neji couldn't help but notice that Shikamaru had to use a safety pin to help his black running pants stay on his narrow, protruding hips.

_He's thinner than I thought._

Shikamaru placed a hand self-consciously on the back of his head as he walked around the piano, pulled out the bench, and sat. He looked up at Neji, indicating for him to sit down as well. Carefully, Neji sat next to him, not saying anything. He saw how Shikamaru's hands shook slightly as he uncovered the keys, and he was very surprised to see small dark spots on the keys.

"She started teaching me when I was 9 years old. I don't play as much as I used to though, but I do occasionally."

"So you've been playing for about 10 years?" Shikamaru nodded, brushing his fingertips over the keys.

"Yeah, I'm a naturally fast learner, so I was proficient at piano by the time I was 13 years old." Neji raised his eyebrows in surprised.

"Wow, that's impressive." Shikamaru was quiet and Neji wondered if he had said something wrong.

_**Child, we both know that the Boy does not know what kind of things to say. He does not know what to do…he needs you to guild this conversation.**_

Shikamaru began to rub his hands in his lap, his thumbs brushing over a small white circle on the center of both his hands. He felt his throat tighten and his eyes become wet.

_**Do not push him away, Child.**_

Neji felt his heart jump when he heard Shikamaru sniff softly, brushing his hand briefly underneath his eyes. Shikamaru turned his head towards him, his short choppy hair blocking his eyes.

"That's my mother in those pictures." He eventually said, waving his hand vaguely towards them.

"I saw those. She seems nice."

"Seemed."

"What?" Neji asked, confused by Shikamaru's response.

"She seemed nice. Past tense." Neji felt his heart fall.

"How long ago did she…?" Neji asked carefully, not sure of Shikamaru's reaction of talking about the death of his mother.

"About 4 years ago." Neji bit his lip, having no idea what to do from here; but he knew that asking how she died would be the worst question to ask at the moment.

Shikamaru hesitated before standing and walking over to a small cabinet to the right of the piano. When he opened the door, Neji saw that it was full with more sheets of music, even more books that he assumed were about music, and many random notebooks. Shikamaru picked up a small tattered that was barely keeping itself together and closed the cabinet. He sat back down next to Neji and carefully opened the box and removed a small clear vial from the red velvet.

"She liked Shakespeare." He mused, tilting his head to the side.

"I never could clearly understand what he was saying." Neji admitted, confused as to what Shakespeare has to do with this.

"Neither could I, but she would always read me some of his writing and then translate it for me so that I could understand." He smiled slightly. "She started reading his writings to me when I was about 10 years old, which apparently is a bit young to be learning about his work."

"What was her favorite piece?" Shikamaru's eyes darkened and he placed the vial back in the box and slightly slammed it on top of the piano, surprising Neji. He slowly turned his gaze to look at him.

"Romeo and Juliet." He said bitterly, his darkened eyes glaring through his bangs.

"That's one of his most popular ones, right?" Neji asked, trying to calm his pounding heart. Shikamaru nodded.

"She stole an idea from the play." He said his voice bitter again.

"What do you mean she stole an idea?"

_What the hell is he talking about?_

"In the last act of the play, Juliet takes some kind of liquid to make it appear like she was dead so that she wouldn't have to marry someone she didn't want to. Romeo snuck back into the city later that night, after being exiled, and saw that she appeared to be dead. So Romeo took a vial out of his pocket, like that one." He nodded towards the box, "And he drank the contents of it, which was hemlock he got from a pharmacist…hemlock is a type of poison." He added, making Neji shift on the bench slightly.

"So…your mother…drank hemlock?" He asked carefully, never having been in a situation of talking to someone about the suicide of a relative...or suicide in general.

"When I needed her…" His voice came out as a growl. "She wasn't there. She never said anything about doing it, she just did." He glared darkly at the box, gripping his hands tightly in his lap.

"Well," Neji had no idea what to say. "Sometimes people don't talk about their intentions."

"There wasn't even a sign!" Shikamaru shouted, surprising Neji. He slammed his hands on the piano keys, causing the bizarre sounds of random keys to echo in the apartment. He breathed deeply, steadying himself.

"She abandoned me." He said quietly, his voice was thick with unshed tears. Neji, still at a loss for words, scooted closer to him, carefully, and wrapped an arm around his small waist.

"Maybe she had a reason she couldn't tell you." He said quietly, rubbing his thumb against Shikamaru's side.

"She promised that she wouldn't leave me." Shikamaru turned towards him, his brown eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"Maybe whatever was going on…became too much for her." Shikamaru cased his eyes down and turned back towards the piano, running a hand through his drying hair.

_**You are doing well, Child.**_

Shikamaru took a deep breath as he ran his fingertips over the dark spots again. Neji noticed that his hands began to shake slightly. A small laugh escaped Shikamaru's lips as he continued to observe the dark spots.

"I never really wanted to learn how to play in the first place." He admitted making Neji smile slightly.

"Why's that?" He hesitated, now looking at his hands.

"I couldn't really use my hands." Neji's brow furrowed in confusion as he eyed Shikamaru's face carefully.

"Why's that?" He said softly. Shikamaru hesitated again, eventually showing his hands to Neji. He held one of his hands gently, noticing a small, white circle in the center of his palm.

"When I was…" He felt his throat tighten, feeling his emotions overwhelm him again. Neji waited patiently, knowing that Shikamaru needed time to think through his words. Neji tightened his arm around Shikamaru's waist. Shikamaru took a deep breath and continued.

"When I was 3 years old…my mother remarried. I hated the stepfather…but he…really liked me." Neji frowned at the use of 'the' instead of 'my' when Shikamaru spoke of his stepfather. He was going to ask, but he didn't want to interrupt Shikamaru.

"So you hated him, but he liked you?" Neji asked, having a feeling that there was a much larger meaning behind that statement.

"He was a handy-man." Shikamaru continued, avoiding Neji's question. "He could fix anything that my mother asked him to. He was nice to her."

"But not to you?" Neji pressed uneasily, feeling Shikamaru tense.

"He was never nice to me."

"But he liked you?"

"Not as a person." Neji became even more confused and was going to say something before Shikamaru continued.

"These," he indicated the round scars on both of his hands, "were from him." Neji's eyes examined Shikamaru, seeing that tension was leaving his body. He slightly tightened his grip on Shikamaru's hand.

"How did they get there?" Neji asked quietly, causing Shikamaru's dark eyes to turn to him.

"He…" He felt his throat close again and more tears come to his eyes. He sniffed and turned to look down at the keys again. He felt Neji let go of his hand and wrap his other arm around his small frame, pulling him securely against him.

_**You are doing well, Child. The Boy is there with you…he will help you through this.**_

Shikamaru released a small whimper and brushed his hand underneath his eyes again, sniffing. Neji felt his heart sink when he felt Shikamaru pulled away from him and stood, walking carefully between the piano and couch. When he was by the arm of the chair, he looked back at Neji who was sitting helplessly on the piano bench.

Neji saw the silence request in Shikamaru's eyes and he stood, walking towards Shikamaru who just collapsed on the couch. Neji let a brief small smile grace his face as he sat down at the end of the couch as Shikamaru lay on his front, facing the wall with his hair falling into his eyes. Neji remained quiet.

"The stepfather was a fucking bastard." Shikamaru said bitterly, his voice slightly muffled. "He wasn't fucking human. He manipulated people to do what he wanted and to cover his own fucking ass. Fucking bastard!" Shikamaru shouted, catching Neji off guard.

Gingerly, Neji stood and carefully sat in front of Shikamaru's face, causing Shikamaru to open his eyes. Neji saw the vast amount of anger in his eyes, which caused him to become more confused about the concept of Alecto.

_If Alecto is the embodiment of Shikamaru's anger, then how can Shikamaru feel anger of his own?_

Neji slowly reached up and brushed the hair away from Shikamaru's eyes, now realizing how short it really was. Shikamaru's features seemed to soften slightly, feeling comforted by Neji stroking his hair. Neji seemed to sense this and he leaned up against the couch, running his fingers slowly through Shikamaru's hair. Neji felt his heart break as he saw the look of pure pain and misery in Shikamaru's eyes, which were now filled with tears.

"He nailed me to the attic floor by my hands."

Whatever Neji had expected to hear, it sure as hell wasn't that.

He now understood why Shikamaru shouted earlier and why he was having an extremely hard time getting it out. But Neji then felt his own anger boil at the fact that someone had nailed Shikamaru to the floor.

Literally nailed to the floor by his hands.

_What sick bastard would do that? Especially his own stepson?_

"Why would he…?" He wasn't sure if he should've asked that question, but Shikamaru didn't break eye contact with him.

"T-that was just the way he was. He liked…hurting me." Neji did his best to not let his anger show through, knowing that he being angry was not going to do anything good.

"So he would…nail you to the floor…and then…leave you there?" Shikamaru tilted his head side to side, making Neji's heart sink.

"Kind of, but he mainly did that so that I couldn't fight back."

"Fight back against what?" Shikamaru hesitated, another tear streaming down his face followed by a sniff. He clenched his eyes shut and shook his head.

"H-h-his advances." Neji felt his heart stop and the world fall away from him.

_His stepfather…raped him? This guy is so fucking sick._

He had no idea what to say as Shikamaru let out a wail, burying his face in the couch. Neji carefully wrapped his arms around Shikamaru's shaking body and gingerly pulled him onto his lap, Shikamaru instantly wrapped his arms around his neck. Neji held him close to his strong front, laying his cheek on top of Shikamaru's hair and closing his eyes.

All this time, he had no idea that Shikamaru had been through something that extreme. Guilt started to flow through him at an unbelievable rate, making him feel like he was about to explode. He knew that Shikamaru said that his mother remarried when he was 3 years old, but did the abuse started at the same time?

"Shikamaru," He whispered in his ear, "when did this start?" Shikamaru sniffed again and released a small sob.

"Not long after he married my mother." Neji scrunched his eyes shut, doing the math in his head.

_Shikamaru's 19 years old now and he was 3 years old when his mother remarried, so that was 16 years ago. But when did the abuse stop?_

"When did it stop?" Shikamaru tightened his arms around Neji's neck.

"About 3 years ago when I ran away from home."

The feeling of guilt was so overwhelming, he couldn't describe it.

_He was 16 years old when the abuse stopped._

"Shikamaru, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't do something sooner." Shikamaru turned towards him.

_Is he feeling guilty?_

_**It would be hard for him to not feel guilty.**_

"Don't blame yourself for something like that. It's over now and that's good enough for me." Their eyes locked, but they both knew that Shikamaru was lying about being away from the stepfather was good enough.

"Where is he?" Neji asked quietly, wanting to give that man a piece of his mind.

"I don't know. I ran away and he's never looked for me, so I don't know if he's even in the village anymore." Neji's heart sank; he thought that if Shikamaru were to be placed face-to-face with his stepfather, then maybe he could have some closure.

"So…the nail-wounds in your hands eventually prevented you from using them fully?" Shikamaru nodded, vaguely indicating the piano.

"The dark spots on the keys are blood. Every time I was press a key, the wound would open. My mother and I tried to clean it up at first, but then we just gave up. She taught me how to play to regain use of my hands, but then I ended up loving playing piano."

"So your mother knew that you were being abused?" He asked quickly, not believing that a mother would allow her child to be treated in such a way.

"Yeah, she knew. But she couldn't do anything because the stepfather said that he would kill me if she did anything." His eyes grew darker. "But he never hurt her."

"But…other than…nailing you to the floor…there was nothing beyond that abuse, right?" Neji asked, hoping that Shikamaru didn't have to endure anymore.

"No. He only nailed me to the floor when he didn't want me to fight back or to cause me pain…or to make sure he knew where I was in case he wanted to use me again." Neji's anger boiled even more at the use of 'use me' in Shikamaru's explanation. "But, he kept me in the attic the majority of the time anyway. Even if I wasn't nailed to the floor he locked me inside and he wouldn't let me leave for days at a time. I think the longest I've ever been locked in the attic was a week. Whenever he left for a few days to do whatever it was he needed to do, he would always let his friends come over and…well…I'm assuming you can put the rest of that together." Silence fell between them as Neji tried to deal with the overwhelming amount of guilt that was filling him.

"I never eat caramel or honey." Shikamaru started, his comment throwing Neji off.

"What?" He asked stupidly, not understanding Shikamaru's bizarre comment.

"Caramel or honey…I don't eat them anymore."

"Why's that?" Shikamaru shifted on his lap.

"Because the stepfather knew I liked them and he would…put them in places…that you're not supposed to." Neji's eyes went wide as he understood what Shikamaru just said.

"I was a naïve child, like all children are. I didn't think it was wrong at the time to obey the stepfather when he told me to…eat the caramel and honey off of him." He released a sob and clung to Neji's shirt tightly, burying his face in his chest, feeling embarrassed. Neji had no idea how to handle all the information that was being given him. He held Shikamaru tightly as a wave of sobs overtook his body.

"H-he…he would…t-tell his…f-friends to do the same thing." Shikamaru choked, clinging to Neji for dear life. Neji held Shikamaru as tightly as he could as Shikamaru let out a wail.

_How could no one have noticed this was happening? Why didn't I notice it was happening?_

"A c-couple of months before I ran away," Shikamaru continued, "He pinned me to the ground and w-wrote 'whore' on my back. He said that that's what I was and always will be. I was supposed to be submissive and never fight or talk back. If I did, he'd beat me more severely than usual."

"So Alecto was born to deal with the anger that you suppressed because your stepfather convinced you that you're not supposed to fight or talk back?"

"'The'." Shikamaru retorted quickly, catching Neji off guard.

"What?"

"He's not my stepfather…he's just a stepfather."

_So that's why Shikamaru says 'the' instead of 'my'. He doesn't want him to give him the kind of power of being a 'parenting' figure. It makes sense now why the pictures of him and his mother don't have the stepfather in them._

"But yes, Alecto was born to deal with the rage I was forced to bury; but I didn't know he existed until about 7 years ago."

"And he was born 14 years ago?" Shikamaru nodded.

"When I was a kid, I wondered why I never got 'really' angry."

"Because Alecto was the anger and he never showed himself until a few years ago; and you can't really feel anger because Alecto is the embodiment of it and he's separate from you." Shikamaru nodded again.

_**Smart Boy.**_

"Which means that rage is separate from me, in a sense, so I don't really feel it; but Alecto 'feeds' me some anger when it's needed."

"So that's what happened with the incident with Ino?"

"Yea, plus Alecto was very powerful that day so he was able to slip through more than usual."

"Same thing with the incident with Naruto and Ino?"

"Alecto was able to break through completely that time." Neji nodded slightly, thinking of the question he's had for a few days.

"When Alecto attacked Naruto and Ino, how was he doing that? He said he was choking them, but he never went into detail about it." Shikamaru was quiet for a few moments.

"It's kind of complicated." Neji bit back his sigh that wanted to escape.

_Chill out, Neji. He's told you a lot already._

What the hell was wrong with him? Why didn't he see this sooner? He should've been able to do something earlier, but he didn't…no one did. Guilt bombarded him, trying to suffocate him. He sighed…he had no idea what to do from here or how to handle the amount of guilt he was feeling. He felt Shikamaru move and soft fingertips placed themselves on his cheek, making him open his eyes.

"There was nothing you could've done." He said quietly, almost like he was reading his mind. "I could've said something…but I didn't. Don't blame yourself for anything…I made sure that no one would notice."

"Why?"

"Because if someone were to do something…it would change the environment that I've always been around. It would've made me feel out of place because the environment I was so used to would've been taken away."

"But you needed to be taken away from him." Neji said, not understanding Shikamaru's logic.

"It took me a while to figure that out actually." Shikamaru said abashedly.

"You…didn't know that what he was doing to you…was wrong?"

"I knew that what he was doing was wrong…I just didn't understand why it wasn't happening to anyone else." He admitted, blushing slightly. Neji placed his cheek on top of Shikamaru's head again, thinking about everything that he's just said. But he remembered that Shikamaru had other markings on his back.

"Shikamaru?"

"Hmm?" Neji chose his words carefully.

"The lines on your back…where did they come from?" He felt Shikamaru stiffen on his lap as warm tears drop on his neck. Shikamaru tried to keep his sobs quiet, but before he knew it, he was crying heavily. Neji felt even more guilt when his question made Shikamaru full-out cry.

"H-he took m-metal rings," Shikamaru stuttered forming his fingers into a circle a little big bigger than a quarter. "a-and h-he opened them and s-sharpened one end of e-each ring." Neji closed his eyes, having a feeling what Shikamaru was going to say. "He hung me." He squeaked, releasing another wail.

Neji scrunched his eyes again as he felt warm tears fall onto his neck and he grew frustrated at himself for not being able to do something to make the pain go away. Neji degraded himself for not seeing any of the signs of abuse. How could he have been so blind and stupid?

This stepfather was a sick man and if he ever came face-to-face with him, he would kill him in the slowest, most painful way imaginable. Shikamaru's crying started to subside and he felt him go limp in his arms, indicating that he had passed out. He continued to rub his back, deep in thought. Shikamaru never said that the stepfather was dead…or that he even left the village; the stepfather could have…but Shikamaru didn't know for sure.

A certain blonde, short-tempered woman entered his mind. The wheels started working in his head as he thought of a way of how to figure out who this stepfather was without asking Shikamaru directly…because he was certain that he wouldn't give him the name.

There's a room right next to Tsunade's office that held every document about the villagers; documents telling of births, deaths, divorces, and marriages. If he could get in that room and find who Shikamaru's mother got remarried to, he would find the stepfather, which would tell him whether or not he was still in the village. Another thought dawned on him:

Maybe he could find Shikamaru's biological father as well.

But then his heart sunk:

Only Tsunade can access that room and no one except her and the past Hokages knew how.

He directed his eyes back to Shikamaru's limp figure, debating heavily in his mind. To get access to that room, he needed Tsunade; but that room was probably the most important room in the village, so she's not going to let him in just because he asked her. He would need to give the bare minimum of what Shikamaru had told him to get her to let him into that room. But knowing Tsunade, she would want to know everything. But Shikamaru confided into him about things that he's never spoken about before. He couldn't betray that trust.

He adjusted his position on the floor, careful to not wake Shikamaru. He'll have plenty of time to think about what to do since he wasn't going to leave the Nara alone.

He wasn't going anywhere, even if Shikamaru tried to get rid of him.

**xXxXx**

**Alright Gang,**

**I know, I know: I tortured Shikamaru. ^^;**

**But there was lots of editing, yes?**

**As always, patience and reviews would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	9. Father?

**Dearest Readers,**

**~ "You are the good-looking and stealthy archer."  
- "Bow and arrow? I don't have any arms you freakin' moron!"  
~ "That is what makes you so stealthy."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Father?**

The sound of something churning and the smell of hazelnut wafted through the apartment, waking Shikamaru from his slumber. He blinked his eyes open, adjusting to the new sound and smell in his apartment.

He rolled over and looked at his alarm clock: 6:30am.

_That's the latest I've slept in for about a week._

He heard birds chirp outside his window; it was the first time he's been up after the birds were. He was usually awake at about 4:00am. Shikamaru stared at the bedroom door, his short hair falling into his dull eyes. Like every day, he didn't have the energy or motivation to get out of bed. It wasn't until a few hours after he woke up that he would actually try to get out of bed, which he was able to do eventually.

Shikamaru heard Neji shuffling around and sighed, throwing his blanket off him. He usually started moving when he heard Neji doing something, figuring the least he could do is keep him company since he's going far out of his way to be with him. While he didn't truly understand why Neji was staying with him, he found that he enjoyed Neji's company.

He gingerly stood and walked over to his closet, changing into black running pants and a green tank top, and then throwing on a crimson hoodie. Before he left his bedroom, he grabbed a safety pin and tightened the waistband of his pants. He wiped his hand under his eyes and then through his hair, making it brush against his cheekbones.

Neji was sitting on the kitchen counter next to the coffee while reading a book on his lap. As he swung his legs lightly, he looked up when he heard Shikamaru shuffling into the kitchen. He gave him a light smile, which Shikamaru forcibly returned. Neji knew that Shikamaru didn't feel forced to smile, he was just so emotionally and physically weak.

"I managed to get your coffee pot to work." Shikamaru let out a small chuckle.

"I haven't used that in quite some time." He paused. "There are a lot of appliances I don't use actually."

"Why's that?" Shikamaru shrugged his bony shoulders.

"No reason." The coffee pot began to beep and Neji hopped off the counter and prepared two cups of coffee. He handed a mug to Shikamaru and then hopped back up on the counter, silence falling between them.

This was how they spent the early mornings for the past few days, except they didn't have coffee…just whatever was in the kitchen at the time. Neji thought back to when Shikamaru had his breakdown. He was honestly surprised that Shikamaru opened up as much as he did and that he was able to function enough to clean himself up. He was also surprised, but very glad that Shikamaru was able to get out of bed, even if it was only for a couple hours.

Neji's never been around someone who's mentally unstable, so he had absolutely no idea what the right thing to do was. But he rarely left him by himself. Neji was with Shikamaru for the majority of the day, but he would give Shikamaru space for a while…until he would hear Shikamaru crying quietly. The only time he leaves the apartment is when he knows that Shikamaru is in a deep sleep.

One time, when he left Shikamaru by himself when he wasn't asleep, he came back and found Shikamaru having a panic attack. Since then, Neji had to weigh a few things in his mind:

He didn't want to leave Shikamaru by himself, but wanted to give him space; he needed to go out to not only run errands, but to also get out of the apartment before he lost his sanity…but then he would have to leave Shikamaru alone.

He wanted to take Shikamaru out of his apartment and take him around the village for some fresh air and sunshine…and a little social interaction, but he knew that Shikamaru was too unstable right now to do that. Plus it was too soon for Shikamaru to even think of leaving his apartment. He watched Shikamaru from the corner of his eye, seeing him reach up and lightly tug on a clump of hair.

"Stop that." Neji said, making Shikamaru give him a confused look.

"Stop what?"

"Tugging at your hair…I know you're self-conscious about it, but it looks okay like that." Neji said honestly, taking a sip of coffee. Shikamaru felt his face grow warm and turned to look into his coffee mug.

_**Child,**_

_Alecto? I haven't heard from you in a while._

_**I know, Child. I wanted to give you and the boy time alone.**_

Shikamaru felt a blush creep to his face and he turned away from Neji, hoping he didn't see it.

_Time alone?_

_**Yes Child, it's only been a week but I'm already seeing a change in you.**_

_How so?_

_**You opened up to him on your own. He never pushed you to say or do anything. You have started to let him in, and I am very proud of you.**_

Neji was eyeing Shikamaru, noticing that he's been staring at the wall for an awfully long time.

_What should I do from here?_

_**Whatever your heart tells you, Child.**_

_But I don't know what to do._

_**You will when the moment comes.**_

He felt Alecto's presence fade and found himself staring at the wall to his left. He took a sip from his coffee, surprised that it was still warm.

"How's Alecto doing?" Neji asked, throwing him off guard. He turned towards him, watching him mark his place in his book.

"How do you know I was talking to Alecto?"

"You were staring at the wall for an awfully long time."

_**This boy's good…very observant and sharp.**_

"Oh." Shikamaru felt a blush creep to his face again, but hid it by turning away from him. "Alecto's doing alright. He didn't have much to say."

He watched Neji as the Hyuuga began to puts around, starting with the cleaning that he did even when it didn't need to be cleaned. Shikamaru turned his eyes towards his hands in his lap, thinking about what Alecto said.His dark eyes brushed over Neji again before he pushed himself off the counter and went back to his bedroom, thinking.

**xXxXx**

He collapsed onto his bed and sighed as his eyes fell on his alarm clock: 11:15am.

If he were to time-travel back a little more than a year ago, he would still be dead to world at this time of the morning. He had taken off his hoodie and was now looking at his bare arms, different varieties of scars staring back at him. He reached up to tug at his damp hair, but stopped himself…he knew Neji didn't like it when he did that. Just then, he heard Neji let out a yelp of pain and rolled out of bed and shuffled back towards the kitchen.

When he arrived in the kitchen, he was surprised to see Neji's lower body sticking out from underneath the sink. His dark eyes wondered to where Neji's light blue jeans and blue tank top met, noticing that a little bit of Neji's waist was showing. He shook his head and gingerly knelt down next to him, peering into the space beneath the sink to see Neji with the side of his left index finger in his mouth, staring up at the pipe just in front of his eyes.

"Hi there, Mr. Handy-Man." Shikamaru said, smiling.

"I would look at you, but I don't want to hit my head on a pipe." Neji said, sucking on his finger again.

"What did you do to yourself?"

"I nicked my finger on something sharp." He wriggled his way out from underneath the sink and sat in front of Shikamaru on the floor, finger still in his mouth.

"Let me see." Shikamaru said, holding out his hand, but Neji shook his head.

"No, I'm fine." It was then that he looked at Shikamaru and felt something stir inside of him. Somehow, Shikamaru seemed to be looking even more miserable and weak.

"No you're not, let me see." Shikamaru didn't lower his hand.

"It's just a little cut."

"Neji." Shikamaru said, giving him a pointed look. He felt himself cave in and he sighed dramatically, removing his finger from his mouth. Shikamaru lightly grabbed his wrist and scanned his finger.

"Yeah, 'just a little cut' my ass." His dark eyes scanned over the deep gash in Neji's finger, noticing that it looked like an angry shade of red compared to Neji's naturally pale complexion.

"It's not that bad." Shikamaru chuckled lightly at Neji's stubbornness. He saw the first aid kit on the side of the cabinet behind Neji. How was he going to get over there?

_**Child, do not pass off an opportunity to get close to the Boy.**_

_But what if—_

_**Do it.**_

He directed his dark eyes back towards the cut on Neji's finger, glad to see that it wouldn't affect the finger's movement. He made eye contact with Neji again.

"How did you do this?"

"Apparently, the main pipe was made out of two pieces and whoever put it there didn't finish the job they were supposed to."

"Meaning?"

"There was a sharp edge where the two pieces met…and I didn't notice it until I felt it."

"What's wrong with it?"

"Remember that dripping sound earlier this morning?"

"Yeah."

"The pipe was leaking."

"Does it need to be replaced?"

"No, it shouldn't leak anymore. I'm not a repair man or a mechanic, but I know the basics."

"More than what I do." Shikamaru said as his eyes landed on the first aid kit again.

_**Child, move your fanny over there!**_

"Alright, let's get this taken care of…I don't want you bleeding all over the floor."

He released Neji's hand and knelt on both his knees and slowly leaned across the left side of Neji's lap, placing his hand next to his leg, and reached for the first aid kit behind him. Neji did his best to stop his eyes from roaming the Nara's body, but failed miserably. His heart pounded as he saw Shikamaru's shirt rid up, revealing his lower back. He turned towards Shikamaru, who had just released a small sound of pain when he sat up. Neji saw Shikamaru briefly rub his forearms before opening the first aid kit.

_The pressure from holding his body probably caused some cuts to open a little bit._

"Alright you Klutz, let me see your finger again." Shikamaru said, snapping Neji out of his thoughts.

He opened the kit and rummaged through it, finding anti-bacterial wipes and bandages. Neji eyed his face carefully, admiring how his bangs fell in front of his eyes. He winced as he felt his finger sting and saw that Shikamaru was cleaning the cut and wrapping it in a thin layer of bandages.

"There, your finger is clean and all is right in the world." Shikamaru said, smiling lightly at him as he put the supplies back in the first aid kit.

"Thanks." The sound of a single drip caught their attention.

"I thought I tightened it as tightly as it could be." Neji said, crawling back under the sink to see what part of the pipe was leaking.

"Be careful." Shikamaru said, watching Neji look over the pipe. Neji sighed in disbelief. "What?" Neji reached up and used his fingertips to screw something in place.

"There's this tiny thing on the side here. I fixed where the majority of the leak was coming from, but not that part."

"But it's fixed now?"

"Yeah." Neji said, wriggling back out just as a loud beeping sound shattered the peace of the apartment.

"What's that?" Shikamaru said standing slowly and shuffling towards the source of the noise.

"It's the alarm clock." Shikamaru said as he walked over to it to turn it off, but it still continued to beep.

"What do you set an alarm for? You're awake early anyway." Neji said, standing next to Shikamaru who was pressing the snooze button, but the attempt to stop the noise failed.

"I always have an alarm set for noon. That way when I hear it go off, that's when I know I'll have to at least attempt to get out of bed." He explained, now slamming his hand on top of the device. Neji's eyes followed the cord to the outlet and pulled the plug, stopping the noise.

"That's better." Neji said, something shiny on the wall catching his eye. "What's that?" He asked, nodding at it. Shikamaru looked to where he indicated and smiled lightly. He walked over to it and stood in front of it, Neji beside him.

"That's the locket my mother used to wear." He said quietly, making Neji bite his lip. He didn't mean to bring up something from his past. "It's okay, you did nothing wrong." Shikamaru said, touching his arm when he noticed Neji's guilt.

"Why did you place it there?"

"Because even when the blinds are closed, there's always a ray of sunlight that finds its way in here and that ray of light always hits on that spot. So I hung it there so that it would catch the light…took me forever to figure that out." Shikamaru said, chuckling lightly as he walked and dropped face down on his bed, Neji joining him.

"She never took it off." Shikamaru said, remembering it clearly as he stared at the bedroom door.

"Why?"

"It's a heart locket. She had my baby picture on one side and a picture of my biological father on the other side." Neji's ears perked at the mention of his real father.

"Why did she…" He wasn't sure if it was smart to finish his question.

"Remarry?" He asked, finishing his question. "From what she told me, her and my father didn't divorce because they fought a lot or didn't love each other anymore. They divorced because when she found out she was pregnant with me, my father started to drink heavily. They divorced before I was born, but my mother always told me that my father was a good man. She just didn't think that he was ready to be a father and he agreed."

"So you've never met your real father." Shikamaru nodded.

"Right, all I know is that my mother got the majority of my name from his name, Shikaku Nara." He chuckled, "She always told me that I looked a lot like him, but not as rough-around-the-edges."

"Is he in this village?" He shrugged and glanced down at him.

"I have no idea. It would be nice if he was though…I'd like to meet him someday." Neji had wondered how Shikamaru's biological father had affected his life. Now he knows that he wasn't involved. His eyes wondered over the Nara's face, taking in every detail…almost like he was taking a mental picture. His bangs fell into his eyes slightly, his dark eyes showing a different array of emotions.

"I would like to meet him someday." Shikamaru repeated, more to himself. Neji moved and sat near Shikamaru's stomach, looking down at him.

"There is a way we can find him." Shikamaru looked up at him, brushing hair away from his eyes.

"How?"

"There's a room next to Tsunade's office that holds all the important of the villagers like birth and death certificates, documents of divorce, and marriage licenses. So we can try to look at those and figure out where your father is." Shikamaru was quiet and looked back towards the door.

"Maybe someday we can try that."

**xXxXx**

**Alright Gang,**

**I cut out a huge section at the end b/c I didn't like it ^_^**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	10. Glance at Change

**Dearest Readers,**

"**I remember what my father said to me as he was lying on his death bed: I'm not wearing any pants."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Glance at Change**

He opened his cloud-like eyes and frowned in confusion, not sure of where exactly he was or why his body felt heavy. He blinked slowly and looked down, a gentle smile forming on his face. Neji thought back to his and Shikamaru's conversation the day before and remembered the peaceful and comfortable silence that fell between them. It took a little while for Neji to realize that Shikamaru had fallen asleep during the silence and when he stood to leave, he looked back down at Shikamaru when the Nara had released a small whimper. Neji had to wake him up when he realized that he was having a nightmare; so he decided to stay with him for the rest of the night.

Sometime during the night, Shikamaru must've curled up against him. His head was lying on his chest along with an arm and a leg was crossing his hips. He felt his face become slightly warm when he realized that he had his arm wrapped possessively around Shikamaru's narrow waist. Neji felt his face become even hotter when Shikamaru shifted and snuggled closer into him, wrapping his arm around his neck and pressing his face into the base of Neji's neck.

A bird tapped its beak against the window, making Shikamaru jump. He blinked his eyes open, confused as to what his current surroundings were. He felt a steady beating against his chest and a strong grip around his waist. Shikamaru's eyes went wide and his face flushed with embarrassment as he realized his situation:

He was snuggling up against Neji.

_**Do not freak out, Child. This is a very good thing.**_

Shikamaru rolled his eyes at Alecto's chuckle and he retracted his arm and leg away from Neji, then rolling over onto his back away from Neji, fiddling with his fingers. Neji was disappointed that Shikamaru moved away from him, but he thought that he knew why Shikamaru did that. He rolled over onto his side and propped his head on his arm, gently placing his hands on Shikamaru's fiddling fingers. Shikamaru hesitantly looked up at him, his dull eyes being slightly hidden by short brown hair.

"Sorry." Shikamaru mumbled, redirecting his eyes downward.

"You didn't do anything wrong. You had a nightmare last night and I didn't want to leave you alone." Shikamaru felt his face heat up as he looked back up at Neji.

"I've been having them a lot lately." Neji felt his heart drop.

"How long has it been exactly?" Shikamaru looked back down at his hands, remaining quiet. Neji used the arm underneath his head to get Shikamaru's attention; he used his hand to gently tug at Shikamaru's hair, indicating for him to look back up.

"A couple of weeks." Neji blinked.

"So since," He hesitated, not sure if his word choice would be the best at the moment; but he figured that it would help Shikamaru to hear the actual words.

"Since?" Shikamaru pressed, not understanding his hesitation.

"You've been having nightmares since your breakdown." Silence fell between them as Shikamaru blinked his dull eyes up at him. Neji felt his heart break when he saw them become glassy, now making him regret his words.

_**He is trying to help you, Child.**_

_He's rubbing it in my face._

_**No he is not. He is putting the name to what happened. This is going to help you, Child.**_

Shikamaru was quiet.

_**You had a mental breakdown, Child.**_

"Yeah." Shikamaru said, nodding slightly.

Neji wrapped an arm around Shikamaru's waist and rolled him back towards him, barely able to catch the small brief smile on Shikamaru's face. Shikamaru laid his head back on Neji's chest and draped an arm and a leg over his middle. With one arm wrapped possessively around Shikamaru's narrow waist, Neji placed his other hand on Shikamaru's head, using his fingertips to lightly fiddle with Shikamaru's short choppy hair.

"What was is about?" Neji asked carefully, tightening his grip on Shikamaru's waist. The younger man was quiet for a few moments.

"Our comrades and senseis." Neji's eyes briefly widened.

"What happened?" Shikamaru sniffed.

"Some of them attacked me and started yelling at me." He tightened his grip on Neji's shirt. "They said that I was a horrible person for what I've done and that I'm a freak and that I'm useless." Neji began to panic a little when he noticed that Shikamaru was getting close to breaking down into tears and make him incapacitated again. He wrapped his other arm tightly around Shikamaru's shoulders, trying to soothe him.

"Shikamaru, it was a nightmare. They wouldn't do something like that."

"Some of them would." Shikamaru retorted quickly, his voice becoming thicker. Neji thought for a moment, choosing his words carefully.

"Maybe seeing them can prove that wrong." Neji said softly, not sure if pushing Shikamaru that much can break him down again. After 2 weeks, he was just as fragile as he was when the breakdown happened.

_**That is a good idea.**_

_I don't think so. I don't want to see them._

_**I do not think that the Boy means for you to have an actual conversation with them. I think he means that at least seeing them will help you.**_

_No._

_**Only a brief encounter, Child. It will help you.**_

_No._

_**The Boy will be there with you.**_

Shikamaru hesitated.

_**Look at what he has done for you thus far. He stayed with you throughout the night, making sure that you did not have another nightmare.**_

He paused.

_**You did not have a nightmare, did you?**_

Shikamaru shook his head, making Neji look back down at him. Neji kept holding onto Shikamaru tightly as he thought that Shikamaru was just talking to Alecto as silence fell between them again. Neji stroked Shikamaru's hair slowly, making Shikamaru close his eyes blissfully, enjoying the feeling. He thought of Alecto's words as Neji's fingers continued to run through his hair, making him feel at peace. He sighed.

"I don't really want to move." Shikamaru said finally.

"You don't have to. Just stay right here." Shikamaru bit his lip, gently grabbing a small part of Neji's shirt.

"No, I mean…I don't want to move to go to the training grounds." Neji's heart stopped as his fingers froze in Shikamaru's hair. Did Shikamaru just say that he actually wants to see his comrades and sensei? He ran his fingers through Shikamaru's hair again.

"So you don't mind if they come back here?"

"Not everyone." Neji nodded.

"Of course not."

"I don't want Naruto and Ino here." Neji understood his reasoning and hesitated.

"Will you be okay while I'm gone?" Shikamaru nodded.

"I'm not going anywhere."

**xXxXx**

"Come on, Billboard-Brow!" Ino shouted arrogantly as she landed another punch on Sakura, making her fall to the ground.

"Shut up, Ino-Pig!" Sakura yelled back, tripping her from her place on the ground.

"So, we got Naruto and Sasuke's rivalry and we have Sakura and Ino's rivalry…Gai and Kurenai, we need a student from each of your teams to have a rivalry to call this even." Kakashi concluded, making them chuckle.

Asuma's eyes brushed over Ino and Choji; he knew that not having Shikamaru around was tearing them apart. All 3 of his students shared a deep bond that was more than teammates and no one understood why Shikamaru would disappear without telling anyone. Asuma could tell that the guilt of some of their students was taking a toll on them; especially Naruto and Ino.

"Naruto! You are a formidable opponent! But this is where I unlock the Fountain of Youth and defeat you!" Lee shouted just as he fist collided with Naruto's face, sending him forcibly into the ground.

"Wonderful work, Lee!" Gai shouted, giving his student the thumbs-up.

"Thank you, Gai-Sensei!" Lee shouted back, returning the thumbs-up.

"Are you two sure you're not twins?" Naruto asked dizzily as he pulled his way out of his hole in the ground.

"Most certainly, Naruto. Allow me to help you." He grabbed Naruto's hand and pulled him up to his feet with little effort.

"Alright, Gang. Come on over here for a minute." Kakashi said and they walked over to the senseis, panting.

"You guys are falling back into your same habits." Kakashi said in a song-like voice, tucking his book behind him.

"What do you mean?" Naruto shot back, his temper instantly flaring.

"Shut up, Naruto." Sasuke said, rolling his eyes at him. Naruto growled and turned towards him, fists clenched.

"What did you say you arrogant, selfish, black-haired jackass?" Naruto growled, grabbing Sasuke's attention instantly. They were in each other's face, glaring heatedly at each other; both of their prides bruised.

"Guys, cool it. We don't need—"

"It looks more blue than black to me." A calm voice said, scaring them. They looked around, but found that no one was around them.

"Where are you?" Naruto barked, his blue eyes darting around him.

"It shouldn't be difficult to find me, Naruto."

"How the hell do you know my name?" Everyone instantly turned towards the tree behind the senseis as they heard the leaves rustle. They looked from the trunk to the branches above their heads, but didn't see anyone.

"Where are you?"

"Right above Asuma-Sensei's head." They turned towards their attention to that area just as Neji popped his head out from the leaves, looking innocently at them.

"Where the hell have you been? First Shikamaru disappears and then you do!" Ino shouted, anger radiating from her. Neji raised an eyebrow at her.

"I'm not answering any questions until you calm down." Neji said as he slowly lowered himself to the ground.

They were surprised to see Neji in a different way than what they're used too. His light blue jeans hung on his hips and his green tank top outlined his upper body and his long hair was pulled into a messy bun with a hair tie near the base of his neck. They were surprised that Neji had left his forehead bare, allowing the cursed seal to show slightly through his bangs that fell into his cloud-like eyes.

"Neji, we're just surprised to see you, that's all." Gai said, Neji's face returned to its usual passive state.

"Would you be surprised to see Shikamaru?"

"Of course!" Ino and Choji responded instantly.

"Well here's your chance." Asuma's brow furrowed.

"Wait," Neji turned towards him. "You know where Shikamaru is?" Neji nodded.

"He's been in the same place all of you were looking."

"His apartment?" Neji nodded. "He let you in there?"

"No, I broke in." They raised an eyebrow at him.

"You broke into Shikamaru's apartment?" Choji asked with a slight tone of disbelief in his voice.

"He wouldn't have let me in if I just knocked."

"That's what he did with everyone who went to his apartment." Ino added. "He just ignored us."

Neji felt his temper flare and he tucked his hands into his front pockets, causing part of his midriff to show. He assumed that some of them felt bad about their treatment of Shikamaru and because he was currently getting pissed off, he decided to rub it in.

"I refused to be ignored." Neji said coldly. "We all knew that something was going on with Shikamaru and when he disappeared, it was possible that things were getting dangerous." Ino glared at him.

"We're not stupid, Neji! We all knew that!"

"Then why didn't you fight for him?" Neji retorted instantly, catching Ino off guard. Asuma cleared his throat.

"Our primary reason for not breaking into Shikamaru's apartment is because we didn't want to be confronted by Alecto." He paused. "And Alecto seems to prefer you over everyone else here."

"That shouldn't be why you didn't try to get to Shikamaru. Alecto has to get through Shikamaru and even then, Shikamaru puts up a fight against Alecto before he can break out." They noted Neji's cold tone of voice and facial expression.

_Neji's getting pissed._

"What's been going on?" Choji's voice broke the silence, making Neji looking over at him.

"Over the past 2 weeks?" They nodded.

Neji had to think through his response carefully, not wanting to tell them anything that Shikamaru has disclosed to him over the past 2 weeks. He also had to tell Naruto and Ino that Shikamaru doesn't want to see them. He knew that Naruto and Ino had explosive tempers, so he honestly wasn't sure how they would react to Shikamaru's demand.

Neji also had to factor in Shikamaru's health, especially since it's only been 2 weeks since the breakdown. He wasn't sure if Shikamaru coming face-to-face with other people was a good idea, but he couldn't back out of it now. Plus he would be there to protect Shikamaru, but there was only so much he could do. And with the way Shikamaru has been over the past couple of weeks, anything can send Shikamaru over the edge and make him incapacitated again.

"Do some of you want to go see him?" Asuma, Choji, and Ino looked hopefully up at him.

"Yes!" Ino and Choji shouted.

"I want to go see him." Sakura said kindly. "He's a good guy and it's been kind of weird not having him around."

"Let's go!" Naruto shouted, jumping to his feet. Neji's anger faded and his gently bit his lower lip. Gai noticed his student's discomfort.

"Neji, what is it?" Neji rolled onto the platforms of his feet and then back down.

"Shikamaru…said something before I left to come here."

"What would that be?" Neji hesitated and looked over and Naruto and Ino.

"Shikamaru doesn't want you two to be there." Naruto and Ino looked as devastated as they felt. Ino felt her eyes become wet as Choji rubbed her back.

"Why doesn't he want to see us? I'm his teammate!" Ino cried. Neji sighed with slight frustration.

"Think about it, Ino." Ino's face fell and she looked down at her lap. "There's been…conflict between you. Shikamaru can't deal with certain things right now."

"What does that mean?" Asuma asked quickly.

"If you see him, you'll understand." Silence fell around them and Asuma, Choji, and Sakura stood.

"Billboard-Brow, why are you going?" Sakura looked calmly back down at Ino.

"Shikamaru and I have always gotten along, but I shouted at him and was terrible to him." Her face saddened. "I feel bad about that. I need to at least make him hear my apology, even if he doesn't accept it." Neji hid his slight smile as he turned away from the group and led Asuma, Choji, and Sakura back towards Shikamaru's apartment.

**xXxXx**

They stopped in front of Shikamaru's apartment and Neji unlocked the door. The other's eyes drifted around Shikamaru's dark apartment, surprised by the amount of books that lay around and the piles stacked at random places next to the walls. They had no idea that Shikamaru read so much nor did they know that he played piano.

"Have a seat." Neji said as he walked down the hallway.

"Why is it so dark in here?" Sakura asked quietly, sitting down at the end of the couch.

"It could just be a preference." Asuma said. "Or it could help the situation somehow."

"But what exactly is 'the situation'?"

**xXxXx**

He walked into Shikamaru's bedroom and found him staring at the closet door with his blanket wrapped tightly around him. His eyes were red and tear stains were on his face. His short hair made a messy halo on his pillow and found that the alarm clock was in pieces on the floor after what seemed to be Shikamaru throwing it at the wall.

Neji sat down on the side of his bed and Shikamaru made eye contact with him, but quickly broke it and pulled the blanket more over his face. Neji quirked an eyebrow at Shikamaru's discomfort at seeing him as the Nara continued to hide from him. Neji gently grabbed the top of Shikamaru's blanket and attempted to pull away from Shikamaru's head, but was surprised when the younger man resisted.

"Shikamaru?" Neji asked quietly, having a tinge of worry in his voice. Shikamaru remained quiet and sniffed, exhaling slowly. Neji shook him gently. "Shikamaru, what's wrong?"

Shikamaru shifted and coughed lightly, causing a strange rattling sound to briefly echo in the room. Neji's brow furrowed and he became more forceful in trying to get Shikamaru to come out of hiding. He sensed Shikamaru become frustrated and was surprised when Shikamaru reached out from underneath his blanket and forcefully slapped away Neji's hand, making a sound of annoyance as well as another rattling sound.

"Shikamaru," Neji repeated, with a slight edge in his voice. Shikamaru sniffed and huffed, throwing the blanket off of his head and glared heatedly up at Neji with dark eyes.

"What?" Neji was thrown off by the sharpness in Shikamaru's voice.

"What's going on? What's that rattling sound?" Shikamaru's eyes narrowed.

"Does it matter?"

"Yes." Shikamaru couldn't hide his surprise in time at Neji's instant and honest response. He huffed again and shifted underneath his blanket, snuggling into his pillow.

Neji patiently waited as Shikamaru reached behind him, searching for something as more rattling filled the room. Shikamaru let out another puff of irritation and rolled over onto his side, away from Neji as the rattling sound died down and Shikamaru lay still. Neji almost let out his own sigh of irritation and frustration at Shikamaru's unusual behavior. Carefully, he stood from Shikamaru's bed and knelt on the mattress, leaning over Shikamaru's small body.

Against his better judgment, Neji gripped Shikamaru's blanket and pulled it away with more force than usual. Shikamaru growled and turned his dark eyes up to Neji, glaring at him through the curtain of his short brown hair. Neji ignored the chill that went through his spine as he stared deeply into Shikamaru's eyes, making the Nara slowly turn his face towards him. Shikamaru's glare was replaced with a sad, defeated look. Neji started to feel more concern in Shikamaru's drastic change in behavior due to the fact that the Nara was once aggravated and frustrated, but now seemed to be defeated and lost.

_Alecto had absolutely nothing to do with Shikamaru's aggravation, I'm sure of that._

"Shikamaru, what's up?" Neji asked carefully, feeling his own irritation at Shikamaru's stubborn behavior fade away. Shikamaru bit his lower lip as he redirected his eyes to the window, feeling embarrassed. Neji remained quiet and patiently waited for Shikamaru to make the next move. Their eyes locked again.

"I'm sorry." Shikamaru mumbled, his eyes becoming slightly glassy. Neji's brow furrowed in confusion.

"What are you sorry for? You've done nothing wrong."

Shikamaru bit his lip again as he fought back the wave of emotions that started to crash down on him. He shifted his arms and reached again for something underneath his blanket, causing the rattling sound to echo in the room again. Before Neji could clearly see what Shikamaru grabbed, he briefly saw 4 bright blurs fly over his head and crash onto the floor; which caused a louder rattling sound and then silence.

Neji saw Shikamaru sniff and turn away from him, facing the wall as he scratched his left arm. Neji turned towards what Shikamaru had thrown and was surprised to see that the bright objects were actually prescription medication bottles. He carefully stood and walked over to them, picking them up off the floor to examine their labels. His brow furrowed when he didn't recognize any of the names or their purposes.

"They help." Shikamaru mumbled as he sniffed again. Neji walked back over to him, placed the capsules on his nightstand and sat next to Shikamaru's slim frame.

"How so? What do you take them for?" The Nara was quiet and Neji mentally kicked himself, thinking that he asked a question that would make Shikamaru clam up.

"I'm not really supposed to take them."

"So you don't get them from a doctor?" Shikamaru nodded.

_So he was never prescribed them? So if he wasn't prescribed them, how did he start taking them?_

"How did you start on them then if a doctor didn't give them to you?"

"I just thought of anything that could help me, so I turned to prescription medication."

"Help with what?" Neji asked before he could stop himself. Shikamaru was quiet.

"Things in general."

_So taking prescription medication that he's not supposed to is his way of coping with the things going on in his life. Makes sense since drugs are a common coping mechanism. So Shikamaru doesn't take these drugs for something specific…he takes them because he feels that they bring some kind of comfort._

"What kind are they? What are they usually prescribed for?" Shikamaru coughed lightly, causing Neji's ears to perk at the slight wet sound in his cough.

"They're just anti-convulsants and sleeping pills." Neji was honestly thrown off by the casual tone in Shikamaru's voice.

_Anti-convulsants are used for a wide variety of mental issues, but from what I know, they're powerful stuff. Sleeping pills are obviously for insomnia and other sleeping issues. Shikamaru taking sleeping pills make more sense than him taking anti-convulsants._

"Are they here?" Shikamaru's small voice broke through Neji's thoughts. Neji patted Shikamaru's right arm gingerly, preparing himself for Shikamaru's unknown reaction to seeing other people.

"Yeah, Asuma, Sakura, and Choji are here." Shikamaru rolled over to look up at him with a slightly confused look.

"Sakura's here?" Neji nodded.

"She feels bad for how she's acted towards you." Shikamaru nodded, not seeming to be upset about Sakura. Shikamaru blinked slowly, Neji seeing the heavy weariness that started to settle in on Shikamaru's face.

_Some of the medication might be kicking in. By the looks of it, he took some of it when I was out. He doesn't look like he can stay awake long enough to even face Asuma, Choji, and Sakura._

He heard a slight groan and felt some movement as Shikamaru sat up, placing his hands in his lap. Neji was barely able to see a small red line on Shikamaru's left wrist before the Nara could hide it. Gingerly, Neji grabbed Shikamaru's arm so he could clean it, figuring that the wound opened when Shikamaru scratched it.

Neji reached into the small plastic bag he kept in Shikamaru's nightstand that was full of bandages and disinfectant. He was glad to see that Shikamaru wasn't resisting against him as much as he used to. Neji had figured out 2 weeks ago that the reason why he had a red line on his hand was because when he gripped Shikamaru's wrists, some of the wounds came open.

Silence continued to surround them as Neji finished patching up Shikamaru's wrist and placed the supplies back in the nightstand drawer. Shikamaru fiddled with his fingers as his short choppy hair hid his face. He felt Neji stand and turned his head towards him, his hair still hiding his face. Slowly, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood, shuffling over to his closet for a baggy sweater; he felt Neji's eyes follow him.

Slipping the baggy dark green sweater over his head, he caught his reflection in the mirror. He scratched his nose as he noticed that he had to pinch the waistband of his black running pants more so that they wouldn't slide down his hips. The sweater hid his thinning frame and the majority of his hands, kind of making him look as though the sweater was eating him. He ran a hand through his short choppy hair, making it fall back into his eyes and around his cheekbones. He turned towards Neji.

"Let's go."

**xXxXx**

Asuma, Choji, and Sakura continued to look around Shikamaru's tidy apartment, honestly surprised that it was as well organized and clean as it was. But what made them even more surprised when they saw the massive amount of books that Shikamaru had and the fact that there was a small piano behind the couch and pushed against the wall.

They looked up when they heard 2 sets of footsteps coming down the hall, feeling their hearts race because of their anticipation to see Shikamaru. They heard Neji and Shikamaru stop at a room and flicked on the light, making them assume that they stopped at the bathroom; but they became confused when they heard a slight rattling sound and some mumbles. After a few minutes, they heard Neji and Shikamaru walk down the hall again and enter the living room.

Whatever condition Asuma, Choji, and Sakura expected to see Shikamaru in, it certainly what they were looking at now. They didn't expect to see Shikamaru as frail and broken as he was. The baggy dark green prevented them from seeing the extreme thinness of his upper body and arms, and the fact that Shikamaru had to safety pin the top of his running pants to keep them from sliding off his hips was thankfully hidden.

_My God, Shikamaru. What the hell happened to you?_

Asuma felt his throat become tight at the sight of his broken, rundown student. The only part of his body that they were really able to see thoroughly was his head, which Shikamaru seemed to be having a good bit of trouble keeping it up. Sakura's eyes softened when she looked at Shikamaru's now choppy, cheekbone-length hair that fell into dull, weary eyes.

"Where's the one we're working on?" Shikamaru asked, his voice tired and dull.

"I have no idea, but I know it's in here somewhere." Neji said as he walked to the kitchen. Shikamaru sighed, not paying attention to the others. Asuma was taking steady breaths, making sure that he didn't allow his emotions to overwhelm him.

Shikamaru looked around the room and shuffled over to the stack of books near the door and looked down at the piles, not acknowledging Asuma, Choji, and Sakura. They weren't sure how to react around Shikamaru since they've never seen him in this condition before, but they heard him let out a small groan as he gingerly knelt down in front of one of the piles and started looking through the books.

"S-Shikamaru, do you need some help?" Choji offered, stepping forward so that he was standing next to his friend. The Nara didn't respond to his question as he continued to shuffle through the books on the floor. Choji bit his lower lip nervously…he wanted to talk to his friend…at least make him look at him. Carefully, he laid a hand on his back.

"Don't touch me!" Shikamaru screamed, standing and whirling his attention towards him. Choji didn't know how to react when Shikamaru's eyes glared at him, almost like he was staring straight through him. Shikamaru took a step towards him, still glaring at him.

"Find it yet?" Neji asked as he walked into the living room, placing a coffee mug on top of the small bookshelf. "I'm sorry, did you guys want anything?" He asked the others, who kindly declined. They heard Shikamaru growl.

"No, I haven't found it yet. Where the hell could it be?" He lightly kicked over the stack of books he was sifting through, causing the pile to spill over. He sighed heavily and picked up the book on the bottom of the pile. "I found it." Shikamaru released another small groan as he stood.

"It was at the very bottom?"

"Yeah, and we lost our spot."

"Don't worry, we'll find it." Neji said, now sitting on the arm of the couch next to Sakura.

"What is that?" Sakura asked, doing her best to keep her voice soft and kind. Shikamaru turned his attention towards her and felt a very bizarre vibrating sensation in his temples, making his body feel as though it was stalk-stiff.

He's never noticed it until now. Sakura's eyes looked very similar to someone's he used to know. He clenched his teeth and felt his eyes grow glassy with anger as he realized who Sakura reminded him of:

His mother.

His mother's eyes were bright green and they sparkled for the majority of the time he remembered seeing them. He saw her long dark brown hair flowing down her back. He heard his mother's voice, her laugh. He heard her read Shakespeare to him and then explaining what it meant. He felt her hands over his as she showed him how to play a certain song on the piano. He felt her arms wrap around his small body, trying to make the tremors go away. He saw her lying on her bed, covered in her blanket. He saw a small vital in her hand. He saw her pale skin and blue lips. He felt the coldness of her skin in his hand.

His saw his mother's dead body.

Shikamaru snarled at Sakura, angry tears now welling in his eyes and slowly rolling down his cheek. Neji pushed himself off the couch, knowing that Shikamaru was going to do something. Shikamaru felt the hatred towards his mother swell within him, making feel like he was on fire.

"You bitch." He hissed at Sakura, taking everyone by surprise. However, Sakura became angry at him and placed her hands on her hips. Everyone felt her anger flow through the room…she was like Tsunade…she was known for her anger and usually got her way when she was angry.

"What did you just say to me?" She yelled, taking a few steps towards him, not caring about the current condition that Shikamaru was in.

"You fucking bitch! You left me!" Sakura was taken aback by this.

_Left? I didn't go anywhere._

"Shikamaru, I didn't go anywhere!" She yelled back.

"You left me behind!" Shikamaru screamed as Neji hurried over to him and gently wrapped an arm around his narrow waist as he pulled him back, realizing that he was approaching Sakura slowly.

"Shikamaru, what the hell are you talking about?" Sakura asked, her voice laced with anger and confusion. Neji looked at her from behind Shikamaru, shaking head lightly as he stared at her from over Shikamaru's shoulder, silently telling her to not push Shikamaru anymore. She saw Neji's silent warning, but didn't feel her anger dissipate.

Neji wrapped his other arm around Shikamaru's slim waist and pulled him back against him as he felt Shikamaru try to advance towards Sakura. He held Shikamaru close to him, attempting to get Shikamaru to calm down and not try to hurt Sakura…even though he was sure that he wouldn't be able to anyway because of his current condition.

"Shikamaru…she didn't leave you." Neji said quietly into his ear. He felt Shikamaru try to get near Sakura.

"She left me behind."

"Shikamaru," Neji repeated. "She didn't leave you. No one has left you."

"She left me behind." Shikamaru said in a voice barely above a whisper.

Neji's brow furrowed slightly as he tried to think of why Shikamaru was saying that Sakura left him. It didn't make any sense, but his thoughts were interrupted and his heart skipped a beat when Shikamaru's legs gave way and he collapsed. Neji barely caught the Nara before he hit the ground and he gently lifted the small man into his arms.

"Hang on." Neji said quietly to the others, briefly looking at them. He began to walk down the hallway when something caught his eye:

The pictures of Shikamaru with his mother.

He narrowed his eyes as he stared at Shikamaru's mother and it clicked:

Shikamaru's mother had bright green eyes. [1]

_So I guess he was seeing Sakura as his mother because they both have green eyes, but why now? He's known Sakura for quite a while, so why would he react to seeing Sakura like this now? It makes sense for Shikamaru to make that comparison between his mother and Sakura, but why would it click now?_

He sighed as he continued to stare at the pictures, but a realization hit him painfully:

He would have to tell the others what has happened in the past couple of weeks.

He sighed again and looked back at them. With Shikamaru's head nestled in the crook of his neck, he looked down at them with a relatively somber expression.

"Let me put him in bed and I'll be right back."

**xXxXx**

**Alright Gang,**

**[1]: Yes, I did give Shikamaru's mother green eyes…just b/c I wanted too.**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be greatly appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	11. Presenting the Pieces

**Dearest Readers,**

"**Are you Puff the Magic Dragon? Why you sighing so much?"**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Presenting the Pieces**

He sat on the side of the bed, feeling his worry intensify as he became more aware of the fact that Shikamaru was becoming much frailer both physically and mentally. Neji always knew that Shikamaru was frail since he started staying with the Nara about two weeks ago. No matter how much he tried to make Shikamaru eat, the Nara's body still looked like it was made out of sticks.

He gently brushed some hair away from Shikamaru's face, his worry heightening at the sight of the tear tracks and the hollowness of his face. Neji's pale eyes drifted to Shikamaru's thin arms, his heart pounding at the cuts and fingernail lines on his skin. He didn't understand why Shikamaru scratched and bit himself so much, but now that he knew that Shikamaru had a medication problem, it made sense:

Shikamaru was getting itchy blood [1].

Neji sighed quietly and laid the back of his hand against Shikamaru's forehead, his eyes narrowing at the surprising rise in Shikamaru's body temperature. He tucked the blanket around Shikamaru's shrinking and narrow frame, trying to not wake him.

_Great, now he's getting a fever._

Quietly, Neji walked out the room, leaving the door ajar. He walked into the living room, not acknowledging Asuma, Choji, and Sakura; too engrossed in his thoughts and worry to pay attention to them. Grabbing a soft ice pack and a towel, he walked back towards Shikamaru's bedroom, feeling the others' eyes following him.

Neji pushed the door open while wrapping the ice pack in the towel and carefully sat on the side of Shikamaru's bed. Gently, he placed the soft ice pack on Shikamaru's forehead; his heart skipped a beat when he saw Shikamaru flinch slightly at the coolness.

He slowly brushed the strands of hair that clung to Shikamaru's sweat-drenched face away, his eyes still wandering over the Nara's hollowing face. The tear tracks glared back up at him, as though mocking him for his inability to prevent Shikamaru's internal pain.

Neji sighed quietly again. He could do nothing about the things happening inside of Shikamaru's mind and it was this feeling of helplessness that was a huge factor in his worry. He continued to unknowingly stroke Shikamaru's cheek with his finger, too lost in his thoughts and worry to care about anything else.

_It's like a rollercoaster: first he's somewhat fine and talking slightly; but then he's crying, screaming, and not talking. Is this normal for someone in this kind of situation?_

His brow furrowed slightly as he saw a tear run from the corner of Shikamaru's eye. He wiped it away, running his fingers through Shikamaru's somewhat matted hair.

_Shikamaru is in recovery now and I guess the true withdrawal symptoms are coming. First there was a mental breakdown, now he's kind of having a physical breakdown…everything self-destructive Shikamaru has been involved with is now "indirectly" hurting him through withdrawal._

Neji felt his heart clench slightly.

_He's been living this self-destructive lifestyle for years and I made him stop everything he was doing all at the same time._

He bit his lip gently.

_Even though it pisses me off to see new cuts and see his pupils dilated or see him passing out because of some kind of drug…I can't get angry at him. He's…he's…_

For some reason, he had a problem with the word.

_Shikamaru is an addict…he's been an addict for years. He's not…no…he can't stop on his own._

Neji sighed as he felt a pressure build inside his chest and crawl up his throat.

_Shikamaru has been in the cycle of addiction and self-destruction for years…he can't break away from it on his own…_

"Neji?" The Hyuuga almost let out a yelp of surprise when he heard a soft voice speak from the doorway. He turned his thoughtful gaze towards the door, finding Sakura standing in the doorway. He smiled lightly and looked back down at Shikamaru, lifting the ice pack off his forehead to feel for his temperature.

_He's still warm, but not as hot as he was before._

He placed the ice pack back on Shikamaru's forehead and stood carefully, not wanting the movement to stir the younger man. Neji took one last long look at Shikamaru before quietly walking across the room towards Sakura, who was now waiting in the hallway.

"The others are getting impatient, I assume?" Neji asked quietly, carefully closing the door. Sakura nodded.

"Yeah, we all want to know what's been going on." Neji rested his hand on the doorknob and looked over his shoulder at her.

Sakura was honestly very surprised at seeing so much emotion on Neji's nearly-always stoic face. Ever since Shikamaru's behavior changed many months ago, she's noticed a slight change in the Hyuuga's demeanor. She considered herself to be observant of other people, but Neji was a difficult person to read. Neji was never one to express emotion, much less concern. Neji deciding to stay with Shikamaru and not tell anyone was a major indicator of his concern. Neji's never expressed so much emotion before, so why now?

_He's trying to hide it, but it's obvious that his concern for Shikamaru is there. And by the look and feel of things…it's growing with each passing second._

"Sakura?" Neji's quiet voice spoke, pulling Sakura from her thoughts. She locked eyes with him.

"Yes?" Neji smiled lightly.

"Let's go."

**NejiXShikamaru**

He kept his face relatively passive as he and Sakura walked into the living room and sat on the arm of the couch near Asuma. Neji remained quiet for a few moments, trying to organize his thoughts.

"Alright Neji," Choji started carefully.

"I suggest," Neji said quietly. "That you don't interrupt me if you want to know anything about what has happened to Shikamaru."

Silence fell in the living room as Neji lightened his gaze.

"I'm not telling you everything," he started calmly.

"What?" Sakura started, her eyes wide. "But he's our friend and teammate, we—"

"What I mean," Neji interrupted. "Is that I'm not telling you all the details. That's Shikamaru's place to do that, not mine." Sakura sighed quietly and played with her fingers in her lap.

"Alright then," Asuma said, trying to prepare himself for whatever Neji was going to say. "How about you take us back to when Shikamaru started to become angry and violent?"

"I'm assuming you understand the concept of Alecto?" Neji asked, glancing around at them.

"Alecto is Shikamaru's anger in a separate form." Asuma summarized plainly, his eyes never leaving Neji's face.

"Apparently, Alecto was born about 14 years ago." Asuma sat up straighter.

"He's been around for that long?" Choji asked incredulously. Neji nodded.

"Shikamaru didn't even know Alecto existed until 7 years ago."

"How does that work?" Neji shrugged his shoulders.

"I honestly don't know." There was a brief moment of silence.

"What are you willing to tell us about what's been happening with Shikamaru?" Asuma asked seriously. Neji hesitated for a few moments, trying to use his best judgment. A flash of silver caught the corner of his eye, giving him an idea.

_Here we go._

"He's explained something to me that he hasn't mentioned to anyone before."

"What would that be?" Neji hesitated again, gently biting his lip.

"Shikamaru's mother committed suicide 4 years ago."

Silence.

Their brows furrowed as the information settled in. Asuma sighed quietly and looked down at the floor with his hands folded.

_Shikamaru's 19 years old now, so he was roughly 15 when she died._

"It's not my place to say how she did it," Neji continued, bringing Asuma from his thoughts.

"So Shikamaru was 15 years old when his mother died?" Asuma said, voicing his previous thought. Neji looked down at the floor and nodded.

"Wait…" Choji started, thinking.

"What is it, Choji?" Sakura asked, looking over at him to her left. Choji sighed and hung his shoulders.

"So his mother died long after the teams were formed." His statement hung in the air, mocking them. Sakura made eye contact with Neji with her brow furrowed.

"His mother committed suicide and he never said anything?"

"He never let on that anything like that had happened." Asuma added, remembering back to when his team first formed. Neji sighed, continuing to stare at the floor.

"He never let on that anything was wrong in the first place." He said quietly, returning everyone's attention back to him.

"What do you mean by that?" Choji asked quickly, worry evident in his eyes. Neji bit his lip again.

How was he supposed to tell them about the years of cruel abuse that Shikamaru suffered in silence right before their eyes?

He remembered the scars on Shikamaru's hands and over his arms. He remembered the brown stains of Shikamaru's blood on the keys of the piano. He remembered the red lines on Shikamaru's bony back. He remembered the multiple bottles of pills in the medicine cabinet along with his blood-stained pocketknife.

He remembered the word 'whore' engraved on Shikamaru's back.

Neji sighed heavily, feeling the overwhelming guilt come back full-force. Even though he hated himself for showing so much emotion in front of them, he couldn't stop it in time. He reached up and pulled the hair tie from his hair, allowing his dark brown locks to flow down his back and into his eyes.

_We could have helped him, but we didn't…we didn't see anything…._

"Neji?" Sakura pressed carefully, noticing the spaced-out look in Neji's eyes. Neji looked up at them, still not sure of how to find the words to explain what he needed to say.

"What about Shikamaru's father?" Asuma asked, "Where does he fit into all of this?"

"He's never met his biological father." Neji said, locking eyes with him.

"Did his mother remarry before she died?" Neji's eyes darkened at the mentioned of Shikamaru's mother's marriage to his stepfather.

_Shikamaru doesn't say 'my' when he talks about his stepfather…he says 'the'…._

"Shikamaru's mother remarried, yes. But Shikamaru doesn't know if his biological father is still in the village or not." They noticed the icy tone of Neji's voice when speaking of Shikamaru's mother's second marriage.

"What about Shikamaru's stepfather?" Choji asked, not sure if he's met him before. Neji stared down at the floor again, his facial expression becoming icy at the thought of Shikamaru's stepfather.

"Shikamaru ran away from home 3 years ago to get away from his stepfather." He said evenly, staring coldly at his sensei.

"There's more to it than that." Asuma stated, keeping his tone even and non-threatening.

The feeling of guilt continued to eat at Neji and he knew that the guilt would be overwhelming in the others as well. He glanced back down at the floor. There was really no simple way of saying it….

"Shikamaru was mistreated by his stepfather his whole life until 3 years ago." He said softly, looking up at them. Silence fell in the room as they stared back at him.

"Mistreated?" Sakura started slowly. "Mistreated…as in…abused?" Neji nodded shortly, confirming her question.

They shifted in silence, all of them feeling overcome by the feeling of indescribable guilt. Asuma sighed quietly and held his face in his hands as Choji and Sakura sat there, completely numb.

"Shikamaru was being abused right in front of us and no one picked up on it." Asuma said quietly, anger and guilt dripping from his voice.

"He didn't want us to know." Neji said, making them all look at him.

"What?"

"Shikamaru did everything he could to make sure that no one would find out that he was being abused. He obviously did a good job."

"Why wouldn't he want anyone to know?" Choji asked.

"From what he tells me, he was so used to that environment that if he was taken away from the abuse, he would've felt out of place." He paused. "Shikamaru knew that what his stepfather was doing to him was wrong…eventually, but he just didn't understand why it wasn't happening to anyone else."

"Shikamaru needed help and none of us were there for him." Sakura said quietly, her eyes tearing up.

Neji was about to say something when a small sound pricked his ear: muffled sobs. He sprung to his feet and hurried down the hallway towards Shikamaru's bedroom. Opening the door carefully, he poked his head inside. His heart broke.

Shikamaru was laying on his front, crying softly into his pillow. Neji quietly walked into the room and shut the door behind him. He walked over to the bed and sat next to him, stroking Shikamaru's short matted hair. Shikamaru jumped slightly and turned his head to the side, facing Neji.

Shikamaru stared at the bedroom door, sniffling slightly as he hardly blinked. He pulled the blanket higher over his head and snuggled into his pillow, hiding his face from Neji as he coughed lightly and groaned.

"Do you want them to go away?" Shikamaru coughed and groaned again. Neji took that as a 'yes' and left the room and headed towards the others.

"Is he okay?" Sakura asked worriedly and Neji tilted his head from side to side as he shoved his hands in his pockets, giving them the signal for them to leave.

They stood and Choji opened the door, stepping out into the bright sunlight. They looked back at Neji as the Hyuuga leaned against the hallway wall.

"I'll be in touch." Neji said shortly, causing them all to leave. Asuma gave Neji one last look before closing the door, leaving the apartment still and dark. Sighing quietly, Neji walked over to the door and locked it, knowing that Shikamaru would know that it was unlocked even if he didn't see it.

He walked back down the hallway and into Shikamaru's bedroom, seeing the Nara in the same position that he had left him in. Neji closed the door and sat on the bed, looking down at Shikamaru's still form. His dark brown hair forming a messy halo around the top of his head.

Neji gently tugged on Shikamaru's blanket and the Nara allowed the blanket to be pulled down to his thin waist. Neji's pale eyes narrowed with worry as he looked at the cuts, scratches, and scars on Shikamaru's thin arms; he noticed that Shikamaru now had a few bite marks on his hands.

_The itchy blood is getting more intense. Now he's biting himself._

Shikamaru grabbed the blanket and pulled it back towards his head and tucked the corners tightly around his neck, coughing again.

_The cough is new…._

He blinked thoughtfully as he heard Shikamaru sniff again.

_Shikamaru must have heard us talking._

He looked down at the top of Shikamaru's head, noticing that his breathing was becoming shallower. Neji smiled lightly as he realized that Shikamaru was asleep. He scooted closer to wall as he sat near Shikamaru's waist, pulling his thin legs over his. Neji grabbed the throw blanket and draped it on top of him as he got comfortable.

_We all care about you, Shikamaru. Please see that._

**NejiXShikamaru**

**Alright Gang,**

**[1]: Itchy blood is not an "official diagnosis" (I think), but it's the only term that I could think of that would work. It's just like it sounds: when the inside of your body feels itchy and you just need to scratch.**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	12. Unlikely Source of Pain

**Dearest Readers,**

**~ "I'm Lord of the Onion Rings."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Unlikely Source of Pain**

Shikamaru was quiet as Neji tilted his head to get a look at Shikamaru's face, seeing him staring at nothing.

_**Release me, Child.**_

_Why?_

_**Just do so.**_

_I don't understand._

_**Just do it.**_

Neji suddenly felt his lap become hot and he quickly looked down at Shikamaru, finding him to be surrounded by a black aura.

_Alecto?_

Shikamaru sat up and Neji crossed his legs and straightened his back slightly against the wall as the black aura retreated into the cursive 'A' on Alecto's forehead. Neji watched as Alecto tucked his left leg underneath him and observed his surroundings, his crimson cat-like eyes finally landing on his face. He smiled lightly.

"Hello Boy," He said, his dark demonic voice sounding out-of-place in the quiet room.

"Hello Alecto," Neji returned, oddly relieved to see the familiar person.

"My Child had an 'episode' of sorts, didn't he?" Neji would've thought that Alecto didn't know anything about what happened between Shikamaru and Sakura if he didn't realize two things:

One: Alecto lived in Shikamaru's mind, so of course he would obviously know about it.

Two: The tone of Alecto's voice seemed…off.

"You know why Shikamaru thought Sakura was his mother." Neji said bluntly and Alecto brushed a chunk of black hair away from his crimson eyes, observing Neji carefully; a small smirk on his face.

"Very good, Boy. The pink-haired girl and the Child's mother both have green eyes…I am glad you were able to put those two things together."

"But why did he react like that? He's known Sakura for years and he's never reacted that way until today." Alecto's smirk grew slightly as he continued to observe Neji.

"The Child didn't have that realization on his own." Neji quirked an eyebrow in confusion.

"What does that mean?"

"I put that realization in his mind." Neji remained silent for a moment.

"So…you brought up Shikamaru's mother and made him see that Sakura has the same eye color as his mother? Why? How come Shikamaru didn't make that comparison earlier?" Alecto was quiet for a moment.

"Because I knew that he would react that way. I knew that having that realization would hurt him." He paused again. "The Child didn't make that comparison earlier because he didn't want to think about his mother in any way, so the Child ignored everything that would remind him of her…he eventually failed to make comparisons between his mother and anything that would remind him of her."

Neji processed what he was being told, secretly blown away that Shikamaru can discipline his mind to the extent that he can't make comparisons between his mother and anything that would remind him of her anymore; however, he felt his temper flare instantly at Alecto's words, not understanding why Alecto would purposefully hurt the one person he is most protective of.

"But why would you do that to him?" Neji asked. Alecto sighed lightly and briefly looked out the window to his left, just above Neji's head.

"I understand that bringing up the physical comparison between his mother and the pink-haired girl would hurt him terribly, but—"

"Then why do it?" Neji snapped, letting his anger seep through his voice. Alecto was taken aback, but hid it carefully.

_**That's interesting….**_

"Why did you bring make Shikamaru see the familiar eye color between his mother and Sakura if you knew it would hurt him?" Neji asked angrily, wanting an answer to his question immediately.

"I didn't bring it up just to hurt him."

"Then why?"

"Because his mother was one of the most significant people from the past…my Child refuses to look back into the past because of the pain it brings. However, he needs to look back."

"Why?" Neji asked, his voice much calmer now that Alecto was giving him the information he wanted.

"He needs to look at the past in order to move on into the future." Neji looked down at Shikamaru's blanket.

_He has a point…damn it._

"My Child must see what has happened to him in his life, like losing his mother to suicide, and look at his life the way it is at the current moment, and compare the two." Neji raised an eyebrow at him.

"Meaning?"

"He must see how far he has come in his life. My Child has acknowledged certain things, but he has not acknowledged of all them. He has spoken of certain things to you, but not all things. However, there is one thing that he has not done."

"What's that?"

"Process and let go."

Silence fell in the room as Neji looked back down at Shikamaru's blanket, fiddling with a loose thread. Alecto was right:

Shikamaru hasn't let go of a lot of the bitterness and un-forgiveness that he's kept to himself for many years. He hasn't let go of a single thing that has happened in his life.

"My Child," Alecto continued. "Needs to remember everything about his mother right now; he needs to see what he has done to himself in reaction to her death. He needs to acknowledge and remember what has happened to him in the past in order to accept it and move on into the future."

"You're helping him by making him feel the emotional pain that past experiences have brought." Neji said softly, understanding what Alecto was saying. Alecto nodded.

"Exactly, Boy. He needs to understand that he can't change what has happened by burying it and pretending it didn't happen. He is not acknowledging or even confronting what has happened in the past so therefore…he can't let it go and move past it. He can't make the pain stop if he denies the sources of that pain."

Neji leaned back on his hands, thinking. He knew that Alecto was right, but that didn't mean that he was okay with the fact that Shikamaru would be in pain. He didn't want Shikamaru to be in pain, but he knew that Shikamaru would have to be in order to get better.

"I am aware that you care deeply for him, Boy." Alecto said, bringing Neji out of his thoughts.

"What?" Neji asked, making Alecto smirk lightly.

"You care about my Child; it is quite obvious that you do. I do not want to see him hurting anymore than you do, but this must happen. My Child will not get better until he acknowledges and confronts past experiences." Neji directed his eyes thoughtfully to the locket hanging on the wall to his left.

"_Acknowledges and confronts the past"…I wonder…._

"Alecto," Neji started, sitting up straighter.

"Yes?"

"Do you know if Shikamaru's biological father is in this village?" Alecto raised an eyebrow at him, intrigued.

"I do not, Boy. Why ask such a question?" Neji hesitated.

"What about his stepfather?" Alecto's crimson cat-like eyes darkened and narrowed dangerously. Neji waited for Alecto to speak first as he could practically feel Alecto's anger radiate off of him.

"Possibly…if he is still here, he will be in the rough part on the East side of the village." Neji felt his heart soar at this.

_Shikamaru's stepfather could possibly still be in the village…same with his biological father. But if Shikamaru was born and raised in the village, then his biological father will most likely be around here somewhere. But…_

Neji felt his soaring heart dive into the pit of his stomach:

He didn't know Shikamaru's stepfather's name and he had a feeling that Alecto isn't going to offer that piece of information without something in return.

"What…" Neji started, knowing that he was walking on extremely thin ice. "What is…his name?"

"Whose?"

"His stepfather's."

Alecto's eyes narrowed even further and Neji felt his face and the front part of his body turn warm as Alecto's anger radiated even more off of him. Neji knew that it was risky to ask for the stepfather's name, but in order for his plan to work, he needed to know.

"Why?" Alecto hissed quietly, glaring at Neji.

"You said that Shikamaru needed to acknowledge and confront the past, right?" Neji asked, staring back at Alecto with determination. Alecto nodded.

"The stepfather is obviously a significant part of his past," Alecto said quietly, catching on to Neji's plan.

"Right, so when Shikamaru is more stable…won't confronting his stepfather put a lot of things to rest?" Alecto leaned back on his left hand thoughtfully. "But he has said before that he would like to meet his biological father someday." Neji added, making Alecto quirk an eyebrow at him.

"Did he?" Neji nodded.

"And I'm sure there's a way on how I can find him." Alecto hesitated. Neji began to feel some of the heat ebb away as Alecto began to calm down slightly.

"And that is?"

"There is a room in the Hokage's Tower that contains documents about every single villager; Birth Certificates, Marriage Licenses, Death Certificates, and other things. If I can get into the room, I can find Shikamaru's biological father's location and take Shikamaru to him. I already know his name," He added, seeing Alecto about to speak.

"So once Shikamaru meets his biological father, maybe that will give him closure on certain things…like not having a real father around." Both of their eyes darkened at the simple fact that Shikamaru never had a real father in his life.

"Maybe once he's met his real father, then he'll be able to face his stepfather." Alecto looked thoughtfully at Neji, considering what he said. Neji knew that Alecto was considering his plan by the shrouded look in the crimson eyes.

_He's considering it…he doesn't want to put Shikamaru in any kind of danger, especially with Shikamaru's stepfather being involved._

"You will be with him?" Alecto asked sternly, staring unblinkingly at Neji, who nodded.

"Absolutely, I'm not letting him go anywhere by himself." Alecto smirked again at the protectiveness in Neji's tone of voice.

"Since I know that you will take care of him," Alecto said. "I will allow this. However," He paused. "If my Child gets hurt in anyway…I will hurt you." Neji nodded. "I know that emotional pain is unavoidable, especially since he is experiencing it now. But do not allow that man to lay a finger on him again." Neji knew 'that man' meant the stepfather.

"He has to get through me first and I like to think that I'm not easy to get passed."

"Good, keep him safe. That is all that I ask of you. You have proven that you will not leave and that you will take care of him, so I know that you will continue to do those things." Neji felt flattered by Alecto's words, not knowing that Alecto trusted him to that extent.

"But I have a question for you, Boy." Alecto asked, making Neji raise an eyebrow at him.

"Yes?"

"How will you get into this room that you speak of without indulging too many of my Child's secrets?" Neji smiled lightly.

"I have a way with words…and leverage."

**NejiXShikamaru**

**Alright Gang,**

**Woot, woot. Almost done with editing!**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	13. Tiny Step

**Dearest Readers,**

"**Welcome to My Happy World, now get your shit and leave."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Tiny Step**

He sat on the roof of Shikamaru's apartment building with his legs dangling over the ledge as his lilac-colored eyes stared up at the twinkling stars. He has been in the process of thinking about and processing what he learned from Alecto almost two weeks ago, still figuring out what to do from here.

Neji and Alecto's worry about Shikamaru has been rising day-by-day, both of them seeing the deterioration of the one they both deeply care about. They both knew that Shikamaru's deteriorating physical health is linked to his mental health, which has been unstable for the past month.

Neji is continually trying to make Shikamaru eat something throughout the day, no matter how small the amount of food Shikamaru ate. Shikamaru has had a drastic weight loss on top of the fact that he was very thin to begin with, but there was only so much he could do before Shikamaru started getting angry with him. Neji was spending much more time sitting on Shikamaru's bed, watching him stare at the wall, knowing that Shikamaru was too unhealthy and weak to even move.

However, just because Shikamaru was too unhealthy and weak to move, didn't mean that he didn't find ways to hurt himself. A few days ago, Neji had turned on Shikamaru's lamp and discovered that the light bulb was missing. While the Nara was sleeping, Neji searched his room and discovered the broken shards of glass stored in the back of the drawer in his nightstand. While he was doing a few random chores throughout the apartment, he heard Shikamaru wail loudly and was instantly in the doorway of his bedroom. Neji's face softened when he saw that Shikamaru's nightstand drawer was on floor, while the younger man wailed into his pillow knowing that the shards of glass that he used to hurt himself had been taken away from him.

But Neji would find new self-inflicted injuries somewhere on Shikamaru's deteriorating body. He always found bite marks on his hands and deep scratches all along his arms. Neji admittedly didn't understand the pain associated with withdrawal.

He didn't understand the unbearable needs that Shikamaru had for medication and pain. On top of that, he didn't understand what it was like to have itchy blood; so Neji was basically sleeping on Shikamaru's bedroom floor in an attempt to prevent Shikamaru from hurting himself during the night. But Neji knew one thing:

He couldn't protect or save Shikamaru from himself.

Neji and Alecto had agreed to try to make Shikamaru leave his apartment once he was physically able to, but by the way things have been looking for the past couple of weeks…they both realized that Shikamaru's physical recovery was going to take much longer than they anticipated.

Alecto had said that he would allow Shikamaru to leave the apartment with Neji even though he wasn't physically healthy, but they both knew that Shikamaru's mind wouldn't be able to handle the exposure to such different surroundings, thus leading Shikamaru even further into mental instability and self-destructive behavior.

It was too dangerous to allow Shikamaru to leave the apartment in his current condition, but he hasn't even breathed fresh air for the past month and was now to the point where he was basically incapacitated for a long extent of time. Both Neji and Alecto knew that exposing Shikamaru to someone other than Neji would affect Shikamaru in ways that they wouldn't be able to handle.

So they both agreed to keep Shikamaru in his apartment for the time being even though it was possible that the isolation would make Shikamaru's mental health worse. But they both knew that the isolation wasn't affecting Shikamaru in a way that would affect someone else.

Over the past 4 weeks, not only has Shikamaru changed, but he has as well. Granted, Shikamaru's change in behavior and health is much different than what Neji was experiencing, but Neji was slightly surprised when he realized the slight changes in himself.

He expressed much more emotion than he ever has in his life, and he was a bit uneasy about Sakura noticing it.

His already long span of patience had increased over the course of his stay with Shikamaru. He knew that Shikamaru would take quite a long time to show improvement and recover, and he willingly stayed with the younger man every single day for fear that the Nara would get hurt in either a physical or emotional sense. He was protective of Shikamaru, he and Alecto both knew it.

He felt the need and desire to keep Shikamaru safe from the world and all the pain that reality brings. But Neji knew that he couldn't save Shikamaru from himself; that was something that Shikamaru needed to do on his own even though Neji would be there with him every step of the way.

It tore Neji apart in a way beyond words to see Shikamaru in such great amount of pain, despair, and anguish. It killed him that he couldn't make the pain go away forever and he felt his heart stop every time Shikamaru cried. Neji wanted to hold Shikamaru close to take the pain away, more than willing to keep the pain locked away inside his own heart and mind. He wanted to take Shikamaru away from himself and his pain, but knew that he could never do that no matter how much it hurt him to know that.

He noticed that he was opening up more about himself to Shikamaru. Even though Shikamaru didn't talk very often and was very quiet when he did so, Neji knew that Shikamaru was listening; he even found himself voicing his insecurities, fears, and frustrations. He had become very emotionally attached to the broken man that he has spent four weeks with, finding that he ran errands much quicker than he usually does and wasn't out of the apartment as often as he used to be. He wanted to be with Shikamaru every second of the day, but also knew that Shikamaru needed some space at times.

A light breeze blew, blowing some of Neji's brown bangs into his eyes. He felt his face to be slightly colder than usual and that some of his hair stuck to his face. He reached up and brushed his fingertips across his cheekbones, feeling his cheeks to be slightly wet.

_When the hell did this happen?_

He continued to stare up at the stars that twinkled back at him; his mind occupied by the younger man a few floors below him. He was exhausted and mentally worn out, but he had to remain strong for Shikamaru's sake. He knew he could remain strong for Shikamaru, he had no doubt about that, but that didn't mean that he couldn't feel some form of fatigue. He was determined to make sure that Shikamaru recovers from his mental breakdown, no matter how long it took. He was dedicated to the Nara physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Neji smiled slightly.

He never had a true emotional connection with anyone; never felt a sense of dedication to another person. How Shikamaru was able to change that without knowing it was beyond him, but he knew that he couldn't let Shikamaru go no matter how much the younger man pushed him away.

He wasn't going anywhere.

Although Shikamaru was quiet much more often, Neji was relieved that he would open up bit by bit about his past and thoughts. Neji had lost count of how many times he would sit on Shikamaru's bed, leaning against the wall with Shikamaru's legs across his lap as Shikamaru stared at the wall or ceiling, just speaking about whatever was on his mind. Neji would listen intently to every single word that Shikamaru spoke, not only to be supportive and because he wanted too, but also because he had a strong feeling that some of the things the Nara said had a deeper meaning.

Never in his life did Neji think that he would become so strongly attached to anyone, much less someone like Shikamaru. Whenever Shikamaru slept, Neji would think back to when they first met; not believing that the person he met back then was the same person that lay broken underneath his blanket, as though making a barrier between him and reality.

Even after the first few days of staying with Shikamaru, he knew that there were so many sides to him that no one has ever seen; sides that people didn't know existed. He realized that behind the laid-back, whimsical, lazy, unmotivated façade, laid the person that Shikamaru truly was, but didn't want people to know exist. No longer did Neji see the Nara in the light that everyone else did; he no longer saw him as unmotivated and lazy, but now saw the true strength of Shikamaru's character.

_Shikamaru is nowhere near lazy…he just pretends he's lazy because he's always had to fight for his life. He's the strongest person I know…._

Shikamaru endured roughly 13 years of cruel and torturous abuse, but he hid it so well that even the most observant people didn't notice. At home, Shikamaru was abused to the point that he had physical, mental, and emotional scars too numerous to count. And yet he was able to put on a façade of a lazy, unmotivated, laid-back genius with the skill and precision of a professional; but behind the carefully formulated façade, laid the person who Shikamaru refused to show anyone.

The true Nara was beyond broken.

He was shattered.

Destroyed.

The true Shikamaru spent countless hours silently screaming for help that was not delivered,

Spent more countless hours crying alone, feeling the nightmares coming to haunt him; feeling the suffocating loneliness tighten its grip on him.

The true Shikamaru was locked away from the world, silently hoping that the sweet kiss of Death would take him away as he felt the sting from fresh cuts or the influence of medication.

Shikamaru had suffered in ways that Neji honestly couldn't wrap his mind around. But the most painful part for him was knowing that Shikamaru had suffered in silence.

Shikamaru's silent screams for rescue went unheard.

And yet, despite all that Shikamaru endured, he hid the pain and hid it very well. Shikamaru silently endured roughly 13 years of cruel and tortuous abuse, but was able to keep it to himself and away from the prying eyes of the world in which he lived…that is the true strength of Shikamaru.

The Nara's strength of endurance was unlike anything Neji had ever even heard of or thought existed.

Neji scowled slightly as he stared up at the stars. The people of the village practically admired people like him and Sasuke, when they really should be admiring a person like Shikamaru for his strength of immeasurable endurance. People only looked up to people like him, Sasuke, and some of the others of the teams because of their skills and strength. Shikamaru is just seen as the lazy genius, when in reality, he is the strongest one out of all of them.

He sighed lightly as another light breeze came, blowing more bangs into his eyes. Neji reached up and pulled the hair tie that held his hair in a messy bun near the base of his neck; his brown hair cascaded down his back as he rubbed his eyes wearily. Neji redirected his eyes back up to the sky, smiling lightly as he remembered one of Shikamaru's favorite hobbies:

Cloud gazing.

_I should take him back to his favorite hill some time._

As time passed, he felt his feelings grow stronger and stronger for Shikamaru. He never felt this kind of feeling and attachment to someone before and it honestly frightened him at first. He realized as time passed that he was falling more and more in love with Shikamaru, but he knew that Shikamaru was too unstable at the moment to handle such emotion and any type of intimate relationship.

Feelings can change.

He sighed quietly and swung his legs back towards the roof, standing slowly. He walked towards the door that led down to the apartments and began to descend them; going back to the strong broken person below.

**NejiXShikamaru**

"It's been a month." Ino said as she stirred her ramen aimlessly as she rested her head in her hand.

"Yeah, and Neji said he would be in touch." Choji said bitterly, staring at his empty bowl, surprising the others by the bitterness in his voice.

"True, and Neji isn't the kind of person who doesn't follow through with what he says." Sakura paused. "But maybe he has a reason for not talking to us since we saw him and Shikamaru four weeks ago." Choji scoffed quietly.

"I'd love to know his damn reason for not telling us anything about Shikamaru."

"He told us some things." Sakura tried to reason.

"He barely told us anything!" Choji said loudly, becoming more frustrated by the lack of knowledge about his best friend. They were quiet for a few moments.

"N-N-Neji," Hinata started, drawing everyone's attention to her.

"Yeah, Hinata?" Naruto asked, making the girl blush heavily.

"H-He is very c-c-calculative, p-perceptive, and q-quite intelligent. I-I'm sure he k-knows full well w-what he's doing e-even if we d-d-don't understand his r-reasoning behind h-his silence."

They all sat in silence, thinking about what Hinata just said and realizing that she had a good point. Even though Neji never talked about himself, it was obvious that he was everything that Hinata just said and more.

"She's right," Kiba said, slumping back in his seat. "I'm not his biggest fan, but that doesn't mean I don't like him. He's reclusive, sure, but if myself or anyone else here were in danger…I'm sure we would agree that Neji would be one of the few people we would depend on to help us out."

Hinata looked down at the table to hide her smile, feeling her pride of her cousin rise at the honesty in Kiba's statement. Sasuke stirred his drink quietly as he bit the inside of his cheek lightly, not wanting to admit that Kiba had a point no matter how much he wanted to believe that he wouldn't depend on Neji to get him or anyone else out of danger.

"I still can't believe what Shikamaru looked like and what his behavior was like when he saw him." Sakura said quietly, still stirring her ramen.

"That bad?" Ino asked worried. Choji and Sakura nodded.

"It's hard to put it into words."

They didn't understand anything that was going on with Shikamaru, but they, including Choji, realized that Hinata was right:

Neji knew what he was doing even though he has remained silent since they saw him and Shikamaru for reasons they didn't understand or even know.

**NejiXShikamaru**

"You alright?" Neji asked worriedly as he sat on Shikamaru's bed, leaning against the wall with the Nara's twig-like legs across his lap. Shikamaru didn't answer as he released another painful-sounding wet cough.

Silence.

Another bout of painful-sounding coughing gripped Shikamaru's frail body, causing Neji to slide out from underneath his legs and kneel beside Shikamaru's head on the floor. His eyes widened when he saw that Shikamaru's lips had an unnatural tint of red in them. He darted his eyes to his pillow and his brow furrowed slightly:

The pillow was clean.

"Let me see your hand." Neji asked carefully, having a feeling of what Shikamaru was doing.

The Nara sighed and shook his head lightly as another bout of coughs racked his body. Neji took this opportunity to gently grab Shikamaru's twig-like arm, being mindful of the wounds, from underneath the blanket and open up Shikamaru's hand.

There was a small puddle of blood on his palm.

"Where do you hurt?" His voice was soft despite his sky-rocketing worry. Shikamaru swallowed and blinked slowly a few times.

"Throat," Shikamaru rasped and slid his thin arm out of Neji's hand. "And here." He laid his hand on his chest, coughing lightly.

"Anywhere else?"

"Here." Shikamaru indicated his temples as he closed his eyes, feeling like his head was about to explode. Neji's brow furrowed.

_The coughing fits started about two weeks ago, but this is the first time he's coughed up blood…but what would cause the fits in the first place?_

His eyes narrowed as he answered his own question.

_It's the drug withdrawal. Something that he was taking could have a withdrawal symptom like what Shikamaru's showing._

He sighed quietly.

_I guess this is somewhat similar to itchy blood, but the itchy blood came first then the coughing._

Shikamaru's wet coughs pulled him out of his thoughts as he saw a small amount of blood fall onto the white fabric pillowcase. Neji sighed quietly, hiding his worry even though he knew full well that Shikamaru would pick up on it.

_It definitely sounds like there's internal damage, but I can't take him to the hospital…that's too dangerous for him._

His calculating eyes brushed over Shikamaru's fragile face and landed on the white pillowcase that now had small patches of blood on it. He felt his lips tug slightly upward as he stared at the white fabric.

**NejiXShikamaru (Slight time lapse)**

"Anyone hear from Neji?" Ino asked tentatively, briefly looking up at her friends and comrades in the restaurant.

"Nope." Naruto said, shoving ramen into his face, though his blue eyes showed worry.

"It's been almost two months now! Why has he not told us anything?" Choji asked bitterly, angry at the fact that the only person who knew anything about his best friend was not telling them anything about his condition or wellbeing.

"Well," Kiba said, stretching his arms above his head. "Hinata's right though. Neji's not stupid; he knows what he's doing even if we don't."

"Have you heard from him, Hinata?" Sakura asked, looking at the timid girl across from her. Hinata blushed slightly and shook her head.

"No, I-I haven't h-heard from h-him since we a-all saw h-him at t-the t-training grounds." She fiddled with her fingers absentmindedly. Their frustration and worry grew at her words. Neji wasn't even telling his cousin anything, even though they were on better terms with each other.

Hinata felt some of her comrades' eyes on her, like they were expecting her to tell them something about Neji and Shikamaru. She sneezed, feeling the strange tickling sensation in her nose. She sneezed again; feeling like she had allergies that she knew didn't exist. She sneezed again as she excused herself from the table to walk outside, hoping the fresh air would clear her non-existent allergies.

"Are they interrogating you as much as I think they are?" A soft voice asked from behind her, making her yelp loudly and whirl around. Her eyes became bright as she saw Neji leaning against the wall of the restaurant, looking at her casually.

"T-they're t-trying to make me s-say things that I d-don't know." Hinata said, smiling lightly; finding the behavior of her comrades somewhat humorous. Neji chuckled lightly, slightly surprising Hinata.

"You're not stuttering that much anymore, Hinata." Neji commented, making Hinata blush. "I'm glad." Hinata's blush deepened at his words.

"W-where have you been?" Hinata asked as she looked up, surprised at herself for only stuttering once.

Neji directed his head slightly to the left, indicating for them to walk. Hinata glanced briefly back into the restaurant, knowing that the others will wonder where she went. But she jogged to catch up with her cousin as he continued to walk.

"I've been in the same place; I'm just not speaking to anyone." Neji started quietly, not wanting to be overheard.

"You and Shikamaru are still at his apartment? W-why haven't you k-kept in t-touch like you s-said you w-would?" Neji smiled lightly at Hinata's growing confidence that reduced her stutter.

"It's in Shikamaru's best interest if little information is given out to anyone at the moment." Neji answered, choosing his words carefully. Hinata thought for a moment.

"Is h-he any b-better?" Neji slowed down the pace of their walk at her question, now feeling somewhat better about not being surrounded people who could overhear their conversation.

"That depends on your definition of 'better'." Neji answered, making Hinata glance over at him.

"He i-isn't, is he?" He sighed quietly.

"He has a long way to go, but…" He hesitated. "I need your help." They stopped walking; Hinata surprised by Neji's last statement.

Neji never asks for help, much less from her.

"W-w-what do you n-n-need h-h-help with?" She stammered, completely thrown off by Neji's statement of needing help. Neji smiled lightly as he heard Hinata's stutter come back with full force. He knew that his statement was bizarre for him…he expected it to throw her off.

"Shikamaru has been having a painful wet cough for about two weeks now and he started coughing up blood this morning." Hinata locked eyes with her cousin, clearly seeing the worry that lay in their depths. Her cousin was showing more emotion than she's used to seeing, but she was beyond glad that he was doing so.

Shows of form of respect and trust.

"W-what do you w-want me to d-do?"

"Do you have any remedies that could help him?" Hinata broke their eye contact and looked to the ground on her right, thinking.

"I'm s-sure I h-have s-s-something," She said looking back up at him. "But I-I'm not s-sure how t-they would affect S-Shikamaru." Neji nodded slightly, understanding her reasoning.

Every remedy is different for every person and with Shikamaru the way he is right now…Neji had a feeling that Shikamaru will be feeling like a lab rat until they figured out what could cure Shikamaru's bloody cough. But there was a big catch:

Hinata would need to be there with him to help Shikamaru.

He bit his lip gently, thinking about the possible reactions Shikamaru would have to having a person so close to him that wasn't Neji. He didn't have a good reaction when he saw his two closest friends and sensei. Hinata watched her cousin, seeing him think about the possible outcomes of the situation.

_Shikamaru has always had a mutual respect for Hinata and Hinata wouldn't hurt him intentionally._

He looked back up at his cousin.

"Do you remember where Shikamaru lives?"

**NejiXShikamaru**

**Alright Gang,**

**I know this might bother some of you, but I am aware that some of my "grammar usage" is a little bit off; especially when it comes to numbers. In all honesty, that's just the way I write fan fiction. This isn't a college paper! :P **

**My story = my rules**

**Anyway, as always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	14. Crumbling

**Dearest Readers,**

"**I think you just got your face kicked in! That is my foot in your face…smell the embarrassment."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Crumbling**

He had begun waking up when he heard Neji moving around quietly, which didn't surprise him since that's always been normal for him. When he opened his eyes halfway he felt his heart stop as he saw Neji slipping on his shoes.

Neji was leaving.

Neji was walking out on him.

Neji had given up on him.

Neji wasn't coming back.

He had closed his eyes as the hurt of being left and given up on began to suffocate him, refusing to loosen its hold. He heard Neji walk close to him and was surprised when he felt him brush some of his hair away from his face, gently running his finger down the side of his face. He felt his hurt of being left and given up on lessen as he felt Neji kiss his hair lightly and then walk towards the door, closing it quietly behind him.

He had overreacted.

But his eyes shot open when he heard Neji open the front door and then close it quietly as he left. Tears welled in his eyes and the hurt came back full-forced and gripped him in its suffocating vice, not letting him ignore its presence.

Shikamaru tried to convince himself that Neji was just leaving for an hour or so to run errands like he usually does, but he knew that Neji did that yesterday. So why would he need to leave the apartment again? After two months, had Neji finally given up on him? Had Neji finally had enough?

A sob escaped his lips as his eyes burned from the fresh tears slowly sliding down his face. Shikamaru came to realize a long time ago that he was being such a pain in the ass because of the way he currently was. After two months since…well…since he broke down and later stopped functioning, Neji had given up on him and left. But Shikamaru couldn't blame him. Neji stayed with him in his apartment, locking himself away from the world just to take care of him only to discover that he was sinking down to the point of not being able to function.

So Shikamaru continued to lie in bed, his blanket tightly wrapped around his frail and deteriorating body, as the feeling of loneliness decided to make itself known. But what else was new?

He was always alone and it was stupid on his part to think for one moment that that would change.

He was meant to be alone.

Neji had made that clear to him now.

Neji had walked out and left him behind, leaving him lonely again.

But he had always wanted to be alone, so why is the loneliness so painful?

Shikamaru clenched his eyes shut as another bout of sobs racked his body, soon followed by a fit of bloody coughs. His face was now soaked with the always-present tears as he buried his face into his pillow, wailing loudly.

He remembered the tenderness of Neji's fingertips against his face, wishing that the Hyuuga was with him but now knowing that he will never return. He remembered Neji gently kissing his messy hair, lingering slightly to smell its faint coconut scent.

His mind flashed back to what life has been like since Neji started staying with him two months ago.

He began to remember the countless times Neji would sit on his bed with his thin legs spread over his lap as he read out hints to a crossword puzzle, or reading him one of the books that he found lying around the apartment. He remembered the mornings when he would wake up to the scent of hazelnut and found a cup of hazelnut coffee sitting on his nightstand; the countless times Neji tried to make him eat and sometimes succeeding.

His wails turned into muffled screams mixed with bloody coughs as he remembered all of their conversations as Neji sat on his bed either reading or just keeping him company. He remembered the things he opened up about, the thoughts he voiced, and the feelings he expressed as Neji quietly listened to every word he said. He remembered feeling slightly surprised and warmed by the fact that Neji was telling him about some of his fears, insecurities, and frustrations.

He realized as the weeks passed that he and Neji were talking to each other about things they never talked about to anyone else. At first, this frightened him a great deal because as he talked, he started remembering all the things that he suppressed over the years.

Pain.

He needed to feel pain.

Now.

Pain had always helped him cope with the many things swirling throughout his mind and body.

Pain helped calm the flood of memories.

Pain never left him behind.

He groaned loudly as he coughed, spraying more blood onto his white pillowcase. He was feeling enough pain already, but this wasn't pain that he caused himself. He wanted pain that was controlled by his own hand.

Groaning again, he rolled out of bed and barely landed on his feet. He breathed as deeply as he could to calm his spinning head and shaking limbs. He slowly stood and took a few seconds to balance himself before carefully walking towards the door and opening it, walking down the hallway towards the bathroom.

He placed each foot carefully to the floor as he walked, not wanting to lose his balance which has happened many times. His brain felt fuzzy as he flipped on the light in the bathroom, squinting slightly at the sudden bright light. His dull brown eyes looked around, first at the mirror frame that held no mirror to his partner-in-crime:

The medicine cabinet.

Shikamaru knew that Neji got rid of all the medication that he kept in there and hid his pocket knife. But there was one place in the bathroom that he was sure Neji didn't check for his spare blade…the one he kept just in case.

He gingerly walked over to the shower and carefully sat down and leaned against it, looking down at the tiled floor to his right. He reached out and started fiddling with the tile in the corner between the wall and shower with his narrow fingers. He sighed lightly as the tile came up off the floor and gave a sob of relief when he saw that his spare blade was right where he left it.

He twirled the small blade between his slim fingers, the light reflecting lightly off the sharp edge. He felt the skin on his arms tingle with anticipation as he looked down at his self-mutilated arms; seeing scars from years past to marks from yesterday.

As he looked down, his dark brown hair created a curtain around his face, blocking out the offending light in the bathroom. He didn't realize that his hair was fairly close to his lips. His dark eyes narrowed at it as it swayed slightly.

Why was it making him so angry to see his growing hair?

Shikamaru reached up with his free hand and slowly ran his fingers through his matted locks, his eyes following his movements. His hair mocked him; reminding him of the times the stepfather would grip it in his large hands and drag him around the apartment by it.

Hair was something that Shikamaru wanted to be:

Dead.

His heart fluttered at the word.

His eyes stung with more fresh tears as he grabbed a chunk of his hair near his face and began to chop it off by moving his blade back and forth quickly across his hair. He growled deeply in his sore throat as he threw the chunk of hair away from him and grabbed another portion of his hair and began to chop it off as well.

The walls reverberated the sounds of Shikamaru's sobs, wet coughs, and low growls as he continued to chop off chunks of his hair with the small blade; the sound of the blade being dragged back and forth through his hair grated on Shikamaru's nerves.

His now shortened hair now fell halfway over his eyes, which had now directed themselves down towards his arms. Twirling the blade between his slim fingers again, he began to trace a prominent scratch on his left forearm. He smiled lightly as he saw blood slowly pool from the open wound and around his arm; the sting of pain felt as though it was rejuvenating his body.

He stopped.

He felt that uncomfortable and overwhelming feeling of needing to itch deep under his skin.

His skin began to crawl and felt like bugs were racing through his veins.

Looking at the scratch marks on his thin arms, he turned his blade on its side and began to scrap it across his skin furiously. A scab began to form on his left forearm, near the other fresh wound. Scrapped off skin cells began to cover the blade as Shikamaru's pace began to slow down.

He stopped and dropped his blade, the clinking sound reverberating in the small room.

His dull eyes directed down at the blade and he nudged it back towards its hiding spot, placing the tile back over it.

His brain started to feel fuzzier as his dull eyes landed on his dark hair lying on the white tiles in front of him, almost like it was mocking him of the reality that just because he chopped off his hair, doesn't mean that he could chop memories from his mind. He sobbed again and felt his body lean to his left, causing him to lie on his side on the tiled floor. The occasional sob and cough escaped him.

Neji wasn't around to save him this time.

Neji had left.

Neji had given up on him.

Neji wasn't coming back.

**NejiXShikamaru**

He had decided to accompany Hinata back to the compound for her to grab the things that she needed, hoping that Shikamaru would be fine in the meantime. The younger man was sleeping when he left, mainly because he left earlier than he usually did, so he was relatively sure that Shikamaru would either still be asleep or just waking up when he and Hinata returned to the apartment.

"I'll wait out here." Neji said quietly, stopping in front of the compound gates. Hinata looked up at him briefly, but understood his reasoning for not going into the compound. She hurried inside so they could get to Shikamaru quicker.

The elders of their clan didn't disown Neji or anything along those lines, but it was a somewhat unwritten 'rule' that her older cousin wasn't to be discussed amongst them. She assumed this different view of Neji throughout their clan was brought on by his sudden disappearance, none of them knowing where exactly he was. Even though Hinata knew where Neji had been for the past two months, she kept her mouth shut. Though this was only the second or third time that she's seen her cousin in the past few weeks, she now knew that they both had a mutual, unspoken respect towards each other which was something Hinata never thought would happen.

Hinata's always had a respect for Neji, but that was mainly out of fear. But as time has passed, she has found her fear of Neji has been ebbing away and was being replaced by a mutual respect that was commonly shared among siblings.

This was the main reason why she never spoke of Neji's whereabouts to the others in their clan. She felt a growing connection with her cousin even though they rarely see each other; she didn't want to lose the connection for fear she would never get it back, especially since she was growing close to the cousin that was the most reclusive and passive among all of their clan.

She looked down at her bag, not realizing that she had been packing a few of her things and remedies for Shikamaru the whole time she was thinking. Hinata slung her bag onto her back and quietly shut her door behind her and hurried back outside to meet Neji by the gate.

"Got them." She said slightly breathless as she stopped in front of Neji as he leaned his back against the wall. He looked at her with softened eyes, which threw her off.

"No stutter." He said simply and began to walk in the direction of Shikamaru's apartment building. Hinata blushed lightly and hurried after him, following his pace as they walked.

"S-so," Hinata started awkwardly, breaking the silence. "What h-has Shikamaru b-been like for the past two months?" Neji glanced down at the street they were walking on, thinking carefully. Hinata eyed him carefully out of the corner of her eye, wondering if she asked the wrong question.

"Hard to say to be honest." He said, glancing over at her.

"I d-don't follow."

"At first, he was up and down and all over the place. There were some days he was relatively fine, but then he would sink back down." He paused. "But for the past week now, he's basically been incapacitated." Hinata's eyes went wide at his last statement.

"Incapacitated?" Neji sighed lightly as Shikamaru flooded his vision.

_Shikamaru's stopped functioning?_

"He barely gets out of bed now…he's too weak, unhealthy, and depressed to do so." Hinata's eyes gained a sadden look at Neji's tone of voice and the words he was saying.

"He cries every day, more or less, and he always stares at the wall." He paused again; Hinata sensing Neji's internal struggle with the emotions associated with Shikamaru. "But he always hurts himself. He doesn't need an item to do it now." He finished quietly, keeping his face hidden from Hinata as he looked to his left away from her. Hinata knew why he was doing that:

He didn't want her to see his eyes, which basically told everything that a person was feeling.

He didn't want her to see that he was hurting as well because of the reality that he couldn't take Shikamaru's pain away.

She remained silent for a few moments.

"How d-does he hurt h-himself?" She bit her lip instantly, not sure if she touched a nerve.

_Watch what you're saying, Hinata! You idiot!_

"He bites his hands and scratches his arms." Neji said softly as they took a left down towards Shikamaru's apartment building. "He also pulls at his hair." Hinata briefly caught the look in Neji's eyes and saw them full of worry, weariness, and internal conflict.

She decided to not say anything as they made their way up to Shikamaru's apartment.

As they walked down towards Shikamaru's door, Neji pulling out his keys in the process, Hinata adjusted the bag on her shoulder, not sure what to expect.

As soon as they were inside Shikamaru's apartment, Neji's ears were pricked by the sound of soft sobs and coughs that sounded like they were echoing throughout the whole apartment.

**NejiXShikamaru**

**Alright Gang,**

**I honestly don't have too much to say right now.**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated! (They encourage me!)**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	15. Female Companion

**Dearest Readers,**

"**You inspire me to build pillow forts."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Female Companion**

He felt his heart begin to pound rapidly in his chest as he heard Shikamaru cry, but not understanding why his cries were echoing throughout the entire apartment.

"Wait here for a moment." Neji said quietly to Hinata, who nodded and walked to sit on the couch, her pale eyes taking in her surroundings.

Quietly, Neji walked down the hallway and was surprised to see the bathroom door open with the light pouring into the hallway. His heart continued to pound as he peered into the bathroom, not sure what state Shikamaru was in. His pounding heart froze in his chest as he saw Shikamaru lying on his side, sniffing and coughing periodically. His eyes drifted to the chunks of hair scattering the floor, realizing that he hacked off more hair this time than when he did when he had his breakdown. His eyes darted around the floor.

_What did he use to cut off his hair?_

As carefully as he could, he slowly approached Shikamaru and knelt down on both his knees, trying to see the Nara's face. Gingerly, he brushed Shikamaru's short and jagged hair away from his tear-stained face, feeling his heart break as Shikamaru's dull brown eyes stared passed him.

"Shikamaru," Neji whispered, leaning down in front of Shikamaru's face to make eye contact.

"What happened?" Neji asked gently, trying to convey to Shikamaru that he wasn't angry at him. Shikamaru sniffed as the sobs begin to loosen their grip on his fragile body.

"I…I-I thought you left." Shikamaru whispered after a few moments. Neji's eyes widened momentarily, feeling guilt and more worry rise within him. He brushed more hair away from Shikamaru's face, trying to move the hairs that were stuck to his tear-soaked face.

"Shikamaru, I promised that I wouldn't leave you and I don't break promises with people I care about." Shikamaru sniffed.

"I was scared." Shikamaru whispered again.

"I'm sorry I frightened you," Neji said softly. "But I needed to go get someone." Shikamaru's eyes widened.

"G-get someone?" Neji nodded lightly.

"Yes, Hinata's here." He paused, waiting for Shikamaru's reaction to having someone new near him. He knew Shikamaru was thinking about this new piece of information, but he wasn't sure if Shikamaru knew how to react to having Hinata near him.

"Why?"

"She's quite knowledgeable about remedies and things of that nature. I'm sure she'll know how to take care of your cough." Shikamaru sniffed again and broke eye contact with Neji.

_He doesn't know how to react to having Hinata around._

"How about we clean you up a little bit and then you can see Hinata if you want to." Neji said gently as he helped Shikamaru sit up.

Shikamaru remained quiet as Neji grabbed a washcloth from the closet and wet it in the sink. Kneeling in front of Shikamaru again, he reached up to wipe the tears off of Shikamaru's face before the Nara stopped him. He took the cloth from Neji's hand and began to wipe his face himself.

"I'm a big boy." Shikamaru mumbled through the cloth, his statement making Neji chuckle lightly.

"I know you are, but I can't help wanting to take care of you." Shikamaru stayed quiet as Neji sat in front of him, feeling the Hyuuga's eyes watch him.

It was then that Neji saw a new redness on Shikamaru's left forearm. He saw that Shikamaru had traced a wound he already had, but now it looked like he was developing a scab. He understood why Shikamaru was constantly scratching his arms, but he didn't understand how he was able to trace a wound so perfectly and then develop a new scab.

He paused.

_Shikamaru might have a blade somewhere that I missed._

Neji stood and helped Shikamaru to his feet, his eyes drifting to Shikamaru's hair, his heart breaking even more at the drastically different lengths. He gently held Shikamaru's elbow as he led him into the hallway, waiting for Shikamaru to make a move on where he wants to go. They made brief eye contact and Shikamaru knew that Neji had seen his arm, but he retorted a look that said he didn't care.

Shikamaru gently pulled his arm away from Neji's grip and quickly dabbed blood off of his arm and then shuffle towards the door; but Neji smiled lightly when Shikamaru took a left down the hallway, towards Hinata.

_Looks like I may be right…he has a mutual respect for Hinata and probably knows her well enough to know that she wouldn't intentionally hurt him…maybe._

Hinata was now sitting on the floor with different bottles and packets in front of her, looking between each one to make sure that she had all the remedies she was sure would help Shikamaru in some way. She looked up when she heard Neji and Shikamaru walk down the hallway towards her as her heart pounded in her chest at the thought of seeing Shikamaru.

_Neji was right…it does look like Shikamaru has lost a lot of the ability to function. His eyes are dull and red, so it's true that he cries quite a bit._

Her eyes briefly wondered over Shikamaru's thin, self-mutilated arms and then up to his short, freshly chopped off hair.

_It looks like Shikamaru is deteriorating…._

"Shikamaru, are you alright with having Hinata here?" Neji asked gently, still not sure of his feelings about the change. Shikamaru blinked.

"Hi Hinata," Shikamaru said wearily, surprising both her and Neji. Shikamaru walked sluggishly over to the couch behind Hinata and dropped onto it, bringing his twig-like legs up to his chest and rested his chin on his knees.

_He seems to be much more comfortable with Hinata's presence than I thought he would be._

He made eye contact with Hinata, both of them having the same thought. She fiddled with her fingers nervously, not sure what to say to Shikamaru or how to act around him. She turned to look back at him, her eyes saddening at the look of the broken man and the bite marks on his bony hands.

"I-it's nice t-to see you, S-Shikamaru." She stuttered quietly, hoping that she didn't say something that would upset him. Shikamaru blinked as her words sunk in, thinking about them carefully.

He's always had a kind of mutual respect for Hinata. She was shy and timid, but that wasn't all she was even though those are the two traits she mainly presents. She's quite intelligent in terms of healing remedies and she has the kindest and softest heart of anyone he knows. But he didn't know what to think about her statement.

"You too." He mumbled into his knees, clearing his throat lightly. Neji and Hinata made brief eye contact again, both of them obviously surprised by Shikamaru's statement, but they both smiled lightly.

"So you're okay with Hinata being here?" Neji asked, earning a small nod from Shikamaru. He mumbled something, both Neji and Hinata unable to hear him.

"What was that?" Neji asked, sitting on the arm of the couch.

"It will be nice having a female around." Shikamaru repeated quietly.

"I was wondering when you would get sick of me." Neji said jokingly, making Hinata and Shikamaru chuckle lightly.

"I'd never get sick of having you around." Shikamaru said softly with a sense of pure honesty, throwing Neji off for a second.

Hinata turned away from them to hide her smile; she saw Neji's reaction to Shikamaru's statement, even though she knew Neji tried to hide it. His eyes widened slightly and his pale complexion had a small hint of red on his cheeks.

"Besides," Neji continued, recovering from the honesty of Shikamaru's statement. "It's just been us for the past, what…2 months?"

"They came a few weeks ago." Shikamaru mumbled into his knees, both Neji and Hinata knowing that 'they' meant Asuma, Choji, and Sakura.

"True, how have they been by the way?" Neji asked, looking up at Hinata. She didn't know how to react to the softened side of Neji's personality, never realizing that a soft side of Neji even existed. But she was glad to see a lighter, softer side to her normally stoic, cold cousin.

"T-they're doing well." She said. "They a-ask about y-you two a-all the time, wondering if I-I've heard from you. They're all u-upset that they h-haven't seen or h-heard from you." Neji looked down at the top of Shikamaru's head, knowing that he told Asuma that he would be in touch; but that was a month ago.

"Well, the less they know the better." Neji looked back up at Hinata, who nodded, understanding his reasoning. A fit of coughs gripped Shikamaru's frail body, causing a small amount of blood to fall onto his lap. Neji rubbed his back soothingly as Hinata knelt in front of Shikamaru.

"Where do you hurt?" She asked, her eyes set in determination. Shikamaru pointed to his throat, chest and temples.

Neji smiled fondly at his cousin, silently proud that her confidence and determination are finally showing through. He's honestly never heard the strong tone of voice that Hinata spoke in before, making him surer that Hinata was much more than even she thought she was.

"M-may I see your arm?" Hinata asked, stuttering slightly. Neji felt Shikamaru tense underneath his hand as he continued to rub his back. Silence fell in the apartment for a few moments, Shikamaru not moving a muscle.

"Why?" Shikamaru asked quietly, Hinata having to lean in to hear him.

"T-to see how p-physically frail you are." She paused. "I-it'll help in deciding w-what medicine to u-use." Shikamaru remained still as silence fell around them again. Then slowly, very slowly, Shikamaru hesitantly moved his right arm across his body towards Hinata. Neji knew why he gave her his right arm instead of his left, and it seemed like Hinata knew as well:

There were deeper and more prominent self-mutilation scars on his left arm than on his right.

Neji watched his cousin as she made a circle with her thumb and index finger on her right hand around Shikamaru's thin wrist. He watched as Hinata's eyes softened even more as she looked down at her fingers around Shikamaru's wrist. She carefully released Shikamaru's arm and turned to look back at the remedies she brought as Shikamaru placed his arm back on his lap.

"What does that tell you?" Neji asked as Hinata held a bottle in her hands, looking back at him.

"I-it's just my w-way of measuring someone's p-physical health." Neji quirked an eyebrow at her as Shikamaru mumbled into his knees.

"What was that?" Neji asked, looking down at the top of his head.

"How does that work?" Shikamaru repeated, now resting his chin on his knees as he looked at Hinata. She hesitated slightly.

"If my f-fingers are w-wrapped comfortably a-around a person's w-wrist, it m-means they're h-healthy." She paused. "The l-looser my fingers a-are wrapped around a p-person's wrist, the m-more malnourished they are." Neji frowned thoughtfully, silently impressed. Shikamaru redirected his dull brown eyes to the floor as Hinata opened the bottle that was in her hands.

"D-do you have allergies?" She asked, looking at Shikamaru with soft eyes. The Nara made eye contact with her and shook his head.

"What is that?" Neji asked, nodding towards the bottle in her hands.

"It's j-just a h-herbal mixture that s-soothes internal irritation of o-organs." She said, standing.

"Internal irritation of organs?" Shikamaru asked, looking up at her wearily.

"Y-you're coughing up b-blood, so t-there's irritation t-that's caused a s-small amount of e-erosion of certain o-organs, p-probably lungs." She paused. "S-since you're m-malnourished, y-your body started to a-attack itself to p-protect you f-from sickness, but s-started fighting t-too hard."

_When did she learn all of this?_

Neji led Hinata to the kitchen to prepare her herbal mixture for Shikamaru, thinking what she just said in the living room. He started to heat up the tea kettle as he got a mug for Hinata, who grabbed a spoon from the drawer. He leaned up against the counter near the stove as Hinata spooned the medicine into the mug.

"When did you learn all of that?" Neji asked, startling Hinata. She looked over at him as she leaned against the counter behind her.

"L-learn what?"

"All the things you were talking about in the living room." He paused. "I know you are intelligent in terms of remedies and things of that nature." Hinata blushed. "However, I did not know that your knowledge ran as deep and extensively as it does."

"M-medicine interests me, s-so I w-wanted to l-learn about it." She shrugged her shoulders lightly, starting to feel more comfortable in her new settings.

_So she taught herself…interesting._

"And that will help him?" He asked, nodding towards the mug on the counter near Hinata.

"S-should do, yes. He is a b-bit malnourished, so I h-hope that this is t-the correct strength of m-medicine he'll need." She looked down at the mug as Neji continued to look at his cousin.

"What if it's not the correct strength?"

"It won't h-hurt him." She said, looking back up at him, having a feeling that that was his main concern.

"So when he takes this stuff, he'll be fine in a few days?" Hinata tilted her head from side-to-side lightly.

"A-about 10-12 days of t-taking it p-perhaps, but," She hesitated. "M-malnutrition was the m-main cause of t-this." Neji felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach.

"I try to—"

"I know." Hinata said kindly, smiling at him. "So this w-won't happen again, he n-needs to eat a d-decent amount e-every day…e-especially since he's v-very underweight."

The whistle of the tea kettle broke the momentary silence, startling both of the slightly. Hinata walked over with the mug and Neji poured the boiling water into it, instantly smelling a strong floral scent.

"Smells nice." Neji said casually as he led the way back to the living room. Hinata laughed lightly.

"It tastes n-nice too if I r-remember correctly." Neji sat on the arm rest of the couch next to Shikamaru, holding the mug out to him. Shikamaru took it and looked down at the light blue liquid that looked back up at him.

"Smells nice."

**NejiXShikamaru**

"She's not out there?" Sakura asked worriedly as Kiba walked back towards their table, shaking his head slowly. He flopped back in his seat, staring at the table with concern evident in his eyes.

"Hinata's not the kind of person who would leave and not tell anyone." He said, glancing over at Shino for clarification.

"You don't…" Ino started, looking away from Kiba.

"What?"

"You don't think someone…took her, do you?" They thought about it for a moment.

"There would have been commotion if that was true." Shino said quietly, remaining passive even though his shy teammate was now missing.

"Then what happened to her?" Silence fell around them, all of them thinking about possibilities of Hinata's whereabouts.

"She could be with Neji." Sasuke said quietly, stirring his drink slowly. They looked over at him.

"But she said she hasn't heard from him or anything." Sakura said. "So why would she say that, and then go to him? And we all know that Hinata isn't a person who would lie."

"Neji might have come to her." Sasuke said shortly. "He's probably been waiting to get her alone." They mulled over what Sasuke said, and sighed.

First Shikamaru,

Then Neji,

Now Hinata.

Three of their comrades are now nowhere to be seen and they have no form of contact with any of them. Granted, they knew that it was most likely that they were at Shikamaru's apartment, but they agreed that they didn't want to piss off Neji, encounter Alecto, or make Shikamaru's condition worse. They desperately wanted to know what was happening with their comrades, but they had to keep thinking back to what Hinata said.

Neji knew what he was doing, even if they don't.

**NejiXShikamaru**

**Alright Gang,**

**Just as a heads up, a few things in the next chapter won't line up with previous chapters b/c I've changed a bit in the previous chapters.**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	16. Understanding Estrogen

**Dearest Readers,**

"**You can use bombs to blow the Earth to pieces, but you can't use bombs to blow the Earth to peace."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Understanding Estrogen**

His dull brown eyes slowly blinked open, slightly surprised to be looking up at the white ceiling of his bedroom. Shikamaru groaned lightly, feeling a strange sensation in his throat. He released a light cough, silently glad that his head didn't throb when he did so. His eyes drifted to the window and he was even more surprised to see that night had fallen.

"You've been out of it b-basically the whole d-day." A soft voice said from his right, Shikamaru turned towards it to see Hinata smiling lightly at him as she sat nervously on his bed. He reached up pointed to his throat.

"This feels weird." He crocked lightly, making Hinata nod slightly.

"I-it will do f-for a few d-days."

"Where's—"

"I f-forgot my jacket b-back at the complex and N-Neji didn't want me g-going over there b-by myself in the d-dark, so he went to get it." Shikamaru eyed her carefully.

"You don't stutter that much anymore." Hinata blushed, surprised by Shikamaru's comment.

"N-Neji said that t-too." Shikamaru paused for a few moments.

"So he's going across the village for a jacket? You could have used one of mine, Hinata. We're about the same size." Hinata smiled lightly down at him, not believing that the person she was looking at was the same one she met years ago.

"I t-think he also needs t-time to c-clear his head." She watched as a wave of guilt flashed across Shikamaru's face as he looked back towards the window.

Hinata understood the feeling of guilt all too well, and knew that Shikamaru felt like he was making Neji feel obligated to stay here with him. But she kept her mouth shut for the time being, not sure if talking to Shikamaru about Neji would make him take an unexpected or drastic turn for the worse.

_I've only been here for a day and even then, he's been unconscious for the majority of today. He wouldn't open up about anything to me if it's taken Neji about 2 months to get this far._

So they stayed in silence; Shikamaru lying down underneath his thick blanket, staring out of the window at the night sky. Hinata watched him as he looked out the window, completely blown away by the transformation of the man that lay on the bed near her.

She directed her pale eyes down to her fiddling fingers on her lap, thinking. All she really knew at this point is that Shikamaru had a mental breakdown and is currently resting on rock bottom. As she looked at Shikamaru's thin arms from the corner of her eye, her eyes drifted over the numerous scars and new wounds of self-injury. She had a general idea of what self-injury does for the person and what starts the cycle, but since she's never experienced it herself nor did she know Shikamaru's story, it was difficult for her to try to calculate why Shikamaru started this behavior and what pushes him to continue doing so. Her eyes saddened when she stared at the very deep wounds on Shikamaru's left forearm.

Against her better judgment, she gently laid her hand on Shikamaru's right forearm, not wanting to frighten him but also wanting to comfort him. Hinata felt him tense beneath her fingers, making her regret her comforting gesture. But she stayed firm, not removing her hand from Shikamaru's arm until he made it clear that he didn't want her touching him.

_**Hello, Child.**_

_Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to find you, but it seemed like you took a vacation!_

_**We both know I can't leave you.**_

_I was being sarcastic._

_**I was giving you much needed time and space. My absence seems to be helping you.**_

_How so?_

_**For one, you're allowing the Girl to touch your arm.**_

Shikamaru blinked and directed his eyes towards his right arm where Hinata's delicate hand laid on his scarred forearm. He looked back up through the window.

_**I believe that you allow the Girl to touch your arm because deep in your heart, you believe the same thing I do.**_

_What's that?_

_**The Girl is harmless.**_

Shikamaru paused.

_Hinata is probably the most harmless person I know._

_**I am glad we agree on that, but there is another thing about the Girl that I have noticed.**_

_What's that?_

_**If you think about it carefully, the Girl is remarkably similar to someone very close to you.**_

Shikamaru blinked and redirected his eyes up to Hinata, who was looking away from him. He glanced back down to her hand on his arm and then followed her gaze to the locket on the wall.

His heart stopped.

_Mother?_

_**Very good, Child. From what I have seen of the Girl, she does seem remarkably similar to your mother.**_

_She has a kind and pure heart._

_**Just like your mother before she died; she is also quite soft-spoken and intelligent.**_

There was a moment of silence.

_**You can trust her, Child.**_

_**Wh—**_

_**She is similar to the Boy.**_

_You're just saying that because they're relatives._

_**No, she is completely harmless.**_

_That doesn't mean I can trust her._

_**You think she will run to another person and tell them all that she has learned of you?**_

_Not really, but it's possible._

_**The Boy has not done that.**_

Silence.

_**Women are a bit different from men, Child.**_

_No way, Alecto. You're so smart._

_**Hush up, Smartass.**_

_It's obvious that men and women are different._

_**Let me finish, Child.**_

_Fine._

_**If you allow the Girl into your life, maybe she can tell you the reasoning behind your mother's death.**_

_Don't joke around with something like that, Alecto._

_**I am not doing that, Child. I am being quite serious. Women understand how their fellow women think.**_

_**So you think that because Hinata's a woman, then she can probably understand why my mother made the decision that she did?**_

Shikamaru felt Alecto's presence fade from his mind and his body relax under Hinata's hand, making him blink as he heard the front door open and close quietly. He heard Neji walk down the hallway and turned to look at the door as Neji pushed it open, Hinata's jacket on his arm. Neji smiled lightly at Hinata and Shikamaru as he walked towards them, handing Hinata her jacket, which she took gratefully.

"How are you feeling?" Neji asked.

"Throat's numb." Shikamaru said, blinking his large dull brown eyes up at him. Neji looked over at Hinata.

"It's n-normal." Hinata reassured him. Neji glanced down at Shikamaru and was shocked to see Hinata's hand resting lightly on his right forearm.

_Shikamaru doesn't seem to mind the physical contact, but why? He's usually sensitive about his personal space. Even though it has been about 2 months since anyone but myself was near him…but still._

He wasn't going to question, yet, Hinata's bold move to physically comfort Shikamaru and the Nara's seemingly comfortable reaction to her gesture.

_I wonder what Alecto thinks of Hinata._

**NejiXShikamaru**

They both sat in relatively comfortable silence back in the living room, both Hyuugas lost in their own thoughts. Neji and Hinata had left Shikamaru alone after he fell asleep again, due to the medicine and were now thinking about what they both need to do from their current position.

"I-is that the t-thinnest he's been?" Hinata asked quietly, breaking the silence. Neji nodded and glanced over at her from his tea mug.

"Yes, even though Shikamaru has always been thin, it's now reached a very unhealthy stage." Hinata noted the evident worry in her cousin's voice.

"J-judging by how his c-clothes were hanging on h-him," Hinata replied. "He's just skin and b-bones now…I-I'm assuming h-his other bones a-are prominent?" Neji nodded.

"His ribs are starting to show through and his stomach is caving in." Neji said miserably, staring down into his tea mug. Hinata has never heard such misery in her strong cousin's voice or the defeated appearance he now showed. Her eyes softened.

"We'll g-get him to e-eat somehow." Hinata said, trying to sound reassuring.

Neji bit his lower lip gently, his mind occupied with a thought that has been making itself known for the past few weeks. Hinata sensed that Neji was going to speak, but didn't know how to phrase what he wanted to say. She waited patiently, knowing that he needed to start the conversation.

"People…people die from malnutrition…right?" Neji asked quietly, still staring into his tea mug, not wanting Hinata to see his eyes and read every emotion he was trying to hide.

It was Hinata's turn to bite her lower lip, starting to feel overwhelmed by the strong emotions that Neji tried to keep out of his voice and demeanor. What should she say? People can, in fact, die from malnutrition; but she couldn't bring herself to tell him that. But at the same time, it sounded like Neji already knew the truth. What's the point in beating around the bush about it?

"Y-y-yes…people have been known to p-pass away from malnutrition." Hinata stuttered quietly, seeing Neji's grip tighten on his tea mug.

She began to feel an intense pressure built behind her eyes, knowing that tears were trying to flow from their hiding place. Never in her life has she ever seen Neji in such a defeated, weary, and worried state. She never thought that Neji actually had the capability to be those things. The cousin who presented himself as stoic, cold, and distant was now showing a side of himself that Hinata didn't think existed in him.

She felt her eyes grow wet as her tears started to well in her eyes. But Hinata pushed them back and took steady breaths, knowing that there was much more to come and she couldn't get this emotional right now. Feeling her womanly instincts kick in, she slowly stood and carefully walked over and sat next to Neji. He didn't seem to mind her sitting close to him, so she cautiously placed a hand on his back, rubbing slowly up and down; despite feeling him tense slightly at the contact. She saw Neji's shoulders slouch slightly more as he continued to stare into his tea mug with his elbows on his knees, allowing the tension to leave his weary body.

"Shikamaru will get better." Hinata said firmly, forcing her stutter away from her voice. Neji was surprised to hear the firmness in his usually timid cousin, and looked over his shoulder slightly.

"I know it would take a long time," Neji started. "But I didn't think it would get this bad. And even if—"

"When." Hinata interrupted, surprising Neji again. "When Shikamaru gets better, not if." She continued to rub his back gently. Neji released a small chuckle at the firmness in her voice; he looked back down at his tea mug.

"Even when he gets better," Neji corrected himself. "I highly doubt he'll be the same."

"Me too; people always change after any kind of drastic and traumatic change in their lives, especially a mental breakdown." Hinata continued to rub slow, gentle circles on Neji's back comfortingly.

_Her stutter isn't present in her voice…Hinata hasn't stuttered that much since she's been here, even for a short period of time._

"But it's been 2 months, almost 3 now, and he's been getting worse." Neji said thickly, feeling his throat becoming tight.

"People often have to get worse before they can get better." Hinata said softly, leaning forward slightly to see more of Neji's face. She honestly had no idea where her sudden surge of determination came from, but she hoped that it wouldn't fade any time soon.

Neji remained silent, thinking about Hinata's words. She was much more knowledgeable than he and other people gave her credit for. Granted, he's been very surprised by her actions and words since she's been in Shikamaru's apartment this morning. He certainly didn't expect to hear any form of firmness or determination in her voice and he was thrown off by the fact that Hinata was actually comforting him…and surprised at himself for allowing it, and allowing himself to show vulnerability so openly.

"I'll get you some more tea." Hinata said as she stood, taking Neji's tea mug from his hands, not actually giving him an option on whether he wanted more tea or not. He smiled lightly at her attitude as she walked towards the kitchen.

**NejiXShikamaru**

A strong floral scent invaded his nose, making him open his eyes slowly. A brown tea mug sat steaming on his nightstand, obviously freshly made. Shikamaru's ears were pricked by a small sound coming from his left and when he pulled his blanket down slightly so he could see what the source of the sound was, he saw Hinata lightly brush a finger over his mother's locket as she placed her tea mug on his desk.

Shikamaru watched her quietly, thinking about his mother in the process. He started to see what Alecto was saying about Hinata and his mother being similar; he didn't understand why he didn't see it sooner. He could barely see her curious expression as the sun reflected lightly off of the locket.

"_The girl is harmless."_

Even though Hinata has been with him and Neji for only a week, it was becoming even clearer that she had no intentions to bring him harm…like usual.

"It was my mother's." He said softly as he sat up, making Hinata jump and turn sharply towards him. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing lightly as he felt the jaggedness and the drastically different layers.

"O-oh, i-it's quite b-b-beautiful." She blushed. "S-s-sorry, I d-didn't mean t-to wake y-you." Shikamaru picked up the steaming tea mug as he sat cross-legged on his bed.

"You didn't." He said shortly, taking a small sip.

"H-h-how is y-your throat?"

"Much better." He hesitated. "Thank you." Hinata almost missed his last statement as he said it into his tea mug, but chose to not say anything in response; figuring it was better that way.

Comfortable silence fell between them as Hinata continued to analyze the locket and Shikamaru continued to slowly sip the tea that Hinata had made him. He stared down at the light blue liquid that looked back up at him, eyeing his reflection glumly.

His dull doe eyes wandered around his shortened hair, seeing that the longest part of his hair brushed just below his prominent cheekbones as parts of it continued to fall into his eyes. He laid a hand on top of his head, feeling that some of his hair was only about an inch long; while the rest of it now hung in drastically different and jagged lengths.

Hinata was eyeing him carefully from the corner of her eye, feeling her heart clench as she saw Shikamaru cringe lightly at the condition his hair was now in. She never considered Shikamaru a vain person, same with everyone else, so she didn't know if he secretly was or if there was a deeper impact his mutilated hair was having on him.

_Shikamaru isn't vain...that characteristic just doesn't suit him, so there has to be a deeper impact that his hair is having on him. I can obviously see why he would be self-conscious of his arms, and possibly why he's self-conscious about the current state of his hair…it just feels like there's a deeper meaning behind why he's—_

"Hinata," Shikamaru said, breaking her thoughts. She gasped quietly, surprised.

"Y-y-yes, Shikamaru?" The Nara placed the brown tea mug on his nightstand.

"Where's Neji?" She pushed the smile that was creeping onto her face away as she looked innocently at Shikamaru. She was certain that he would ask her that question.

_Their bond is certainly a unique one._

"H-he's just up o-on the roof f-for some f-fresh air." She said, smiling gently at him. Shikamaru's dull eyes fell to his lap as he fiddled with his bony fingers.

"Are there pictures on the inside?" Hinata asked, making Shikamaru look back up at her.

"What?" She pointed at the silver locket hanging on the wall.

"Did your mother keep pictures in it?" Shikamaru hesitated slightly and Hinata momentarily regretted her question.

"Yeah, she kept my baby picture and a picture of my biological father in it." He paused. "She never took it off." Hinata wasn't sure if she should say anything. Shikamaru stared down at his lap as he fiddled with his fingers, biting his bottom lip. He blinked slowly.

"She died about 4 years ago." Hinata's heart plummeted as she turned fully to face him.

She stared as Shikamaru fiddled with his fingers and breathe steadily. She knew that Shikamaru was having an intense emotional war right now. Quietly, she made her way over to Shikamaru and carefully sat next to his knees.

"I've never understood why she left. I still don't." Shikamaru said quietly as Alecto's words came back to his mind. Hinata bit her lip gently, silently hoping that Shikamaru would open up a little bit about his mother so that he can deal with all the emotional intensity. She chose her words carefully.

"One of the primary reasons behind…that kind of decision," Hinata started, "is repressed and/or unresolved emotions that become so intense to the point that they're unbearable." Shikamaru stopped fiddling with his fingers.

"But she seemed fine." He said quietly.

"That's f-fairly normal," She paused. "Plus she w-was a parent." Shikamaru looked up at her.

"Meaning?"

"It's n-normal for parents to hide c-certain emotions from their children. Parents don't want their children to know they're depressed o-or s-something along t-that line." Shikamaru blinked slowly, processing what she was saying. Hinata felt her heart beat faster as she realized that Shikamaru was truly thinking about what she was saying; he was considering whether or not her words are true.

"Y-your mother was most likely dealing w-with intense pain that she didn't show you b-because that's usually how parents are. F-F-Fathers usually hide certain emotions by appearing to be c-collected and possibly stoic. Mothers usually hide c-certain emotions by appearing to be happy and as upbeat as t-they can possibly be." She paused to let her words sink in, hoping that they'll have an impact on Shikamaru. His dull eyes briefly darted to the locket behind her.

"She didn't want me to know she was hurting?" He whispered, his eyes becoming slightly glassy.

"Right, and I k-know that I d-don't know w-w-what you've e-experienced in the p-past, but I'm sure that s-something was happening t-that would p-push her to make t-that decision." Shikamaru locked eyes with her and she felt fear grip her body at the intense look in his dull, glassy eyes.

Had she said the wrong thing?

"F-F-For some w-women," Hinata continued hurriedly, praying that Shikamaru wasn't angry for what she just said. "Some times w-women blame t-themselves for t-things that are out o-of their c-control. For s-some women…t-that's just h-how they are. I d-do that a lot." Shikamaru continued to stare at her, but the intensity in his eyes has dimmed slightly.

"You blame yourself for things that you have no control over?" Hinata nodded.

"Yes, a-and I'm n-not the o-only person who d-does." She paused. "Like I s-said, a lot of w-women do so a-as well. M-men do as well, b-but women do it m-more o-often." Shikamaru broke eye contact with her and stared back down at his lap, thinking.

So his mother was in pain and he never saw it. All those hours they spent together and he never saw a sign of sadness flash across her face. He released a small chuckle, surprising Hinata.

"Guess I'm a lot like her then, huh?" He asked, looking back up at her with more tears in his eyes. She noticed that his voice shook very slightly as he tried to keep control of himself.

"I have spent 13 years— " He choked as visions of the past began flashing in front of his eyes. Shikamaru bit the inside of his cheek to push back the tears and emotions that threatened to come out. Hinata bit on her lower lip gently as she watched Shikamaru struggle with himself. He sniffed as he looked back down at his lap.

"I have s-spent 13 years of my l-life in the c-constant cycle of a-a-abuse and m-multiple years in self-destruction." Shikamaru choked out, not bothering to wipe away the tears that now occupied his hollowed face.

Hinata felt her eyes being pricked by the tears that wanted to come out, but she pushed them back, knowing that she needed to be strong for Shikamaru. She was taken aback when she heard Shikamaru release a low growl.

"It's all his fault." Hinata didn't know who he was talking about, but she figured it was best to not interrupt. "If he never entered my mother's life, she would still be alive and I wouldn't have become this way. It's his fault. It's all his fault!" He gripped his shortened hair in his hands, feeling some strands of hair pulling away from his scalp.

Hinata shifted to sit right next to Shikamaru and placed a hand on his back carefully, not sure how he would react as she felt the boniness of his figure. He allowed smalls sobs to escape him as Hinata rubbed his back as comfortingly as she could, not knowing what else to do.

The only sound in the room was Shikamaru's sobs, which were steadily becoming stronger as time passed. Shikamaru felt as though he was being crushed under the crippling and brutalizing amount of pain that he's carried with him for years; never allowing any of it to be released. He's always done his best to push back all this hurt so that he wouldn't have to feel it, but he now knew that he has to feel the things that he's suppressed for years.

"Even though," Shikamaru started, his voice thick from crying. He breathed deeply and sniffed.

"Even though I did my best to hide what was happening to me away from everyone, I…" He sniffed again and looked up at Hinata, wiping the tears from his face. "I always had this hope that someone would save me." Hinata felt her chest clench and her eyes become glassy.

"I didn't want anyone to know what the stepfather was doing to me, but in the back of my mind, there was this small hope that someone would see beyond my defenses and save me." Hinata noticed that Shikamaru had said 'the' instead of 'my' when he mentioned his stepfather, but chose to not say anything about it.

"I'm full of contradictions in a way," Shikamaru said, looking away from Hinata.

"How so?" Hinata did her best to keep her voice steady.

"I'm lazy, but I'm considered a 'genius'. I hid my abuse, but had a small hope that someone would notice and save me from the stepfather." Shikamaru let out a soft dry laugh. "I'm not necessarily a 'genius' by nature so I'm not sure if that actually counts." Hinata was taken aback.

"W-what do you mean?"

"I learned from a very young age to think in different and creative ways. The stepfather was…creative in his treatment towards me, so if I wanted to survive, I had to think on his level: quickly, analytically, efficiently, and in the long-run." He paused. "I think the way I do because that's how I've always had to think…the stepfather made me think the way I do. I think the way I do because it's what I had to do in order to survive. That's why I don't really consider myself a 'genius'...I wasn't born with my way of thinking…it's just been engrained in me over the years."

Hinata sat in stunned silence.

_So according to him, he wasn't born a genius…he just grew up thinking like one because he had to think like a genius in order to survive. I've never…heard anything like that before._

"But," Shikamaru continued, interrupting Hinata's train of thought. "I eventually gave up on that small hope that someone would save me from the stepfather." He paused. "I've always been angry and jealous at you and everyone else." Shikamaru admitted, looking up at her.

"W-w-why?"

"None of you were being treated the way I was." Shikamaru said bluntly. "I would rather be hated by every single person in this village, than to go through what I did with the stepfather. I would rather be homeless and have no material items than to go through what I did with the stepfather." He looked away from Hinata again, leaving her feeling strangely winded by his honesty.

"I suffered in silence for 13 years right in front of everyone and no one noticed." Shikamaru turned towards her again, his dull eyes glassy but with a strong feeling of anger and frustration behind them; chunks of short jagged hair fell in front of his eyes.

"But," He continued. "A couple years ago, I stopped caring about virtually everything in a sense. Self-destruction became more intense and death sounded like a vacation." He said the last statement without blinking, seeming to be staring straight through Hinata.

"I guess my mother saw death as a vacation." Shikamaru said, turning away from her to look through the window. Hinata had a feeling that he was done talking, so she sat still for a couple of minutes before standing, grabbing his tea mug from the night stand and hers on his desk, and leaving Shikamaru alone with his thoughts.

**NejiXShikamaru**

**Alright Gang,**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	17. Story Behind Denial

**Dearest Readers,**

"**Just because you can get into a girl's pants doesn't mean you should wear them."**

***Hinata is really smart in this chapter, but she's also a bit OOC at some parts but I think it's in an awesome way. Neji is also a little bit more OOC in this chapter.**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Story Behind Denial**

She did her best to sit still on the couch, but failed miserably. She cleaned the kitchen until it was practically spotless and cleaned the living room as well. She smiled when she looked at the pictures of Shikamaru with his mother and became intrigued when she noticed the piano near the wall. She even chuckled when she read some of the titles of Shikamaru's books, not surprised that some of them involved strategy and puzzles. She decided to not touch the books in case Shikamaru had a certain system that he organized them. So she paced in the kitchen, wringing her hands until they were red.

Hinata was scared.

No.

Terrified.

She leaned against the counter with her hands on either side of the sink, looking throw the window. Hinata tapped her fingers nervously as she bit her lip, tempted to go up to the roof to talk to Neji about what Shikamaru just said.

_What are the chances…?_

Hinata pushed herself away from the counter and peered around the corner at Neji as he closed the door behind him and pushed his shoes against the wall. She noticed that he looked much more at peace than he did when he left to sit on the roof earlier that morning. He looked up at her and worry instantly cloaked his face when he saw Hinata wringing her hands raw.

"What happened?" He asked, tucking a chunk of dark brown hair behind his ear. Neji walked towards her as he pulled out the hair-tie out of his hair.

Hinata turned away from him and leaned her back against the counter as Neji stood in front of her, worry etched in his every facial feature. It unnerved her in a way to see Neji show so much emotion.

"N-nothing p-particularly happened," She started. "But S-S-Shikamaru did say something t-that…um…that's w-worrisome." Neji raised an eyebrow slightly.

"What did he say?" He asked as he bundled his long brown hair near the base of his neck, tying it in a loose bun as parts fell into his cream-colored eyes.

_Shikamaru actually talked to her?_

"H-he was t-talking about his mother and—"

"What?" Neji interrupted, surprised.

"I-I was a bit s-surprised as well." Hinata admitted. "But he said that d-d-death…sounded like a v-vacation." Neji felt his body freeze.

_He's not…Shikamaru's not thinking of…leaving…is he?_

"He said t-that his m-mother p-probably t-thought the same t-thing." Neji willed his legs to move him towards the counter and when he reached it, he leaned his back against it, thinking about what Hinata just said.

_If Shikamaru's saying that death sounds like a vacation…then he's probably thinking of…following in his mother's footsteps._

His mind flashed back to the past 2 months and he realized that it made sense. Considering Shikamaru's background and his behavior in the past couple months, Neji knew that he and Hinata would have to keep an even closer eye on him.

_Shikamaru has never said it –that I'm aware of- but it's possible that he attempted suicide in the past but has never talked about it._

"What uh…what else did he say?" Neji asked shakily, leaning heavier on the counter as he looked down at the floor. Hinata remained quiet for a few moments as she looked at her cousin, parts of his hair hiding his face.

"He…he m-mentioned a…hope…that he used to h-have." Neji turned his head towards her slightly, hair still hiding his face.

"What was this hope? Was he still with his stepfather?" Hinata nodded.

"Y-yes, b-b-but he said t-that that hope e-eventually…died." Neji was now facing her, cream-colored eyes overflowing with worry and concern.

"What was this hope?" Neji repeated. Hinata locked eyes with her cousin, knowing that Shikamaru's past hope would most likely crush Neji. She hesitated.

"Um…uh…he…w-w-w-well, h-he uh…uh…"

"Hinata," Neji interjected, silencing her. She breathed deeply, doing her best to calm her nerves.

"S-Shikamaru had a hope t-that someone w-would…uh…"

"Would what?" Neji pressed. Hinata hesitated momentarily.

"Save him."

The silence that fell around them was suffocating and brutalizing, threatening to cripple Neji slowly. He looked back down at the floor, shock and guilt gripping his body mercilessly. He knew exactly what Hinata had meant by her statement:

Even though Shikamaru hid his abuse, he still hoped that someone would save him.

Neji sighed quietly, doing his best to push back his overwhelming feeling of guilt. He remembered this vast feeling of guilt when he first found out about Shikamaru's abuse, but now that he knew that Shikamaru had a hope that someone would save him from the abuse, the guilt was crushing.

_Shikamaru hid his 13 years of abuse, while clinging to the hope that someone would save him. I'm sure there were signs that he was being mistreated, so why didn't I see them…why didn't anyone see them?_

Uncharacteristically, he felt his eyes sting as his emotions and tears tried to escape him, but he did his best to push them back, clenching his eyes shut as his grip on the counter tightened. He felt the crippling amount of guilt choke him, as though trying to kill him as his punishment for allowing Shikamaru to suffer. Slowly, his guilt was gaining a new best friend:

Self-loathing.

He wanted to make himself suffer as much as Shikamaru had for the majority of his life; though he knew that Shikamaru still continues to suffer to the present day. He needed to make himself pay for his carelessness in not seeing past Shikamaru's defenses. He needed to make himself miserable for not saving Shikamaru from his stepfather. He wanted to make himself feel as much pain as Shikamaru does.

He wanted to trade places with Shikamaru; wanted to take his pain away and make himself suffer instead.

Neji has always been called genius, but how can a supposed genius not see the signs of abuse when they were right in front of him? How can a supposed genius be so careless and unobservant?

He gritted his teeth angrily and grabbed the coffee pot that was behind him and threw it powerfully at the wall opposite him. Hinata jumped, terrified, at the unexpected action of her cousin. She looked towards the wall where the coffee pot laid broken on the floor and at the small cracks it left behind in the wall.

Hinata redirected her eyes back at Neji, who was breathing deeply as he hunched his body slightly. She knew that Neji was extremely angry at himself for the entire situation with Shikamaru, but she didn't know how to make him see that it wasn't his fault that Shikamaru was treated the way he was and that he didn't see the signs that Shikamaru was suffering. Hinata had no idea what to do at that moment because she has never seen Neji express so much anger. So she did the thing that she thought would be best and what usually seems to work:

She quietly left the kitchen to give Neji space.

**NejiXShikamaru**

Shikamaru's dull doe eyes shot open as he heard the sound of breaking glass, possibly coming from the kitchen. He stared at the usual spot on the wall, wondering what had broken and how it broke. He knew that Hinata might have dropped something, but he also knew that Hinata wasn't really a clumsy person. He also knew that Neji sure wasn't a clumsy person, but he too might have dropped something.

_Damn it._

Curiosity getting the better of him, Shikamaru slowly pushed himself into a sitting position and carefully stood, swaying slightly. He felt exhausted, even though all he really does now is sleep with some crying in between naps. He ran a hand through his short, messy hair, sighing as he felt the jaggedness of the drastically different layers.

Shikamaru shuffled to the door and down the hallway, surprised to hear no sound coming from anywhere in the apartment. The silence in the apartment felt bizarre to him; it felt like it had some strange vibe to it. When he walked into the living room, he found that Hinata was lounging on the couch with a book on her lap, even though he knew she wasn't really reading it because her eyes weren't moving. She looked up when she heard him walking in, her eyes widening slightly as she did her best to suppress a smile that tried to spread across her face:

Shikamaru was out of bed, which is something he hasn't done in quite some time. He has been out of bed in a sense, but he was only walking around for a very short period of time.

"Hi Shikamaru," She greeted kindly, smiling lightly at him.

"What happened?" He asked dully, his voice sounding weak and weary.

"W-what do you mean?"

"Something broke." Hinata's face fell a bit, not sure if she should tell him about Neji's burst of anger.

"Oh…that…" She said, hoping that Shikamaru wouldn't push her for information.

They heard the quiet clinking of glass coming from the kitchen, Hinata knowing that Neji was picking up the pieces of glass from the broken coffee pot. She sat up slightly when Shikamaru started to shuffle towards the kitchen to investigate the sound of glass, frowning when she saw the prominence of Shikamaru's lower spine and even his pelvis.

Shikamaru peered into the kitchen, a bit surprised to see Neji sitting cross-legged on the floor, picking up pieces of glass off the floor. Neji didn't seem to realize he was there near him, seeming to be too lost in his own thoughts to notice his surroundings.

"What happened?" Shikamaru asked, seeing Neji jump slightly. Neji turned to look up at him, surprised to see him standing before him.

_He's out of bed…that's a good sign._

"Don't worry about it." He said, turning back to his task. He didn't want to tell Shikamaru that he got so angry at himself that he threw his coffee pot at the wall; mainly because he had a feeling that Shikamaru would find a way to blame himself.

"You'll hurt yourself if you're not careful with that." Shikamaru pointed out, nodding towards the glass as he took a couple steps towards Neji.

"Don't get too close, I don't want you stepping on any glass." Neji warned, looking up at him.

It was in that moment that Neji saw the true extent of Shikamaru's physical condition. Granted, Shikamaru's strange cough went away a bit quicker than Hinata predicted, but that was no longer on his busy mind. He felt his heart sink as he noticed Shikamaru's tank top was barely able to outline his shrinking figure; his loose black pants were also barely able to outline his twig-like legs. Neji's eyes wondered to Shikamaru's chest, seeing that his collarbone and sternum was much too prominent and that his arms were becoming more like twigs with each passing day. Slowly, he directed his eyes down to Shikamaru midriff, noticing that his tank top was slightly raised. His heart seemed to stop as he saw Shikamaru's hip bones jut out to the point that they looked as though they were trying to escape his skin; kind of looking as though they were sharp. Neji knew that Shikamaru's stomach was caved in drastically if his hips were that prominent.

"What?" Shikamaru's question broke through Neji's overwhelmed brain, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"What?"

"You're staring."

"Sorry." Neji mumbled, turning back to picking up the glass on the floor.

"Why?"

"Why what?" Neji asked, knowing full well what Shikamaru was talking about.

"Why were you staring at me?" Neji remained quiet, not daring to tell Shikamaru his worries about his physical condition. He didn't know how Shikamaru would react to his observations, so he decided to stay quiet.

"Neji," Shikamaru prompted, not understanding why Neji was staying quiet. Meanwhile, he heard Hinata move from her place on the couch; walking towards them.

"Don't worry about it." Neji repeated, hiding his cringe when he heard Shikamaru sigh.

"Will you just tell me already?" Shikamaru asked, frustration seeping into his voice.

Neji bit his lip gently, knowing that Shikamaru was entering an unpredictable state. Whenever Shikamaru gets frustrated, he becomes unpredictable and Neji has always tried to not make Shikamaru even more frustrated or angry, but sometimes he didn't know how his words and actions affect him.

"Neji!" Shikamaru said loudly, making Neji look up at him as he stood, holding the glass in his hand.

"Shikamaru, you don't need to worry about anything, okay?" Neji said gently. Shikamaru's eyes narrowed.

"I'm not worried! I'm pissed!" He said louder, making Hinata touch his arm lightly.

Shikamaru spun towards her and shoved her away from him, making her crash to the floor; she let out a cry of pain as she landed on hard on her elbow. Neji took a couple steps towards him, placing the glass down on top of a table as he did so.

"Shikamaru, just calm down a little bit, okay?"

"Don't you tell me to calm down! I – AM – CALM!" Shikamaru yelled, glaring straight through Neji as he clenched his bony hands.

_He's going to do something._

Shikamaru growled deep in his throat, frustrated by the fact that Neji wasn't telling him how the coffee pot broke and why he was staring at him. He sighed deeply, wincing slightly as his chest felt a slight pinch of pain. He knew that Neji was a lot like him in the sense that he wouldn't talk if he didn't want to.

"Fine." Shikamaru said in a clipped tone, turning away from him and shuffling back to his room. Neji bent over to help Hinata off the floor, both wincing when Shikamaru slammed the door angrily.

"You did the right thing." Hinata said, brushing her pants off. Neji looked down at the floor, not sure if Hinata was right.

"He wouldn't have been able to handle the reality of his physical condition…he probably doesn't truly recognize that his current physical state is so unhealthy and dangerous."

"Recognize?" Neji asked, glancing up at her slightly.

"Shikamaru seems to be the kind of person that thinks if they don't acknowledge something, then it doesn't exist." Alecto's words instantly spoke in his mind. "He's probably not recognizing or acknowledging his current physical condition because he's having to confront many things that he's kept buried for years."

"But he's self-conscious of the scars on his arms."

"And his hair." Hinata added.

"His hair?" She nodded.

"There's probably a deeper meaning behind that one. The reasoning behind his self-consciousness of his arms is obvious."

"But how can he recognize his scars and hair, but not everything else?" Neji asked, his brow furrowing slightly.

"It's probably too overwhelming for him. Like I said, he's having to confront a lot of things. He can only handle so much at a time. So to give himself time to cope with things, he denies some things exist. Again, if he denies or refuses to recognize and acknowledge something, then it doesn't exist." Neji leaned against the wall next to them, mulling Hinata's explanation over in his mind.

_When did she learn all of this kind of stuff? She's said that she taught herself, but she sounds like she has such a powerful grasp on psychology and medicine. But…she makes sense._

"But, Shikamaru's being something that he usually isn't." Hinata continued, grabbing Neji's attention again.

"What would that be?" He asked, curiosity evident in his voice.

"I mean, he could've always been this, but it doesn't really fit his personality and I haven't really seen it until I started staying here."

"What is it?"

"Shikamaru is being manipulative." Neji quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Manipulative? How so?"

"He knows that if he gets angry, then whatever is happening will stop, which is what he wants. You wouldn't answer any of his questions he was asking, so he got angry at you. But he knows that getting angry will give him what he wants." She paused.

"But probably the biggest reason behind his manipulation," Hinata continued. "Is that if he pushes you away, you won't push back as hard, if at all."

"What do you mean?"

"If you ask him something about his past that he doesn't want to talk about, he'll push you away. He's realized by now that because he pushes you away from him, you won't push back as hard because you worry about hurting him." It clicked in his brain.

"That…makes a lot of sense." He said slowly. "It explains basically everything."

"Also, his manipulation is possibly preventing him from recovering." Neji cut his eyes up at her.

"Meaning?"

"Because he's pushing you away from certain aspects of him and his past, he's not able to let go of anything. He's most likely not acknowledging certain things as well, but I can't be sure of that."

"If he's not acknowledging certain things, then those things don't exist to him and he won't talk about them…because they don't exist to him…so he's not able to let go or do anything with the things he's denying that they exist." Hinata nodded slowly.

"Exactly, and we're talking about 13 years of abuse at the hands of someone he's supposed to be able to trust. 13 years is a very long time to gain many memories and experiences. In order for Shikamaru to get better, he has to acknowledge things that have happened over the course of 13 years." Neji sighed lightly, whistling quietly through his teeth.

"It's taken about 3 months for him to open up about his mother and vague things about his stepfather. He's expressed certain things…fears, frustrations, the like. But…he has to acknowledge everything that has happened to him over the course of 13 years?" She nodded again.

"That's usually how it works unfortunately. But it is a good sign that he opened up to me about his mother in a way. He said that he doesn't understand why she did what she did, so I just explained how some women think."

"At least he's opening up a little bit to you." Neji said. "That's good."

"But he doesn't talk very often, so it's possible that he's pushing memories and emotions back into his mind because he doesn't want to acknowledge them."

"He doesn't want to believe those things exist." Neji cut in.

"Right, once he's able to deny something, it doesn't exist to him. It's a bit different from regular denial that the average person experiences." Neji raised an eyebrow at her.

"How are they different exactly? There are different kinds of denial?" Hinata tilted her head from side-to-side.

"Not exactly different kinds, but more of different…processing, I guess is the right word."

"I don't follow." Neji admitted bashfully.

"The denial that you and I experience is processed different than the way Shikamaru processes denial. When we deny something, we still think about the source of our denial…but we just refuse it happened. However, with Shikamaru, he pushes memories and emotions to the back of his mind to the point that he no longer thinks about it."

"So Shikamaru pushes away memories and emotions that he doesn't want to acknowledge, thus leading him to believe that those things don't exist, which then leads him to not thinking about those things." Neji said slowly.

"Exactly, basically we think about the source of our denial, but deny that that source happened. But Shikamaru doesn't think about the sources of his denial because he believes those things don't exist because he's pushed them away so much."

Silence fell between them, Neji feeling a bit blown away by Hinata's explanation of what Shikamaru is most likely experiencing. It makes so much sense and his mind was starting to settle down because he gained new information about what Shikamaru is most likely experiencing.

"Impressive." Neji said, causing Hinata to give him a questioning look.

"What is?"

"You." He said bluntly, making Hinata blush. "I honestly never expected you to be so knowledgeable about this kind of thing…with psychology and other medicine. Plus," He paused. "You never stuttered." Hinata laughed lightly.

"I actually don't usually stutter if I know what I'm talking about and I'm not around many people." Neji laughed lightly with her.

"What should we do from here, Doc?" Neji asked, half playfully half seriously.

"Well first off, we have to make him eat. His malnutrition is getting to the point that if his physical health doesn't improve then we'll have to send him to the hospital." Neji bit his lip gently.

"If it comes to that, we'll have to tie him up because he won't go willingly." Hinata nodded.

"Very true, and then we need to try to get Shikamaru to open up about things that he's already acknowledged."

"Get him talking about things he's already acknowledge and believe exist, then get him to bring up memories and emotions that he's buried and refuses to acknowledge, which makes him believe don't exist. Once that happens, then he'll start to believe the things that he's refused to acknowledge, thus he can start to recover." Hinata nodded.

"That's exactly right, but we need to be careful as well as forceful."

"Forceful?" Neji asked, slightly alarmed.

"He's manipulative, remember?" Hinata said, giving him a slightly pointed look. "But we also need to be careful and gentle because he's unpredictable at times and we're not exactly sure how frail his mental health is."

"Well since he's so physically frail, I'd imagine he's still very mentally fragile."

"Right, so anything can send him over the edge. Plus it is fairly obvious that he's mentally frail and unstable because he hasn't acknowledged some things, thus preventing him from recovery. That is why is seems as though he's not getting better in any way, because in a sense…he's not." Neji sighed, looking up at the ceiling as he leaned his head against the wall behind him. Silence fell between them for a few minutes.

"It's going to take a long time, isn't it?" Neji asked, looking down at her as he saw her nodding.

"I know it will take a while, but I honestly can't give a time line for his recovery. But," She paused. "It could take a few years, if not more."

"Seriously?"

"Oh yes, the acknowledging part of things will take a while—obviously- but we also have to remember his behavior and actions prior to his intervention."

"His addiction to pain and pills." Neji said softly.

"Yeah…I found new cuts on the lower part of his left leg the day before yesterday."

"And he's been stuck in self-destruction for many years. He won't be able to pull out of it for quite some time. Addiction is a very powerful force. Shikamaru may be very frail in every aspect, but his addictions push him to get it at whatever cost." Neji remained quiet for a few moments.

"Do you think he'll get sick of me?" He asked honestly, throwing Hinata off.

"What do you mean? He has said before that he won't, but we can't be too sure about that."

"Do you think he'll get tired of having me around? I've been with him for 3 months now and I won't be going anywhere until he starts showing signs of recovery, and even then…I'm not leaving." Hinata smiled widely at him, surprised and warmed by the blunt honesty in Neji's words and his openness about staying with Shikamaru no matter what.

"I highly doubt he will. You two have a very special connection." Neji raised an eyebrow at her. She continued. "I'm not blind, you know. I see the way you look at him and how comfortable he is with you." Neji looked away from her as he felt his face grow slightly warm.

"Besides," Hinata continued. "I know you'll never leave him. Granted, he won't really be the same once he recovers, but I'm positive that Shikamaru won't want you to leave him either." She hesitated. "It's obvious that he means a lot to you."

"But," Neji said, sighing lightly. "You know how our clan is." Hinata raised an eyebrow in confusion, but then it dawned on her what Neji was talking about:

Their clan condemned homosexuality.

"People can't control your heart…only the person who has your heart can do that. Shikamaru has your heart, Neji, and I'm sure you have his." Neji stared down at his cousin, processing her words.

"I haven't had any contact with anyone from our clan except you. Take that and add…my feelings for Shikamaru, and I'll be excommunicated from the clan and a so-called 'disgrace' to them." Hinata hesitated for a few moments, debating whether or not her next words were the right ones to say. But she figured that Neji was being so honest with her, then she should do the same.

"You could be right," She said honestly. "But so what?" Neji instantly knew what she meant.

"I never thought there would be a moment in my life where I would actually hear you talk like that…but here it is." Neji said, smiling at his cousin. Hinata smiled back at him.

"You're changing. Shikamaru's changing. I might as well start changing too."

**NejiXShikamaru**

**Alright Gang,**

**Like I said, I know Hinata was a bit OOC at some parts but I think it's in a cool way.**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	18. One Chip of the Armor Falls

**Dearest Readers,**

"**I told my car that it's okay for him to tell me that he's a Transformer. He remained quiet…I think he's just waiting for the right moment."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**One Chip of the Armor Falls**

The sun shined through the closed blinds and ricocheted off his mother's locket, his doe eyes remaining dull and dead despite the supposed cheerfulness the sun was said to bring. Shikamaru sat cross-legged on the center of his bed, shoulders slightly slouched forward, and his fingers mindlessly fiddling with a loose thread on his blanket.

He blinked slowly, the dull and dead appearance of his eyes never changing. Shikamaru continued to stare at his mother's locket, while a war was being fought in his head over whether or not he wanted to have anything to do with his mother. He sighed and tore his eyes away from the locket, looking down at his lap; his brown, jagged hair brushing his cheekbones and falling into his eyes.

He was still mad about Neji not telling him about the broken glass yesterday, not understanding why Neji wouldn't just come clean about it. He heard soft footsteps come down the hallway towards him and he briefly glanced at the closed door before looking back at his mother's locket.

"How are you feeling?" Neji asked softly, placing something on his nightstand. Shikamaru looked up at him and was surprised to feel his anger towards him fade away; he briefly looked at what Neji had put on the nightstand and found a steaming cup of tea.

"Fine." He replied, looking back down at his lap. He felt Neji gently sit next to him and was gripped by the sudden feeling of wanting to be held near the Hyuuga.

"I was angry at myself." Neji said quietly, making Shikamaru look up at him with slight confusion in his dull eyes.

"What?"

"Back in the kitchen…with the broken glass…I was angry at myself and, with poor judgment, I threw the coffeepot at the wall." Shikamaru was surprised to say the least. He knew that Neji was not the kind of person to express that much anger, especially since he seemed to always appear relatively passive.

"Why were you so angry at yourself? And don't tell me to not worry about it." Shikamaru added, giving Neji a slightly pointed look. Neji hesitated.

"I was angry at myself because I didn't…" He paused. "I was angry because I didn't see the signs that you were being mistreated." Shikamaru saw the brief flash of anger in his cream-colored eyes, but it was soon replaced by the look of guilt.

"I made sure that no one found out about it…it's not your fault." Shikamaru said softly, seeing that his words didn't have an impact. He bit his lip gently.

"Although," He started. "I admittedly did have a…hope…that someone would save me from him." Neji didn't say that Hinata had told him this, but that didn't make the guilt any less intense.

Silence fell between them, each one lost in their own thoughts. Shikamaru turned to look back at his mother's locket, feeling his heart clench as he remembered her. It was strange, in a sense. His heart wasn't aching before Neji had sat with him, so why now? He sighed quietly.

He felt a familiar sensation pressing against his temples.

_Hi, Alecto._

_**Hello, Child. I am very proud of you.**_

_For what?_

_**You are becoming more comfortable with the Boy.**_

_Is that why my heart feels painful?_

_**Yes, Child.**_

_But how does that work?_

He felt Alecto fade from his mind and he sighed again. He continued to look at his mother's locket; conflicting thoughts and emotions making his body feel like it was about to combust. He chuckled quietly.

"What's up?" Neji asked, surprised that Shikamaru had showed some form of positivity.

"I was just thinking…uh…about how my mother would always do something to make me laugh whenever I was sad." Neji felt his heartbeat quicken as he had a feeling that Shikamaru was going to open up to him more about his mother.

"What would she do?" Shikamaru chuckled again and shook his head lightly, a small smile on his lips.

"It sounds bizarre, but it always worked." Neji smiled lightly at Shikamaru, extremely relieved that he was showing more positive emotions. The Nara paused slightly.

"One of my favorite foods growing up was Pop-Tarts." Neji quirked an eyebrow slightly. "And just to make me happy, my mother would put a packet of pop-tarts that were still in the packet in the microwave."

"How did…?" Neji didn't quite understand where Shikamaru was going with this.

"If you put a packet of pop-tarts in the microwave while they're still in the packet, they either catch fire or explode." Shikamaru chuckled slightly louder as Neji joined him, surprised.

"So your mother made pop-tarts explode just to make you happy?" Neji asked, laughter evident in his voice. Shikamaru nodded, a slightly wider smile on his lips.

"Yeah…she was a pure-hearted woman…." His voice trailed off and his smile fell slowly, leaving him with his thoughts again. Neji eyed him carefully.

_I have to get him to talk about his mother more. He's finally starting to open up some more. Hinata said to be forceful, but careful…let's see how this works out._

"What was your mother's name?" He asked, thinking of the most basic question he could.

"Yoshino." Neji bit his lip lightly, now realizing that he would have to push much harder than he thought he would.

"And she got the majority of your name from your biological father?" Shikamaru nodded.

"Yeah, my biological father's name is Shikaku." Neji was careful with his next question.

"Do you want to meet him?" Shikamaru was silent for a few minutes and Neji thought that he wasn't going to answer.

"Someday…my mother always spoke highly of him." He paused. "She told me that they divorced because he developed a heavy drinking habit when she became pregnant with me. They agreed that it was in my best interest for them to divorce." Neji's brow furrowed slightly.

"That's understandable, but why didn't he stay around? You know…share custody of you?" Shikamaru tilted his head to the right slightly, thinking.

"That's a good question…I don't know." He turned towards Neji. "I know a few things about my biological father, but not a whole lot. That's why I'd like to meet him someday: he's a part of me and yet I don't know a lot about him."

"Do you think he's in the village?" Shikamaru glanced away from him briefly.

"I'd like to think so, but I don't know. I always wonder what he's like and how he met my mother and things like that." He smiled sadly and looked back at his mother's locket. Neji looked down at his lap.

_There is a way to find out if his biological father is in the village and whereabouts he is…but I have to go through Tsunade to find out._

"I miss her." Shikamaru said quietly. Neji almost missed what he said as he turned back towards him. Shikamaru sniffed.

"She's been gone for 4 years and yet it feels like she just left yesterday." Shikamaru said, his voice shaking as he tried to push the tears and memories back.

Neji's heart began to beat faster and he scooted closer to Shikamaru, sitting behind him slightly, and pulled him back towards him so that he was sitting comfortably in his lap. Shikamaru leaned back into Neji and laid his head against his firm chest as he felt Neji tighten his hold around his slim waist.

"She left me behind…she left me alone." Shikamaru's tears fell onto Neji's shirt, creating a small dark spot. Neji ran his hand soothingly up and down Shikamaru's left side, feeling the contour of his frame. He laid his cheek on top of Shikamaru's head, smelling the faint scent of coconut.

"A lot of people who do what your mother did don't usually show obvious signs of their plan." Neji said quietly as Shikamaru sniffed.

"She left me behind." Shikamaru cried, sobs starting to wrack his small frame.

As hard as he tried, Shikamaru couldn't stop the feelings associated with his mother from flooding out. He was gripped with the agony he felt the day he discovered his mother dead; the feeling that he had buried that same year. For the past 4 years, he's been pushing back and suppressing every thought, memory, and emotion associated with his mother. It was easier and painless that way.

"She left me behind!" He wailed, now gripping the front of Neji's shirt with his face buried is his chest. Neji tightened his grip on the shaking man on his lap, feeling himself being torn apart just by knowing that there was nothing he could do to take away Shikamaru's pain.

The only sounds that were echoing in the room were Shikamaru's sobs and occasion mantra of 'she left me behind'. Neji hadn't loosened his grip on the Nara and he continued to rock him slowly from side-to-side. They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, Neji wishing with all his might that there was a way to take away Shikamaru's pain and make it his own.

"Do you," Shikamaru started, his voice weak from crying. "Do you think that…I can…forgive her?" Neji inhaled Shikamaru's scent, secretly hoping that he didn't notice.

"That decision is ultimately up to you, but I think that you have to acknowledge and accept what's she's done, and only then can you truly start to heal from her death." Shikamaru was quiet for a few moments.

"I've already acknowledged what she's done."

"But have you accepted it?" Neji countered lightly. "I mean, have you truly accepted it?" Shikamaru was quiet again.

"I don't want to." Shikamaru mumbled.

"Why is that?" Neji pushed lightly, thinking back to what Hinata said.

"Because if I did accept…what she did…then that would mean that she actually did it." Neji was shocked, not so much by Shikamaru's statement, but by the fact that everything that Hinata had said was right.

_There's no chance in hell that Hinata's that good._

"So if you don't accept something…then it doesn't exist?" Shikamaru nodded.

"Something like that."

"Tell me more about that." Neji felt Shikamaru tense against him, making him feel like he said the wrong thing.

"Something that doesn't exist can't hurt you, right?"

"That's true, but your mother's death did happen."

"I know," Shikamaru said thickly. "but I don't want to actually accept that she…died the way she did." Neji bit his lip and rebelled against his better judgment.

"You don't want to accept that she committed suicide." Neji said it quietly and instantly felt Shikamaru tense against him.

He clenched his eyes shut when Shikamaru let out a wail. Neji held Shikamaru tighter to him, hating himself in the process as Shikamaru sobbed into his chest. Shikamaru clung to Neji's shirt in desperation as sobs bombarded his frail body; Neji felt Shikamaru fingernails poke against his skin. Neji buried his face in Shikamaru's hair as the Nara's sobs were accompanied by a series of wet coughs.

"I don't like seeing you in pain, Shikamaru. I really don't, but I think that needed to be said. I'm here with you and I'm not going anywhere." Shikamaru's hard sobs began to die down and he breathing began to even out.

_Seems like he's about to fall asleep._

"And if I could take away your pain…I would do it in a heartbeat." He said quietly as he rubbed Shikamaru's back slowly, feeling every bone.

Shikamaru felt a strange, yet strong, sense of security wrap around him. He felt himself grow tired as Neji continued to rub his back and his warm body heat surged through him. He's never felt this safe before and he didn't want to leave from this exact position. He was safe here in Neji's arms, even when there was a war wagging in his mind. But before he faded into the realm of sleep, Neji's soft voice repeated his previous words in his ear:

"_And if I could take away your pain…I would do it in a heartbeat."_

**NejiXShikamaru**

**Alright Gang,**

**I don't have much to say at the moment.**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	19. Aromatherapy

**Dearest Readers,**

"**Justin Bieber and Edward Cullen are so far in the closet they're in Narnia."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Aromatherapy**

Neji slowly turned towards Shikamaru's bedroom when he heard it open softly, finding Hinata standing in the doorway. She raised her eyebrows curiously, silently asking how Shikamaru was doing. He smiled lightly at her as Shikamaru sniffed in his sleep. He turned back towards Shikamaru, who was sitting in his lap with his arms draped around his torso with his forehead resting against the crook of his neck. Neji rested his lips against the top of Shikamaru's head as he continued to rub his back slowly; he heard the door close quietly as Hinata left them alone.

He slowly breathed in Shikamaru's slightly fruity and musky scent, feeling tension leave his mind and body. He's found that Shikamaru's scent has a very therapeutic effect on him…almost like aromatherapy. He could never get enough of Shikamaru's intoxicating scent.

Neji closed his eyes, allowing Shikamaru's scent to invade his mind and body, pushing unwelcomed feelings out of him. He carefully pulled Shikamaru closer to him, enjoying the feeling of having the frail man in his arms and against his body; he felt his body heat seep into him, warming his steady heart.

Shikamaru adjusted his position against Neji, tightening his arms around his middle as he slowly opened his dull and bleary brown eyes. He felt Neji's strong arms wrapped around his small frame, pressing him securely against his firm and strong front. He felt a slight heaviness on the top of his head, knowing that it was Neji resting his face against his hair. A small smile graced his lips.

_He does that a lot…I like it._

Neji knew that Shikamaru was awake, but chose to remain silent; not wanting to break the peaceful silence. He smiled lightly as he closed his eyes again, noticing that their breathing was synchronized.

"I wish I had more moments like this." Shikamaru said softly, closing his eyes again. Neji began to rub his back again soothingly.

"That can be arranged." Neji replied just as softly. Shikamaru hesitated for a moment.

"Really?" He asked quietly; Neji almost missing what he said.

"The only way I'll leave," Neji continued, noticing Shikamaru's look of surprise. "is if you killed me and Hinata; and I don't see that happening." Shikamaru's heart clenched tightly at Neji's words. He felt an unfamiliar sensation possess his body, and he didn't know how to process this new feeling as he laid his head back on his usual spot on Neji's shoulder.

_What's happening to me?_

_**You are losing your fight against the Boy.**_

_I don't understand._

_**You are allowing the Boy to truly know you and opening up to him. Tell me something, Child. **_

_What?_

_**Do you trust the Boy?**_

_In a sense, yes._

_**You did not hesitate, did you?**_

Shikamaru paused, thinking.

_No…I didn't._

_Do you believe the words that the Boy speaks?_

Shikamaru paused again, processing Aleto's words. He thought back to what Neji has said in the past 3 and a half months, to what he just said about not leaving, and to what he said about taking away his pain if he could.

_Yea…I believe him._

_**I too have heard the majority of the things that the Boy has spoken and I hear the honesty as clear as anything in his voice.**_

_Me too._

_**I believe that you are truly ready to acknowledge things that you do not want to believe exist. I believe that you are truly ready to feel the emotions that you have buried your entire life.**_

_I'm scared, Alecto._

_**It would have been abnormal if you were not; but the Boy is with you and as he has said…he will not leave you. He has been with you for almost 4 months now...he is staying because he cares about you.**_

The word clicked in Shikamaru's mind:

Cares.

Neji cares about him.

_C-Cares?_

_**Yes, Child. I see the way he looks at you. I can feel his emotions pulsate through you and into here. I can observe him even when you are unconscious. I believe he loves you.**_

Shikamaru's heart stopped at the word 'love'; he's never felt the confusing yet exhilarating feeling before in his life. The love that his mother showed him was different and confusing, but is love the feeling that he's been feeling for the past few months?

Was he truly in love with Neji?

_**The Boy truly cares about you and I know that you feel the same, but you have never experienced such a feeling before so it is unfamiliar and unrecognizable. You have never allowed yourself to feel love nor feel love from another person.**_

_But it's—_

_**I know it is scary, Child. But the Boy will keep you safe at all cost. He will never leave you or allow someone to hurt you because he loves you too much. He truly wants to take your pain away because he does not like to see you hurting.**_

Shikamaru clenched his eyes shut as Alecto's words sunk in, knowing that deep in his heart that he was right. He felt his eyes grow wet again, not knowing how to express the overwhelming feeling that Alecto's words were having on him.

"You really mean it, don't you?" Shikamaru asked, breaking the silence.

"Mean what?" Neji asked, confused by his question.

"You said that you won't leave me…that you'll keep me safe…you really mean it, don't you?"

"I mean every word. As long as I'm breathing, you'll be safe." He gently stroked Shikamaru's hair.

"I think believe you." Shikamaru said softly, turning to look up at Neji. He tilted his head to the left slightly, thinking back to Alecto's words.

He pulled his left arm away from Neji's midsection and placed his fingertips on Neji's cheek, his eyes searching his face. He continued to think of Alecto's words and felt them truly sink in as he brushed his fingertips down Neji's cheek, then resting them gently against the corner of Neji's lips. Shikamaru felt the unfamiliar feeling become stronger, wrapping its grip around his heart, making him feel like he was drowning as he continued to search Neji's eyes.

_What is this?_

Shikamaru moved his fingertips from Neji's lips, reached up and weaved his fingers through Neji's hair at the base of his neck, and pulled the Hyuuga towards him, capturing his lips. Neji felt his body freeze at Shikamaru's unexpected action, wondering what Shikamaru was thinking about to cause him to kiss him…not that he minded.

Neji placed his hand back on Shikamaru's lower back and wrapped his left arm tighter around Shikamaru's upper back, pulling him as close to him as possible. It was a chaste and gentle kiss. Neji allowed Shikamaru to take control in the unfamiliar territory.

Shikamaru pulled away, leaving Neji very surprised at what Shikamaru had started…again, not that he minded. He searched the Nara's face, looking for any indication that would possibly explain his sudden act of affection. Shikamaru's eyes looked up at him and Neji then noticed something different about them:

Some of the dullness had faded.

"Alecto got through to me." Shikamaru said, smiling lightly. Neji's heart skipped a beat at the sight of the small smile that he loved.

"What do you mean?" Shikamaru blinked slowly.

"He said some things that have made me see some things in a different light…like you never leaving and keeping me safe." Neji smiled gently.

"Like I said a few months ago, I never break promises with people I care deeply about."

The word 'care' lodged itself in Shikamaru's brain again. His smile grew slightly as he laid his head back on his favorite spot on Neji's shoulder, wrapping his arms around his midsection again, and closing his eyes. Neji tightened his arms around Shikamaru's frame and rested his cheek on top of Shikamaru's hair again. He ran his hand up and down Shikamaru's back slowly.

"And I'll have to die before I break a promise with someone I love."

Shikamaru's heart stopped as his eyes snapped open.

**NejiXShikamaru**

**Alright Gang,**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	20. Love in the Rose

**Dearest Readers,**

"**Chuck Norris won American Idol using Sign Language."**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Love in the Rose**

He felt a suffocating and paralyzing grip possess his body as he stared, wide-eyed, at the wall as Neji's words echoed through his brain. Had he heard Neji correctly? Did Neji say what he thought he said? Shikamaru blinked slowly, now feeling confusion grasp him. His heart came back to life and began to hammer in his chest, pulsating through his ears.

Shikamaru realized that Neji hadn't moved from his position, as he continued to cradle him on his lap with his cheek against his hair. Shikamaru took the lack of physical movement as the strong possibility of Neji's words just being a figment of his imagination. As this thought passed through his mind, he felt his heart sink.

Was he…disappointed about the possibility of Neji's words being a part of his imagination?

He needed to know, the confusion and curiosity were overwhelming. If it turned out that Neji hadn't spoken, then he'll just say that he thought he heard him say something. Slowly, Shikamaru looked up at Neji, causing the Hyuuga to lift his head from his hair. Doe eyes searched Neji's face, trying to see if Neji had spoken before asking him.

"What?" He asked cautiously, waiting for Neji's confusion to flitter across his flawless features. But he saw a gentle smile cross Neji's lips as he reached up and brushed a stray hair away from his face. Neji remained quiet, while his thoughts raced.

He had deliberately told Shikamaru that he would die before he broke a promise with someone he loved. When he uttered the words, he felt a huge pressure being lifted away from him and he knew why. He has held strong feelings for Shikamaru for months, but was too afraid to truly act on them with Shikamaru being in his current condition. He didn't want to confuse and overwhelm him more than he already was, so he kept the strong feelings to himself; even though Hinata knew about them.

It was Hinata's suggestion that he tell Shikamaru about the feelings that he has for him, or at least drop a hint of them. He didn't see her point right away, but after some explanation that blew him away…again, he understood what she was saying. Shikamaru has a major trust issue and feels terribly alone because of that issue. Hinata had told him that Shikamaru needs to know that someone at least cares deeply about him in order for the Nara to open up. That was when she told him to at least drop a hint of his love that he holds for Shikamaru.

"_It will be a major starting point if he knows that someone loves him in an intimate way because he's never experienced such a thing."_

Neji was still impressed by Hinata's knowledge of anything psychology-based, especially since she apparently taught herself. But he did feel his heart get lodged in his throat when she said 'intimate'. He truly loved Shikamaru, but wasn't sure how the Nara would react to knowing this fact.

"_You won't know until you tell him, but like I said…if you tell him, he'll begin to heal because he knows that someone loves him in an intimate way. His mother loved him, yes. But that type of love is very different compared to the type that you feel for him and that I'm fairly certain that he feels for you…he just doesn't understand yet that he's in love because he's never experienced it in an intimate way, so he's confused."_

"Neji?" Shikamaru's soft voice brought him back after he realized that he had zoned out. He looked deep into Shikamaru's doe eyes and started to see what Hinata was saying; Shikamaru's confused because he's never experienced love in an intimate way so he doesn't how to process it.

"Did you say something?" Shikamaru asked, still looking up at him. Neji began to rub his back soothingly.

"Yes, I said that I would have to die before I break a promise with someone I love." Shikamaru blinked slowly as he processed Neji's words.

_So he did say what I thought he did._

"You…you…." Shikamaru tried to ask his question, but felt his throat begin to close as he felt the unfamiliar feeling clamp his throat shut.

_What the hell?_

"I didn't want to say anything before." Neji muttered, redirecting his eyes briefly. "I just thought that it would…be in your best interest if I didn't say anything." More confusion filled Shikamaru as his dark eyes continued to search Neji's face.

"In my best interest? What do you mean by that?" Neji looked back down at him, thinking through his response carefully.

"You have a lot of things to acknowledge, process, and understand…and I didn't want to make that harder for you."

Their eyes locked.

Shikamaru continued to analyze Neji in silence, his large doe eyes looking widely up at him. Neji clearly saw confusion in their depths, but also something else he couldn't quite place. But then his heart stopped and his brow furrowed when he saw that Shikamaru's pupils began to slowly dilate.

**NejiXShikamaru**

"Child?" Shikamaru's eyes slowly opened and stared up at the light purple sky and pink clouds. His eyes shifted slightly to his right as he looked up at Alecto. "Why are you not out there with the Boy?" Alecto asked, helping Shikamaru to his feet.

"I'm sure you know why." Shikamaru replied quietly, staring down at the ground and rubbing his arms absentmindedly.

"It is a brand new thing for you, Child. It is going to feel overwhelming and quite confusing." Shikamaru glanced up at him.

"What do I do?" He was somewhat surprised at the small tone of his voice. Alecto smiled slightly.

"I cannot tell you that." Shikamaru's eyes widened.

"Why?" Alecto's smile widened by a fraction of an inch as he held out his hand.

"Come with me." Shikamaru quirked an eyebrow.

"Why?" Alecto remained quiet, still holding his hand out and with a small smile on his face. Shikamaru's eyes darted from Alecto's face to his hand, which he tentatively reached out and grabbed.

Alecto led them across the small field towards the black trees in silence, the bright white snow squishing underneath their feet. Shikamaru's brow furrowed as he noticed the different texture of the snow as they continued to walk towards the forest, but he chose to remain quiet, knowing that Alecto won't answer any of his questions until they reached their destination. He let his eyes wonder to his right, deciding that the back of Alecto's head wasn't interesting to look at anymore.

"Look." Alecto said softly, making them stop walking. Shikamaru turned back to the front and felt his confusion mount even more as he looked at what Alecto brought him to.

He knew they were in the middle of the dark forest, but he has never seen the new things that now accompanied the dark trees. Green vines had sprung from the ground and began to wind their way up the surrounding trees, each vine already holding buds of flowers ready to bloom; some of the vines' white flowers were already in bloom, releasing their light scents of lavender and jasmine. Shikamaru directed his eyes downward and saw tiny flowers had begun to sprout, small specks of white littering the forest floor. He blinked his eyes rapidly and directed his gaze back up when something bright caught his eye; light was coming through a small opening in the canopy of branches and leaves of the trees, sending a slightly dull light around him and Alecto.

"Alecto…I don't understand." Shikamaru said as Alecto starting walking again, still holding his hand.

They walked past the small white flowers on the ground and Shikamaru's doe eyes lingered on the green vines, some with white flowers, and he became aware of the sharp contrast between the black bark of the trees to the shade of jade green of the vines.

As he and Alecto walked, Shikamaru began to notice that more white flowers and green vines were appearing on the trees and ground around them. Along with these new things, he noticed that there seemed to be more light pushing its way through the canopy of tree branches and leaves. What was once a dark forest was slowly becoming brighter the closer they reached the center.

"Child," Alecto said quietly, stopping again. Shikamaru stood directly next to him, his doe eyes wide and confused as his heart thundered in his chest. He felt winded as he tightened his grip on Alecto's hand, not understanding anything that was happening in and around him.

They stood in a small clearing that was flooded with light, illuminating the small growing flowers sprouting from the ground. All the trees were wrapped with jade-green vines with the occasional blooming white flower giving of its light fragrant scent. In the center of the clearing was a large white rose that seemed to radiate in the light streaming down upon it, not having to fight its way through branches and leaves. A slightly smaller grey rose was wrapped around the stem of the large white rose, seeming to be nuzzling its pink petals against the glowing white ones.

"Alecto…" Shikamaru started, not knowing what to say. Alecto released his hand and turned to look at him fully; his crimson cat-like eyes glistening lightly in the foreign light of the forest.

"Come," Alecto said as he walked towards the white and grey roses in the center of the clearing; Shikamaru followed closely and sat down next to him in front of the couple of roses.

"Alecto…what's going on? The white flowers, the vines, the light…where did it all come from?" Alecto turned to look at him again.

"The unfamiliar sensations that you have been experiencing as of late are because of these things." He gestured to the flowers, vines, and light.

"I still don't understand."

"We are at the heart of the forest, Child. If you noticed, the closer we came to the heart of the forest, the brighter things became and the more flowers and vines there were." Shikamaru nodded in agreement.

"That is because you are allowing light into your world. These things began to bloom when you began to feel love for the Boy." Shikamaru's face flushed slightly. "The love that you hold for the Boy, while it is unfamiliar, began right here in…the heart of darkness, if you will."

"So…Neji caused all this?" Shikamaru asked tentatively, looking at the flowers around him.

"In a sense, yes, but he did not make you fall in love with him." Shikamaru cut his eyes towards Alecto and slowly turned to look at him.

"What?" Alecto smiled lightly.

"The Boy did not make you fall in love with him, Child. You fell in love with him on your own accord, and that feeling has been growing stronger, yes?" Shikamaru hesitated before nodding. "As your love for the Boy deepened, the flowers and vines have been spreading out from the heart of the forest...spreading the light that love generates to other parts of the forest. The forest is your heart, Child, understand?"

"Everything here is a symbol of me and the forest is my heart…we both know that." Shikamaru said slowly, processing what Alecto was saying.

"The love you hold for the Boy started in the center of the forest and is spreading outward to other parts. The forest will not be the only thing to change here, Child, or at least, I would imagine not."

"What do you mean by that?" Shikamaru asked quickly.

"Like you said earlier…everything here is a symbol for you. As your love for the Boy deepens…it will continue to spread and change other things."

"The snow..." Shikamaru whispered under his breath, thinking back to when they were walking towards the forest. "The snow was softer…it's…melting." Alecto nodded slightly.

"Do you know what that means?" Shikamaru made eye contact with him, his doe eyes slightly wide as things were starting to make sense.

"The snow is melting because…of what I feel for Neji is…warming everything, which is causing the snow to melt." Shikamaru said slowly.

"What is that feeling called?" Alecto pressed lightly. Shikamaru blinked.

"Love." Alecto smiled widely, which was a new sight for Shikamaru.

"Well done, Child." Shikamaru turned back towards the intertwined roses.

"What about that? What does that mean?" Alecto looked over at the roses as well.

"What color are the Boy's eyes? Or at least, what color are they close to?" Shikamaru smiled slightly.

"White."

"The Boy is the white rose…that is also why it is the bigger of the two. The white rose, the Boy, is protecting the smaller grey rose, you."

"Grey?"

"White and black mixed together, Child. You are…coming into the light, as it were." Shikamaru chuckled lightly at Alecto's choice of words. "They are intertwined because that is how you and the Boy are. Am I making sense?" Shikamaru nodded slowly, feeling his confusion ebb away slightly.

"He's broken through to you." Silence fell between at Alecto's statement. Shikamaru looked back over at the white and grey rose, admitting that he was right.

Slowly, Shikamaru felt his confusion lose its intensity as everything that Alecto was saying was making sense with what he was feeling. He stared at the large white rose and felt a smile cross his face as he thought of Neji. He felt the sense of security that only Neji can provide wrap around him, comforting and protecting him.

"Cute," Alecto said, causing Shikamaru to quirk an eyebrow at him, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"What's cute?"

"You. You are thinking about the Boy." Shikamaru chuckled lightly as his face grew warm. "You are feeling safe, yes?" Shikamaru nodded, a small smile on his face.

"What do you think that means?" Shikamaru hesitated, knowing the answer to Alecto's question.

"I…I…" He felt his throat tighten slightly as the feeling of being overwhelmed started to come back.

"You are trusting the Boy."

Silence fell between them as Shikamaru continued to stare at the white and grey rose, thinking. He knew that Alecto was right…he nearly always was. While the thought was frightening, he felt as though he can truly do what Alecto said he can. He felt a smile occupy his face once again as he felt his stomach tie itself into knots as Neji's face appeared in his mind again.

"Thinking about the Boy again." Alecto said with a laughing tone in his voice.

"Shut up." Shikamaru retorted, smiling.

"It will not be easy, Child." Alecto said seriously after a few minutes of silence. Shikamaru bit his lip gently.

"I know, but—" He stopped himself, spiking Alecto's curiosity.

"But what, Child?" Shikamaru hesitated.

"But…it'll…it'll be…worth it…right?" They locked eyes and Alecto draped an arm loosely over Shikamaru's bony shoulders.

"What do you think?" Shikamaru hesitated again.

"Yeah." Alecto smiled as silence fell between them again.

"It's beautiful." Shikamaru said quietly, speaking about the flowers and vines.

"Oh yes, very much so. And by the sounds of it…this place will become even more beautiful in time." Shikamaru laughed lightly as he stood carefully, staring at the white and grey intertwined roses again. Alecto looked up at him.

"Where are you heading off to?" Shikamaru smiled down at him, feeling a sense of determination become stronger within him.

"Neji is probably getting lonely."

**NejiXShikamaru**

Neji's heart jumped when he saw Shikamaru's eyes blink rapidly, bringing them back into focus. He noticed that Shikamaru's doe eyes held a brand new spark that has not been present in almost 4 months.

"You won't make it harder." Shikamaru said softly, causing Neji to furrow his brow in confusion.

"What?"

"You said that you didn't want to…tell me…what you did earlier because you didn't want to make things harder for me."

"Right," Neji said slowly, still hypnotized by the spark in Shikamaru's doe eyes.

"You'll make it—" He stopped himself, figuring that he'd use the correct term.

"You'll make…getting better…easier because you—" He felt his throat tightened, but pushed through it. "You…make me feel safe no matter what." He tightened his thin arms around Neji's midsection. Neji tightened his hold on the man in his lap, wrapping his arms securely around his small body.

"I'm going to keep you safe at any cost, Shikamaru...it'll just be much harder to keep you safe from yourself."

"And you…you…" He had difficulty with the one word for an unknown reason now.

"And I what?" Neji pushed lightly. Shikamaru became breathless as he stared up at Neji, completely captivated by every aspect of him. He smiled wider than normal as his brightening eyes shown up at him, now leaving Neji breathless.

"And you love me." Shikamaru said, his warm breath brushing against Neji's face lightly as his eyes continued to shine up at him. Neji felt his face grown warm slightly, but was still hypnotized by the man on his lap.

"That's right." Neji said quietly.

Shikamaru hesitated for a couple of moments before he leaned up and pressed his lips lightly against Neji's. It was a chaste kiss that lasted a few seconds before they parted, their breaths continuing to linger between them. Their eyes locked.

"I…I…" Shikamaru breathed deeply, forcing his throat open. Neji's curiosity and confusion were spiked by Shikamaru's apparent difficulty to talk.

"Shikamaru?" Shikamaru paused again, his small smile returning and stealing Neji's breath away.

"I love you too."

**NejiXShikamaru**

**Alright Gang,**

**Admittedly, I do think that this chapter was kind of sappy, but it was kind of unavoidable.**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	21. The First Entry

**Dearest Readers,**

"**Oh I'm just so depressed, I can't even threaten your life for being such a jackass…Jackass…I'll kill you." ~Sarge (from RedvsBlue)**

***I'm going to start using A LOT of songs in this story, but I'll obviously tell you what the song is before and after the chapter. **

**NOTE: DO NOT TELL ME IF I MESS UP THE LYRICS. It really pisses me off when someone does that. If you see that I made a mistake when typing the lyrics, good for you…keep it to yourself. Also, I adjusted some words in the song to kind of "make it work" with the story, but I'll definitely let you know about that at the top of the chapter.**

***Hinata is still OOC and Neji is a little bit more OOC than usual.**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**The First Entry**

He felt winded and light-headed as Shikamaru laid his head back on his shoulder, nuzzling his neck slightly. He knew he heard Shikamaru correctly and knew what a monumental moment it was for the man on his lap. Neji knew he didn't need to say anything as he rested the side of his face on top of Shikamaru's head, staring at the wall.

For the first time since he started staying with Shikamaru four months ago, Neji felt a deep-set certainty that Shikamaru was truly ready and willing to start acknowledging and processing things that he never has before in his life. At the same time, he felt an enormous pressure being lifted away from him, knowing that the pressure was the many emotions associated with Shikamaru and their situation for the past four months. But a certain question was now nagging at him:

_What the hell do I do from here?_

Now that Shikamaru seemed to be ready and willing to start recovery, what the hell was he supposed to do from here? Yes, he's done his best to make sure Shikamaru doesn't hurt himself and did his best to force food down the Nara's throat, but he had no idea what to do in terms of how to deal with Shikamaru in a mental and emotional aspect.

Yes, he's been there for Shikamaru, but the Nara wasn't at a place where he was ready and willing to start opening up to him, but now he was. He's listened to Shikamaru give the bare minimum about his mother and his path down self-destruction, but Shikamaru hasn't talked about those things in more than a few paragraphs (if that). Even with the limited amount of knowledge he has about Shikamaru's past, he's felt overwhelmed by the reality of the things that Shikamaru told him.

He remembered back to when Shikamaru had his breakdown and the things that he was told. Even then, with the small amount of information he was being given at the time, Neji felt overwhelmed. If he was feeling overwhelmed by the small amount of knowledge he knows about Shikamaru's past, how the hell was he going to handle the things that Shikamaru will (hopefully) tell him more about in the near future?

_God I hope Hinata knows._

A small smile occupied his face at his thought. He, Neji Hyuuga, was going to go to his younger cousin for advice. When the hell did that start happening? His smile grew slightly as he felt Shikamaru drift off to sleep, his thin arms losing their hold around his midsection. When he knew that Shikamaru was fully asleep by the sound of his breathing, he began to move slowly and carefully. He flinched slightly as he moved his left leg, which had decided to fall asleep, as he gently laid Shikamaru down and pulled his thick blanket up to his chin, tucking the corners in around him. Brushing his hand lightly across Shikamaru's harrowing face, he looked fondly down on him, his small smile still in place. He stood slowly and left the room, closing the door behind him quietly.

"How is he?" Hinata asked as Neji walked into the kitchen. She turned to look at him from the sink, noticing his hesitancy.

"He's…" He tried to find the right word. "He's ready." Hinata raised an eyebrow.

"Ready to get better?" Neji nodded, surprised that Hinata didn't hesitate. Hinata's smile widened. She turned to look fully at him.

"So what happened?" Neji chuckled lightly.

"I uh, I took your advice." Hinata looked questioning at him. Neji inhaled deeply. "I told him." It took Hinata a few moments to realize what he meant, but when she did, her eyes began to shine.

"How did he react? Good, obviously, but details would be nice." Neji chuckled lightly again.

"Well, he's pupils dilated." Hinata raised an eyebrow.

"Alecto?" Neji nodded.

"Most likely, Shikamaru never mentioned him though." He paused. "But when he…'came back', he uh…he…" Hinata hid her smile at Neji's hesitancy and possible embarrassment, but she had a good idea of what happened next.

"He said he loved you too." Hinata finished for him, making him look up at her. The look in his cloud-like eyes confirmed what she said and she turned back down towards the list she was writing.

"What's that?" Neji asked, now standing beside her.

"My to-do and shopping list."

"It's nice to get out of here every once in a while." Neji said, making Hinata nod.

"It's been something way overdue." Hinata laughed lightly, writing something else down on her list.

**NejiXShikamaru**

He sighed softly, drawing a thick line through the words he just wrote. He was lying in his bed on his left side, his left arm wrapped underneath his pillow to support his head as he looked down at the small notebook he was writing in.

When he woke up some time ago, he began to replay the past few hours in his head, his face growing warm as he remembered certain things. He closed his doe eyes and snuggled into his pillow slightly, forming phrases in his mind. He has been working on a poem of sorts for the past hour or so, and has found it unfamiliarly relieving to get words down on paper.

_I've heard that writing is really powerful and helpful…let's see if that's true._

Shikamaru sighed softly again as he began to continue writing, slightly aggravated by the fact that he was feeling tired again. He's heard that people in situations like his are tired a lot, but that doesn't mean that his tiredness didn't piss him off at times. He wrote down the last few words, a bit surprised as he looked down at his words.

_For not writing for roughly four months, my handwriting isn't as crappy as I thought it would be._

**NejiXShikamaru**

Neji opened the door quietly and poked his head inside the room, smiling lightly as he heard Shikamaru's steady breathing. His eyes drifted to the window above Shikamaru's bed, slightly surprised to see it halfway open. He knew that Shikamaru doesn't usually keep his bedroom window open unless the room was stuffy and hot, but he then felt that the temperature in the room was a bit cooler than what Shikamaru usually prefers. He shook his head as he stepped into the room.

_I'm thinking way too far into the damn window._

But he stopped when he heard a slight rustling of something unfamiliar.

_What the hell was that?_

He approached Shikamaru's sleeping form to see what caused the odd rustling sound. Looking over him, Neji saw that there was a small notebook that Shikamaru was writing in before he fell asleep. The page that Shikamaru was writing on rustled slightly as a breeze entered the room from the open window. Neji bit his lip, debating with himself. He could see that Shikamaru had written a bit on the page, even though the pencil that was lying on top of it blocked out many of the words. Small, neat, slanted letters looked back up at him, but he couldn't read them even with his sharp eyes. He desperately wanted to know what Shikamaru had written, but didn't want to betray his trust by reading it.

_I can't do that…no matter how much I want to know._

Neji reached over Shikamaru's sleeping form and closed the window quietly. He looked back down at Shikamaru and tucked a piece of short brown hair behind his ear, his eyes briefly glancing over at the notebook. Sticking with his decision, he left the room, closing the door behind him. Feeling curiosity and something else he couldn't place, he walked back to the kitchen slowly, thinking about all the things that Shikamaru could possibly have written about.

"Sleeping?" Hinata asked, still working on her list.

"He wrote something." She turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

"What did he write?" Neji hesitated.

"I didn't read it, but it looked like he wrote a bit."

"Writing is very therapeutic…it's good that's he's starting to do that and it's also good that you didn't read what he wrote."

"I couldn't betray his trust like that."

"Exactly, but this is also a good place to start." Now it was Neji's turn to raise an eyebrow at her.

"What do you mean?" Hinata placed her pen down and turned to look fully at him.

"He left the paper out in the open, right?" Neji nodded.

"Yeah, he started writing in this little notebook…don't know where he got it though."

"Well, if he knows that he left it out, then he also knows the possibility of either you or me seeing it…most likely you though." She added. "With that said, he can test you."

"Test me?"

"He can test your trustworthiness. If Shikamaru sees that you didn't read what he wrote even though you had the opportunity too, then he'll trust you more."

"But how will he test me?" Hinata hesitated for a few moments.

"That varies from person to person, but you'll know it when he does. It's possible that he won't really test you at all." Neji's brow furrowed.

"Meaning?"

"Well, given what's happened in the past few hours between you two," Neji felt his face heat up slightly. "Obviously something happened or Alecto said something that truly got through to him and made him see that he can fully trust you." She paused. "Plus trust is one of the most powerful things between two people who love each other and that's been established between both of you." She turned back to her list, knowing that Neji would most likely be slightly embarrassed by her last statement. Neji turned away from her and looked down at the floor, his hands buried in his front pockets.

"Mention it." Hinata said, breaking the few moments of silence. Neji looked back up at her.

"Mention what? The notebook?" She nodded.

"Yes, if you can see it, mention it. You and I both know that he won't start the conversation about whatever he wrote…you have to. Don't be forceful. If he doesn't want to talk about it, push lightly and if he still resists, back off." Neji nodded slightly as he processed his cousin's words and he turned to leave before Hinata spoke again.

"This is where the true difficulty and intensity of recovery starts, Neji." He stopped and turned back towards her, seeing that she was already looking at him.

"What do you mean?" She hesitated slightly.

"Shikamaru will start talking about things that we have absolutely no idea what it's like to experience. Examples, neither of us were abused and neither of us have had a suicide in our lives." Neji's heart sank, thinking back to what he was thinking about earlier.

"We haven't had experiences that could be equivalent to what Shikamaru has experienced, so we have nothing to really emotionally prepare ourselves for whatever it is Shikamaru will say." She paused. "We can't relate to the emotional trauma that Shikamaru has been through." She said softly. Neji sighed lightly, staring back down at the floor.

"That's why recovery is always hard for not only the person recovering, but also the people who are helping them. The people who are helping the person in recovery can't relate to the person they're trying to help." She paused again. "It'll be hard for us because we can't relate to any of the things that Shikamaru has experienced: Intense abuse, the suicide of his mother, self-destruction, the endless amount of emotional and mental trauma, and other things of that nature."

Neji sighed again, already feeling overwhelmed. He knew Hinata was right, but that didn't make anything easier. Thick silence fell between them before Neji looked back up at Hinata.

"I'll go see if he's awake."

**NejiXShikamaru**

"Thank you." Shikamaru said when Neji opened the door; Neji quirked an eyebrow at him as he walked over the bed, also looking to see if the notebook was still laying out.

"For what?"

"Closing the window; it got a little stuffy in here earlier." He noticed that Shikamaru's voice sounded weak and his eyes had lost some of their spark.

_Why though? He just took a nap and suddenly his voice is weak and his eyes are dull again._

"No problem. I didn't want you getting too cold." Shikamaru scoffed lightly as he directed his dull doe eyes up at the ceiling, his short choppy hair forming a messy halo on his pillow. Shikamaru brushed his bony hand across his eyes, not knowing why he felt like crying. But this didn't go unnoticed to Neji, who felt his heart break.

This happens from time to time: Shikamaru sometimes gets teary-eyed and tries to hide it.

Hinata explained to him that the urge to cry is normal for people in Shikamaru's situation, but that didn't take away Neji's feeling of helplessness. Neji felt his heart sank as he saw that the spark hadn't returned to his eyes. But then he felt himself become numb:

He saw the notebook lying open in the exact position he saw it the first time.

_Shit, how am I supposed to start this?_

"Neji?" Shikamaru's small voice broke through his thoughts and focused back on him.

"Yes?"

"You okay? You spaced out." Neji's thoughts began to race as he felt the unfamiliar sensation of panic.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit._

"Yeah, I'm fine Shikamaru, don't worry." Neji said, trying to sound as reassuring as he can. He saw the quizzical look on Shikamaru's face, but realized that Shikamaru was going to let his bluff slide. He stood a bit quicker than he meant too, causing Shikamaru to jump slightly at the sudden action.

"I'll be back." He said and left the room, trying to keep the quickness out of his actions.

He hurried back to the kitchen to where he knew Hinata was, his heart still hammering from the bizarre feeling of panic. She turned to look at him, confused by his frazzled appearance.

"What happened?" Neji couldn't find the words at first because even he didn't know what happened to him.

"I…I…panicked." Hinata raised both of her brows is surprise, not really thinking that Neji could panic about something.

"Panicked? Why?"

"I don't know. I saw the notebook that Shikamaru wrote in and it was in the same exact position as when I first saw it, and that was when I started to panic a little bit." Confusion crossed Hinata's face.

"Did he mention it at all?" Neji shook his head, feeling himself begin to calm down.

"No." Hinata thought for a moment before she placed her pen down and walked towards him.

"I'll be right back." She said, walking passed him and down the hallway.

**NejiXShikamaru**

"Hi," Hinata said kindly when she poked her head into the room before opening the door fully. Shikamaru was still lying in the same position when Neji left as he looked over at her, Hinata instantly forming a very possible explanation for Neji's panic:

Shikamaru's eyes.

"Hi," Shikamaru greeted in return, pieces of short brown hair falling into his eyes.

Neji told her that they had a new spark of light in them, but now she can very obviously see that that spark is gone. She also remembered him telling her months ago, during a conversation where Neji had softened up quite a bit, that it hurt him terribly to see Shikamaru in so much pain. Neji had told her that if he could take away every ounce of pain that was gripping Shikamaru, then he would do it without hesitation.

_Seeing the new spark of light in Shikamaru's eyes suddenly not there anymore most likely made Neji panic because he probably saw it as…Shikamaru being taken over by the pain that he can't take away._

That makes sense…she'll explain that to Neji later on; however, her eyes landed on the small notebook that Neji had mentioned earlier. She walked over to him and placed a puzzle book that she picked up in the hallway on his nightstand.

"I thought that you'd like to get back into these." She said, smiling lightly, which Shikamaru returned with a small chuckle.

"Thanks, I should keep my brain busy somehow." A few moments of silence passed.

"What are you working on?" Hinata asked casually, but also with a sense of caution. Shikamaru looked confused as he pushed himself into a sitting position, grabbed the puzzle book off the nightstand, and the pencil on top of his notebook.

"What do you mean?" Hinata noticed the weak tone in his small voice as she nodded towards the small notebook next to him.

Shikamaru turned to look at what she nodded at and paused, thinking. She waited patiently, knowing that Shikamaru would need a little bit of time to make his next move. After a few minutes of silence, Hinata thought that Shikamaru wouldn't answer her in any way, but then felt her heart skip a beat when she saw Shikamaru reach for the notebook and pick it up, glancing over his handwriting. Hinata eyed him carefully, looking at his choppy hair that now brushed his prominent cheekbones and fell into his eyes.

"I've heard," Shikamaru started softly after about five or six minutes of silence. "That writing is very helpful…for people who experience what I am." He stopped abruptly, causing Hinata's curiosity to spike. "I've heard that writing is very helpful for people who are recovering." He said the last part quietly, causing Hinata to almost miss his words. She sat down carefully on the bed near his knees.

"That's right, writing is very helpful for everyone, but especially for people who are in recovery." Her heart stopped when Shikamaru placed the small notebook on her leg. She watched him as he twirled his pencil between his thin fingers, looking down at the puzzle on his lap.

_He's letting me read it…._

She adjusted the notebook on her leg and looked over the small, neat, slanted handwriting that was looking back up at her. She glanced back at Shikamaru, who was still looking at his puzzle, before looking back at his handwriting.

_**See Who I Am**_

_Is it true what they say?  
Are we too blind to find a way?  
Fear of the unknown  
Clouds our hearts today._

Well that's interesting. 'Fear of the unknown clouds our hearts today.' Hinata knew that 'the unknown' was the process of recovering and the development of feelings Shikamaru has never experienced before. Things are going to start changing for Shikamaru and the results of those changes are unknown to him and the fear of those changes are also making him confused. Hinata felt her heart pound rapidly as she felt that Shikamaru's words were going to let her into his mind.__

Come into my world,  
See through my eyes.  
Try to understand,  
Don't want to lose what we have.

Hinata began to wonder why her heart hadn't exploded yet. Shikamaru was inviting her and Neji into his world. He clearly stated it: 'Come into my world.' Her eyes drifted back over the next two lines: 'See through my eyes, try to understand.' She knew for certain that Shikamaru wanted her and Neji to walk with him on the path of recovery, and also wanted them inside his mind and to see things the way that he does.__

We've been dreaming  
But who can deny?  
It's the best way of living  
Between the truth and the lies.

Her brow furrowed in confusion. She didn't really understand what Shikamaru was saying here. His word choice seemed kind of bizarre to her.__

See who I am,  
Break through the surface.  
Reach for my hand,  
Let's show them that we can  
Free our minds and find a way.  
The world is in our hands,  
This is not the end.

She now knew for certain what this poem was about: Him wanting her and Neji to come into his world and to see things the way he does. 'Break through the surface. Reach for my hand," were two lines that stuck out to her the most. To say that she was feeling a growing sense of anticipation at Shikamaru's words would be an understatement. She was feeling overwhelmed by some emotion at the realization that Shikamaru really truly wanted her and Neji into his world.__

Fear is withering the soul  
At the point of no return.  
We must be the change we wish to see.

Her heart faltered at the mention of the fear that he mentioned earlier. It was a perfectly normal fear and conflict: Shikamaru was scared of starting recovery, but wanted to let her and Neji into his world and to see things the way he does. He wanted to get better, but at the same time he didn't because of the fear. __

I'll come into your world,  
See through your eyes.  
I'll try to understand,  
Before we lose what we have.

Hinata was surprised at this. While she and Neji have been trying to get into his world, Shikamaru wants to come into their worlds and see things the way they do. It was an interesting way of thinking, but she didn't understand what he meant by 'before we lose what we have.'__

We just can't stop believing  
Because we have to try.  
We can rise above their truth and their lies.

Her brows furrowed again. She didn't understand what Shikamaru was saying here. She also noticed his use of 'we' again. Who did he mean by 'we'? Him and Neji?

_See who I am,  
Break through the surface.  
Reach for my hand,  
Let's show them that we can  
Free our minds and find a way.  
The world is in our hands.  
This is not the end._

Hinata couldn't help but let a small smile grace her face.__

I hear their silence  
Preaching my blame.  
Will our strength remain  
If their power reigns?

She was pretty certain that 'we' and 'us' meant him and Neji, but who's 'their'? Again, she didn't truly understand what Shikamaru was trying to say. She understood what the chorus of the song meant, but it was the other stanzas that confused her.__

See who I am,  
Break through the surface.  
Reach for my hand,  
And show them that we can  
Free our minds and find a way.  
The world is in our hands.  
This is not the end. [1]

Hinata felt a barrage of emotions bombard her as she gently closed the notebook and turned to look back at Shikamaru, who was about halfway through solving a puzzle. She smiled thoughtfully as his words burned into her brain.

"This is amazing, Shikamaru." She said softly, making Shikamaru stop his pencil in midair before writing.

He slowly looked up at her, his eyes hiding behind a few pieces of short dark hair. She saw the swirl of caution and analysis in his dark dull eyes as he continued to stare at her. She's never seen the amount of intensity in anyone's eyes before as she did her best to not break eye contact. Finally, Shikamaru looked back at his puzzle.

"Thank you." Hinata hesitated as she placed the notebook on his nightstand and stood slowly, looking back down at him.

"Thank you for sharing that with me, Shikamaru." He paused from his puzzle again and began to tap his pencil lightly against his puzzle book, thinking. Hinata remained quiet, wondering what Shikamaru was thinking about. He stopped tapping and turned towards the notebook on the nightstand. Slowly, he reached for it, picked it up, and held it out to her.

"He can read it too if he wants." Shikamaru said quietly, shocking Hinata. She did her best to keep the shock from her face as she carefully took the notebook from him, holding it securely between her hands.

"I-I-I'm sure N-N-Neji will thank you too for s-s-sharing this, Shikamaru." He raised an eyebrow at her stutter that has not been present in many months.

He didn't say anything as he looked back down at his puzzle, giving Hinata the signal to leave.

**NejiXShikamaru**

**Alright Gang,**

*** I took out some of the repeated choruses b/c it was just too redundant.**

**[1] "See Who I Am" ~Within Temptation**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	22. Analysis of the Entry

**Dearest Readers,**

**~ "You? You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule!"  
- "We've already got that! What else do you have?"**

****I highly suggest you go back to the very beginning of the story and re-read it. All the major editing is now finished, but I have changed quite a few things!**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Analysis of the Entry **

Hinata stood outside of Shikamaru's closed bedroom door, her pale eyes scanning over Shikamaru's neat handwriting again. Her hands shook slightly as a bizarre rush of emotions passed through her as a small smile crept onto her face. After four long months, this was the first breakthrough that Shikamaru has had. She snapped the book closed and headed towards Neji in the kitchen.

Neji was making tea for both of them when she walked into the kitchen; his back to her. She quietly drummed her fingers against the cover of Shikamaru's notebook as Neji looked over his shoulder at her, an eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"How did it go?" Hinata smiled and held up Shikamaru's notebook, waving it slightly.

Neji's eyes widened in surprise as he picked up both cups of tea and walked towards her, placing the cups on the kitchen table. They both sat in silence and Hinata slid the notebook towards him, sipping her tea quietly.

"Shikamaru said you can read it if you want." Neji flipped the notebook open and was greeted by neat handwriting.

"How did you get him to give this to you?" Neji asked, looking up at his cousin.

"Well, I gave him a puzzle book and asked him what he was working on." Hinata took a sip of her tea. "He was really hesitant at first, but then he said that he heard that writing is therapeutic; so he figured he'd give it a try." Neji raised his eyebrows briefly.

"That's it?" Hinata nodded.

"Just be casual about it and let him control it from there." Neji directed his eyes back down to Shikamaru's handwriting, not sure what to expect.

Silence fell between them again as Neji read what Shikamaru had written, his brow furrowing the more he read. For the most part, he understood what Shikamaru was saying; but then there were parts that he didn't understand. He looked up at Hinata, who was sipping her tea slowly.

"Do you understand all of this?" He asked, causing Hinata to shake her head.

"No, not really. His word choice is kind of weird in some places." She pulled the notebook towards her and pointed. "Like this part."

_We've been dreaming  
But who can deny?  
It's the best way of living  
Between the truth and the lies._

"I got stuck on that part too." Neji said as Hinata tapped her finger.

"There are parts when he uses third person…like he's talking about a group of people and not just him."

"Could he be including us in this?" Hinata tilted her head from side to side.

"Possibly, it would make sense if he was just talking about himself; but he's talking about a group of people at this part."

"Agreed, if he said 'I've been dreaming,' it would make more sense because he sees living between truth and lies to be the best way to live."

"And safest." Hinata added. "But it's also somewhat strange because Shikamaru uses the word 'deny'."

"How is that strange?"

"Remember how we talked about denial? If Shikamaru doesn't acknowledge something, then it doesn't exist?" Neji nodded. "Well, he's acknowledging this thought that he finds to be true. Shikamaru believes that living between truth and lies is the best and safest way of living."

"But why is he talking about dreaming?" Hinata sighed quietly.

"I'm not sure."

"To me, it sounds like Shikamaru is saying that he pushed away the lifestyle of living between the truth and lies, which he finds to be a dream. But then he realized that he couldn't deny that and that it really is the best way to live, in his mind."

Silence fell between them.

"That makes a lot of sense, Neji." Hinata said, swirling her tea. Neji sat up in his seat and looked back down at the notebook.

"There was another part I didn't understand." He pointed.

_We just can't stop believing  
Because we have to try.  
We can rise above their truth and their lies._

"That part got me too." Hinata said. "He's using third person again."

"It sounds like he's saying he wants to get out of the thought of living between truth and lies."

"The song progresses to breaking free from something, but it's the first two lines of that part that I really don't understand." Hinata said.

"And like you said, he's using third person again. He's not just talking about himself. Could he be including us in this?" Hinata tilted her head side to side again.

"It's possible, but since this is Shikamaru we're talking about, nothing can really be certain."

"Here's another part."

_I hear their silence  
Preaching my blame.  
Will our strength remain  
If their power reigns?_

They both sighed.

"When Shikamaru used 'we', it made some sort of sense because he could be including us in that." Hinata nodded. "But now he's using 'their'. Who's 'their'?"

"It's probably just in general, but it's the rest of it that I don't understand."

"Plus he uses 'our', which could include us in there again." Hinata nodded again as she stood and grabbed both of their tea mugs to make more tea.

"Shikamaru's word choice seems bizarre at some spots, but I bet it makes perfect sense to him."

"Most likely."

"This is a great start though." Hinata said as she filled the kettle with water. Neji nodded in agreement.

"Definitely, probably the biggest breakthrough in the four months since he's been like this." Hinata smiled lightly when Neji voiced her earlier thought.

"He's still hurting himself though." Neji said as Hinata placed their tea back on the table.

"That's expected. We have to remember how long Shikamaru has been self-destructive. It's not something that's not easy to overcome, especially without professional help. Remember, it's just us." Neji nodded. "I am curious about the excessive scratching though." She said thoughtfully into her mug as she took a sip. Neji bit his lip. He hasn't told Hinata about Shikamaru's drug problem.

"What's itchy blood?" Neji asked after a few moments of silence. Hinata quirked an eyebrow at him.

"It's basically when the inside of the body feels incredibly itchy to the point where the person feels an insatiable need to scratch." She paused and darted her eyes at her cousin. "It's commonly caused by drug withdrawal." Silence fell between them again.

"That's why Shikamaru scratches himself so much." Hinata felt a pang of anger towards Neji for not telling her this when she first got here two weeks ago.

"I know I should've said something earlier." Neji said quietly, as though reading her thoughts.

"It's fine." She said shortly. "We're making progress and that's the important part."

Silence.

"How long has the withdrawal been going on?"

"Since the breakdown."

"Cold turkey?" Neji felt a pang of guilt.

"Yeah." Hinata bit her lip, not only because of the guilt in Neji's voice, but also because it was an extremely bad thing to stop something like drug addiction all at the same time.

They left each other in their own thoughts. The only noise being the ticking clock mounted on the wall. Neji swirled his tea slightly as he stared down at it, feeling his thoughts and emotions rush through him, blurring together. His pale eyes wandered to Shikamaru's notebook that lay between him and his cousin. He tried to make sense of what he and Hinata tried to figure out, but he sighed quietly and turned back to his tea.

He stood and picked up the notebook, causing Hinata to look up at him.

"I'm sure Shikamaru will want this back." Hinata nodded and looked down at her tea as Neji walked towards Shikamaru's bedroom. She directed her eyes up at a pile of books that Shikamaru had lying at the end of the table, her eyes falling on the book at the very bottom.

"Neji!" She called after and quickly stood from the table. Neji hurried back towards her, looking around for something out of place.

"What's wrong?" Hinata shook her head and stared up at him with glowing eyes. She pointed to the stack of books she was previously staring at; Neji's eyes drifted to where she was pointing at.

"I see a pile of books."

"What do you see at the bottom?" Neji hesitated, his brow furrowing.

"A…red one." Hinata smiled.

"There is one person who knows Shikamaru better than anyone could ever hope to." Neji's eyes widened.

"Alecto?" Hinata nodded vigorously.

"Since we can't figure out certain things that Shikamaru is saying, I'm sure Alecto can help us." Neji smiled.

"Good thinking. Let's go."

**NejiXShikamaru**

**Alright Gang,**

**I know this chapter was kind of short and I apologize.**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	23. Locket and Let Go

**Dearest Readers,**

"**Justin Bieber and Edward Cullen are so far in the closet they're in Narnia."**

**I apologize for the very long update for this chapter.**

**Read on, Cherubs.**

**Over and out.**

**Locket and Let Go**

Hinata tapped the door lightly, but didn't receive an answer. She turned to Neji who was cautiously turning the doorknob and pushing the door open slowly. He peered through the gap to see if Shikamaru was asleep. Neji turned back towards Hinata and nodded. Pushing the door open further, they walked into the room quietly and towards Shikamaru's sleeping figure.

_**Child,**_

_I know._

_**You need to talk to them about what you wrote.**_

_No._

_**Why not?**_

_I don't want too._

_**You need to.**_

_No I don't._

Alecto sighed.

Shikamaru began to feel a slight pulse in his temples, knowing that Alecto was getting upset. He also had a feeling that Alecto wanted to confront Neji and Hinata himself. Shikamaru clenched his eyes as pressure became more painful and intense against his temples and skull. He shifted uncomfortably as he felt his body temperature heighten, causing a layer of sweat to break out across his skin. Shikamaru brushed hair away from his eyes as it began to stick to his sweat-coated face.

_**Child,**_

_Stop!_

_**No.**_

Neji and Hinata froze in their place as Shikamaru released a deep sigh. They looked at each other and carefully began to tip-toe back towards the door, figuring that Shikamaru was pissed and wanted to be alone. Neji's brow furrowed in confusion and turned to his cousin.

"Does it feel really hot in here to you?" He whispered and Hinata nodded vigorously.

"It does. We haven't even been in here for a minute and I'm already sweating profusely." They turned back towards Shikamaru's frail body that was now surrounded in a black aura.

They relaxed their bodies and took a few steps towards Alecto as he sat up in bed and pushed the blanket away from him. Alecto smirked and darted his crimson cat-like eyes through a curtain of black hair towards Hinata and Neji.

"So we meet again." Alecto said as he pulled the hair tie out of his black hair and allowed it to fall passed his shoulders.

"Hello Alecto," Neji said as Hinata stood awkwardly behind him, fiddling with her fingers.

"Hello Boy," Alecto returned as he pulled his hair back up into a ponytail, his dark eyes drifting to Hinata.

"There is no need to be afraid of me, Girl." He said, turning towards them fully. Hinata jumped slightly and blushed.

"S-s-s-sorry." She stammered.

"There is also no need to apologize." Alecto looked down at the notebook in Neji's hand. A small smile spread across his face. "What do you think?" Neji quirked an eyebrow.

"Think of what?" Alecto nodded towards his hand.

"What he wrote." Neji turned towards Hinata.

"You're better at this kind of stuff than I am." Hinata's blush deepened.

"Y-y-you u-understood some of i-it too."

"Not as much as you. Come on." Neji took a few more steps forward and sat on the bed; Hinata sitting awkwardly next to him and away from Alecto.

Neji handed the notebook to Alecto, who held it delicately in his hands. Alecto's dark crimson cat-like eyes stared into Neji's, catching the light of the room. Neji felt a chill run through his spine as the black 'A' on Alecto's forehead seemed to stare at him from behind black bangs.

"Would you like some insight, perhaps?" Alecto asked, making the cousins nod. He smirked. "Where did you first get stuck?" He asked as he flipped the notebook open. Neji leaned towards him and looked.

"Here," He pointed.

_We've been dreaming  
But who can deny?  
It's the best way of living  
Between the truth and the lies_

Alecto's eyes briefly widened.

"What do you think that means?" Neji glanced back at Hinata as she sat up slightly while fiddling with her fingers.

"W-w-w-well—"

"Stop." Alecto interrupted, looking up at her which caused her to shrink behind her cousin again.

"What's up?" Neji asked.

"Girl, look at me." Hinata hesitated before peering around Neji again. Alecto softened his features as much as he could. "There is no need to be frightened of me. I will not harm you." There was a brief moment of silence.

"What do you think that means?" Alecto asked again and Hinata sat up again and breathed deeply.

"Well, it could mean t-that he thinks that l-living between truth and lies was the best and s-safest place to live; but he denied that dream at first before he somehow realized that he couldn't deny that dream anymore." She paused. "In his mind, living between truth and lies was a dream that he couldn't deny." Alecto smirked.

"Very good, Girl." He sat up. "But there is one part that you have forgotten."

"Shikamaru uses third person." Neji said, making Alecto nod.

"Exactly, so what do you think about that?" They were silent.

"We don't know. It would've made sense if Shikamaru was just talking about himself, but it sounds like he's talking about a group of people."

"He is."

"But who?"

"Who do you think?" Alecto retorted, making Neji catch his sigh of frustration.

"Do you know who?" Alecto nodded.

"I do."

"He uses third person because he's talking about people in general." Hinata said from behind Neji, making Alecto nod.

"Very good again, Girl."

"So Shikamaru thinks that living between truth and lies is a dream that no one can deny? That everyone should live between truth and lies?" Neji asked. Alecto nodded.

"Yes. What is the other part you were stuck on?" Neji shook his head slightly.

"This part." He pointed again.

_We just can't stop believing  
Because we have to try.  
We can rise above their truth and their lies._

"Now it sounds like he's talking about two different groups of people." Neji said, trying to keep the frustration from him voice.

"He is." Hinata and Neji stared at Alecto, confused. Alecto blinked slowly at them.

"You're not going to tell us, are you?" Neji asked, causing Alecto to smirk slightly.

"I will help you, but I will not necessarily tell you anything directly."

"It sounds like Shikamaru is using 'we' and 'their' as two different groups of people. 'We' are the people who believe living between truth and lies isn't a dream and that it's something everyone should do. 'Their' are the people who created the truth and lies for 'we' to live between, thus creating a bizarre confusion in a sense." Neji turned back towards his cousin as she tapped her lip thoughtfully.

"You are doing well, Girl. Keep going." Alecto urged.

"Bizarre confusion?" Neji asked, Alecto secretly having the same question. Hinata tilted her head from side to side.

"In a way, I suppose. I mean, if you live between two things…which way do you lean more towards?" Hinata looked up at Neji. "He's saying that he's living between two separate things, but it's difficult to stay exactly in the middle, so he has to kind of lean either more towards the truth or the lies; but he also switches between the two…thus creating a kind of confusion."

"And it's just better to rise above all of that: the truth and lies that cause that weird confusion?" Neji said, making Hinata nod.

"I believe so." Alecto smirked.

_**I do not believe I have given this Girl enough credit.**_

"Is there something else?" He asked.

"This is the last part." Neji pointed.

_I hear their silence  
Preaching my blame.  
Will our strength remain  
If their power reigns?_

"Could 'their silence' mean that the people who create truth and lies ignore everyone else who believes those truths and lies?" Neji asked, turning to Hinata who was still tapping her lip thoughtfully.

"Possibly, but it could also include that his 'blame' is the fact that he believes the truth and lies. Shikamaru realizes that he's being ignored by the people who created the things that he's comfortable living between, but that those people are putting his hurt feelings on display." Hinata sighed at the last part. "I'm not too sure about that."

"You are very close, Girl." Alecto said, tapping his fingers against the bed. "It is about two groups of people." Hinata was silent again, Neji's eyes darting between her and Alecto, admittedly feeling left out.

"It's the clash between two different societies." Hinata said, looking up at Alecto. "A group of people who create what they want others to believe, or at least live between; and the other group of people are those who believe what's being created…but that's not necessarily a bad thing."

"It is not always a bad thing, yes."

"But when Shikamaru said 'will our strength remain,' he's referring back to when he said 'we can rise above their truth and their lies.' So he's asking if he and others like him are strong enough to rise above the truth and lies that the other group of people created; but he has to remain strong as long as those people continue to have their influence."

Alecto smirked again and tucked his feet beneath him.

"I am quite impressed with you, Girl." He said honestly, making Hinata blush. Neji patted her leg.

"She doesn't give herself enough credit."

"Agreed."

Silence fell between them.

_**Child,**_

_Hinata's really smart, isn't she?_

_**Oh yes, very much so.**_

_What do we do from here?_

_**Well, now that you have taken a very big step, I suggest you talk to them about something that is often difficult for you.**_

_Like what?_

Alecto was quiet for a few moments. His dark crimson eyes briefly drifted over Hinata, who was fiddling with her fingers as she stared at the locket on the wall.

_**Your mother would be an excellent place to start.**_

_Why?_

_**Because of the Girl. She is very much like your mother, yes?**_

Shikamaru was quiet.

_Yeah…yeah, Hinata is a lot like her._

_**And both of you have already spoken of her before.**_

_Not that much though._

_**I know, but you have at least spoken a little bit of your mother to the Girl and to the Boy.**_

Shikamaru was quiet again and Alecto felt a steady pulse start in his temples.

_So I should talk about mom?_

_**If you wish, but I suggest you do. It would be a good place to start since they both have a general idea of your mother.**_

Silence.

_Get back here, you ass._

Neji felt the right side of his body heat up exponentially as Shikamaru's body was surrounded by a black aura again. He and Hinata panted slightly because of the already high temperature of the room, but even more so as Shikamaru and Alecto switched places. Neji brushed hair away from his eyes as he stared at Shikamaru, who ran a hand through his short choppy hair.

"Interesting conversation, I assume?" He asked, looking up at them with big dull eyes. Neji and Hinata nodded.

"We finally figured it out." Hinata said from around Neji, trying to sound sincere.

"So you didn't hear what we were talking about?" Neji asked. Shikamaru tilted his head from side to side.

"I heard a little bit at the beginning, but I can ignore what Alecto's doing and saying if I want to."

"So you were ignoring everything that we said?" Shikamaru nodded as he picked at his cuticle on his left hand. He began chewing on his nail.

Silence.

"I miss her." Neji and Hinata instantly knew that Shikamaru was talking about his mother. They decided to remain quiet, letting Shikamaru control the direction of the conversation. They noticed his thin hands start to shake as he continued to chew on his nail.

"I miss her so much." Shikamaru whispered as his voice cracked at the end. He sniffed and steadied his breathing.

Neji felt a strong tugging at his chest as he heard Shikamaru sniff again and brush a frail hand against his face. Neji went to comfort Shikamaru, but was surprised when he felt a soft yet firm grip on his right wrist. He turned back and realized that Hinata was preventing him from moving to Shikamaru. He quirked an eyebrow at her and was very surprised when she had a firm look in her pale eyes and features.

"Don't touch him." She mouthed, widening her eyes in a warning-manner. Neji stared at her in confusion.

"Why?" He mouthed back, Hinata noticing that her cousin was starting to get a little angry with her for preventing him from holding Shikamaru.

"Just don't." She mouthed again, the unusual look of firmness in her eyes sent a strange chill through Neji's body. Neji turned back towards Shikamaru.

Silence.

"You miss your mother?" He asked, making Shikamaru nod and sniff again.

"So much." He let out a small whimper. Neji pulled against Hinata's firm grip on his wrist, but was again surprised when she tugged heavily against him. He felt her dig her nails into his skin slightly, as though giving him another silent warning.

"I wish she was here." He sniffed again. "She promised she wouldn't leave me." He whimpered and chewed harder on one his nail. He began to rock his body slightly.

"Ouch, shit." Shikamaru hissed as he bit his nail too hard and nicked his skin, causing a small bit of blood to appear underneath his nail.

Hinata pulled a handkerchief as she stood, leaning over Neji to hand it to Shikamaru. The Nara turned his dull brown eyes up towards her and took the handkerchief delicately, a small embarrassed blush covering his face. He used to handkerchief to blot at the blood underneath his finger as a small gleam of light caught Hinata's eyes. She turned towards it.

It was Shikamaru's mother's locket.

Neji followed her gaze towards the locket and quirked an eyebrow as Hinata quietly walked over to it, gently taking it off the hook on the wall. As she turned around, Neji widened his pale eyes at her, silently asking her what the hell she was doing. She turned her gaze up to Shikamaru as she walked over to him, sitting between him and Neji.

"Here," She said cautiously, dangling the locket in front of Shikamaru's eyes.

Shikamaru stopped fiddling with his fingers as his dark eyes followed the side-to-side motion of the locket. His heart seemed to pound in his ears as the small silver heart swayed from side-to-side like a pendulum. He felt his surroundings fall away from him, as though the locket was putting him under some kind of spell.

**xXxXx**

_They were sitting on a pale-blue blanket near the bank of a pond in the park within the village. His mother placed two puzzle pieces into the puzzle as his big brown eyes followed her elegant fingers. He tapped his small fingers against the surface that their puzzle was on as he searched for the last few pieces to complete the boarder. _

"_Try this one." His mother soft voice said as she handed him a puzzle piece._

_He looked up at her with a curious look on his face, taking the piece from her and trying to figure out where in the boarder it went. She tapped her finger against a certain part of the puzzle, hinting of where the piece went. He placed it there and as it fit, he looked up at his mother with a new gleam of excitement in his eyes._

_She smiled kindly, her eyes softening._

"_Good job, Shika." _

"_Thank you, Mama." She chuckled._

"_Looks like we're done with the boarder, Kiddo." Shikamaru stretched his arms above his head and turned to look back at the pond, letting out a cry of excitement._

"_Mama, look!" He pointed at a mother duck leading her ducklings across the water. He jumped up and ran towards the pond, his mother following him hurriedly._

"_Shikamaru! Don't run off!" He didn't hear her as he stood at the edge of the pond, the sunlight reflecting in his big brown eyes._

_He bounced on the platforms of his feet excitedly, his eyes following the ducks swimming across the pond. His mother smiled at him as she tipped-toed quietly behind him. Shikamaru let out a scream of surprise and laughter as his mother grabbed him from behind and began tickling him._

"_Mama! Stop it!" He cried as he tried to get his mother to stop tickling him. His mother's bright emerald eyes shone down at him with fondness as she lifted him off the ground and held him across her mid-section._

"_My word you're getting big!" She laughed as she carried him back to their blanket._

_She dropped him on his feet and he flopped down ungracefully, staring at his mother with a wide smile as he fiddled with his fingers. His mother sat down on their blanket, running a hand through her long dark hair. She sat cross-legged in front of him, her dark brown hair falling in front of her bright emerald eyes. She laughed lightly as she shook her head._

"_Please don't go running off like that, you silly boy." Shikamaru's eyes shone._

"_Sorry, Mama. I won't do it again." She leaned forward and poked his nose playfully._

"_It's okay. You're my baby boy and I don't want you to get hurt."_

_Silence fell between them as his mother went back to working on their puzzle. Shikamaru's eyes dropped to the gleam of light on his mother's chest, where her locket laid. He had always been curious about her locket, but all he knew was that it had his baby picture inside. She mentioned that it had another picture inside it, but she never went into detail about it. His mother never took off the locket and when he would ask her why, she never answered. His brown eyes followed its pendulum-like motion._

"_Shikamaru?" His mother's soft voice broke through his thoughts. He made eye contact with her._

"_Yes, Mama?"_

"_What are you looking at? This?" She held up a blue puzzle piece. Shikamaru hesitated slightly._

"_Mama, why do you have that?" He pointed at her chest. She cast her eyes down and fiddled with the heart locket._

"_Come here." She said and Shikamaru crawled over to her, sitting in her lap as she held the heart out to him._

_She opened it._

"_This is you when you were a few months old." She pointed to his baby picture._

"_Who's that?" He pointed to his biological father. His mother was silent._

"_That's your biological father." He looked up at her, his head resting slightly against her shoulder._

"_Where is he?"_

"_I don't know."_

_Silence fell between them as Shikamaru fiddled with the closed locket. His mother's dark hair graced his back as he continued to stare at the silver locket._

"_Mama?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_How come you never take this off?" He felt her body stiffen. She gently took the heart out of his small hand and held it in her own._

"_It means a lot to me, Hun."_

"_What do you mean?" His mother suppressed a sigh._

"_I keep you and your father in my heart because I love you so much." She kissed the top of his head. He looked up at her, who was smiling fondly down at him as sunlight caught her eyes._

"_I love you too, Mama."_

"_I'm glad to hear that." Shikamaru made a kissing sound and blew a kiss up to his mother, smiling. She gasped dramatically._

"_That's for me?" She grabbed the kiss out of the air and placed it on her chest, over the locket. Shikamaru nodded._

"_Of course!" She hugged her son close to her, burying her face in his dark brown hair, inhaling his scent. She stared into nothingness as she felt Shikamaru grab her locket again. She pulled it away from him._

"_Stop that." Shikamaru frowned slightly._

"_Sorry." She smiled lightly._

"_It's quite alright." She paused as she stared into her son's big innocent brown eyes. She brushed his hair away from his face._

"_Mama, are you okay?" She smiled again._

"_Oh yes." She paused again as she looked down at the locket in her hand. She dangled it in front of her son._

"_You'll understand this when you're older."_

**xXxXx**

Shikamaru blinked rapidly, surprised to feel his eyes to be wet. He tossed Hinata's handkerchief to the side as he fiddled with his mother's locket. He felt Neji and Hinata eyeing him carefully.

"She said I would understand this whole locket thing when I was older."

"And do you?" Hinata asked, throwing Neji off with her steadiness. He quickly darted his eyes at the back of her head. Shikamaru nodded.

"She never took it off because she felt like it kept my biological father and I close to her heart because she loved us so much." Hinata smiled lightly.

"That makes sense." He looked up at her with glassy eyes.

"She always got defensive when I touched it." Hinata thought for a moment.

"Maybe she saw that as you touching her heart and somehow threatening to take you and your father out of her heart." Shikamaru furrowed his brow at her, thinking. Neji raised an eyebrow.

_Well that's an interesting thought._

"So maybe," Hinata continued carefully, looking at the locket in Shikamaru's frail fingers. "You can put a picture of your mother in the locket so that you can keep your mother close to your heart…kind of like how your mother saw it." Shikamaru's eyes narrowed slightly, but he remained quiet.

Hinata eyed him cautiously, carefully thinking through her words. She had been debating this thought for a little while, but now this time as a good opportunity to say something.

"She's your mother." Hinata said, causing Shikamaru to look back up at her.

"I know. I'm not stupid." Hinata felt her heart skip at the look of anger, but was surprised at the lack of heightened temperature in the room. She felt Neji poke her side lightly, as though giving her a silent warning. She ignored him.

"What I mean is that since she's your mother, you can't erase her from your life." Shikamaru's eyes narrowed again.

"I can try."

"But you can't." Neji grabbed her wrist with an alarmed look in his pale eyes. He was surprised that Hinata had directly challenged Shikamaru on his mother. He saw Shikamaru's grip tighten on the locket and his dark eyes become wet.

"I've been doing well so far."

"You can't erase half of your bloodline. She's part of who you are…Shikamaru…you can't get rid of her." She paused. "You have to accept what happened to her, not reject it."

"Hinata—"

"Just because you deny and reject what happened to her, doesn't mean that it never happened." Hinata continued, interrupting Neji.

Shikamaru's features softened dramatically. Hinata's words penetrated his heart and mind painfully, causing his throat to become tight with unshed tears.

_**She is correct, Child.**_

Shikamaru was quiet.

_**Child,**_

_I know._

It was Alecto's turn to be quiet.

_I know I can't get rid of my mother. I know that she's part of who I am. I know what happened to her, but I don't want to admit that I couldn't do anything. I don't want to admit that I didn't see it coming._

_**You were fifteen years old and she was your mother. She was good at hiding things from you and she wanted to keep it that way.**_

_Doesn't make it any easier._

_**I know.**_

"Shikamaru?" Hinata's soft voice broke through to him. He looked up at her, his brown eyes shining in the light.

"I know…I know what happened to her…but I don't want to let her go."

"Can't or won't?" Hinata asked, wanting to push him. A tear slid down Shikamaru's thin face.

"Both."

**NejiXShikamaru**

**Alright Gang,**

**I don't know why, but some parts of this chapter seem to be kind of "off" to me. I don't know how to explain it, but I just couldn't get some parts to flow very well.**

**I know that the update for this chapter was very long and I'm sorry.**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be greatly appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	24. Bring Her Back

**Dearest Readers,**

"**We'll be right back to our documentary, **_**Alien Oddities: ET and the Extra Testicle, **_**in just a second."**

***I have received a few reviews/PMs that had constructive criticism, but a little more criticism than I find necessary. I admittedly have a sensitive ego when it comes to my stories b/c they're MINE, but I do welcome CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. These reviews/PMs were aimed at the story itself and not me, but please respect my stories. Like I said, I welcome constructive criticism, not just criticism.**

**Read on, Folks.**

**Bring Her Back**

They had returned to the kitchen to leave Shikamaru with his thoughts. As Neji washed the dishes and inside of the sink, he couldn't help but feel aggravated. His brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed as he began to slightly slam the dishes around, taking out his aggravation. He avoided looking over at Hinata, who was writing at the kitchen table; although he saw his cousin give him a startled look when he began slamming things.

_What's the matter with him?_

Hinata's brow furrowed slightly as she looked down at her notebook, trying to figure out her cousin's behavior. She couldn't figure out why Neji seemed upset, but she figured that he was frustrated about Shikamaru's condition.

"What was all that about?" Neji finally said, breaking the silence. Hinata looked up at him with a confused look.

"What do you mean?" Neji turned towards her while drying his hands. She noticed the aggravated look on his face.

"Why did you push him like that?" Hinata was taken aback. So Neji was aggravated with her?

"I don't understand." Neji sighed lightly.

"You know that Shikamaru isn't in a good place, but you pushed him anyway." Hinata nodded slightly, looked down at her notebook as she closed it, and rested her hands on top of it as she gave Neji a steady look.

"He needed to be pushed." She said evenly, knowing that her statement would make Neji even more upset. Her cousin's eyes narrowed slightly more.

"Why? Pushing him like you did will just make him worse." Hinata shook her head.

"No it won't. It'll actually help him."

"How so?" Hinata noted the aggravated tone in his voice. She hesitated.

"Remember what we talked about a while ago?"

"You're going to have to be more specific, Hinata. We've talked about a lot of things." She shifted in her seat.

"Shikamaru has been learning how to be a manipulator. He knows that if he pushes you away, you won't push back because you're afraid of hurting him. Remember?" Neji nodded. "If we keep treating Shikamaru the way that we always have been, he won't make any improvements. He'll stay the same because nothing is changing."

Neji broke eye contact and leaned against the counter, thinking. He didn't like the idea of Shikamaru not making any improvements, but he also didn't like the idea of hurting Shikamaru either. He knew that Shikamaru wasn't a child and shouldn't be babied, but he couldn't help feeling protective of him. He understood that he couldn't protect Shikamaru from himself and that certainly didn't make his position any easier.

"He wants to change and get better." Hinata said. "He wants our help, but we're not helping him by treating him the same way that we always have been." Neji looked over at her. "Do you know the common phrase that describes insanity?"

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." Hinata nodded.

"Exactly, and that's basically what we've been doing."

Silence.

They heard the clock tick from down the hallway.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Neji stretched his neck.

"Shikamaru's been opening up a bit more about his mother." Hinata nodded again.

"So that's a great place to start."

"Just get him talking about his mom and things will start falling into place."

"Hopefully." Neji's cut his eyes over to her.

"Hopefully?"

"All of this doesn't stem from his mother's death. Even though it's obvious that her death was a significant part of his life, the abuse that he went through began way before her death and his self-destruction began sooner too from what I know."

"And he's obviously not willing to talk about the abuse." Hinata nodded in agreement.

"Right, but it's obvious that he's willing to talk about his mom, so we'll start from there and see what happens. We just need to push him a bit, but not be aggressive." Neji nodded, pulling the hair tie from his hair.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

"But," Neji started, hesitating. Hinata looked over at him.

"What?" Neji cleared his throat.

"How do you start a conversation like that?" Hinata leaned back in her seat, thinking. "How do you start a conversation about a parent's suicide?" Hinata rubbed her eyes.

"Improvise." Neji quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Improvise?" She looked up at him.

"There is no 'good' conversation starter for something like that. Yes, there are certain ways to go about talking about a parent's death, but not necessarily a suicide." She chuckled slightly. "There are countless books about talking to your kids about sex, but not about death." Neji chuckled as well.

"Sex isn't as depressing."

"True." Brief silence fell between them.

"So should we go talk to him now?" Neji asked.

"Let's have some tea first. Maybe Shikamaru would want some too."

**xXxXx**

Shikamaru continued to fiddle with his mother's locket, thinking. He opened it up and stared at the pictures inside, his dull brown eyes making comparisons between himself and his biological father. He's always wanted to meet his real father, but didn't really want to get through Tsunade to find him. He remembered what his mother told him about his real father. He remembered her fond tone of voice she would use and the small smile that would grace her lips whenever she talked about his real father.

_It was obvious that she still loved him. I know that they split because he wasn't ready to be a father, but why didn't he at least keep contact with us?_

He brushed a thin fingertip over his father's picture and closed the locket, looking up out the window. It was sunny. He reached behind him and placed the locket on his nightstand, and then he got on his knees and opened the window. He smiled lightly when he was greeted with a breath of fresh warm air, the sun blinding him slightly. He breathed in deeply, wincing when he felt pain surge through his chest.

He sneezed.

He looked at the clear blue sky and listened to the birds flying near him. He remembered the times when his mother would take him to the park. He remembered his favorite hill. He forgot the last time he's been outside.

A strong warm gust of wind made its way into his bedroom, rustling papers and his hair in the process. He smiled lightly again as he let his hair hanging messily in his face. Shikamaru continued to stand on his knees, crossing his thin scarred arms on the windowsill, and resting his chin on top. He looked lazily at everything outside. Another gentle breeze blew and messed up his short choppy hair even more.

He smiled lightly.

**xXxXx**

Hinata knocked lightly and opened the door, surprised to see Shikamaru on his knees and leaning against the windowsill, staring outside. She placed a cup of tea on his nightstand next to his mother's locket.

"It's beautiful outside." Shikamaru said quietly, making Hinata nod.

"Oh yes, Neji just went outside for a little bit. I made you some tea." Shikamaru turned around to look at her.

"Thank you." He said, shifting to sit closer to his nightstand and picking up the cup of tea, drinking it quietly.

Hinata was surprised by the new kind of brightness that Shikamaru seemed to show, not understanding the change. Her eyes shifted to the open window and figured that maybe that had something to do with it in a way. She looked back at Shikamaru, noticing that he was swishing his tea around slightly.

"Is this a different kind?" Hinata nodded.

"Yes, I found it in the market yesterday and figured I'd try it." Shikamaru shifted to move off the bed.

"I like it, but I'm going to put a little bit of honey in it because it's a little bit too bitter." Hinata reached for his mug.

"Yeah, it's a little bit bitter. How much honey do you want?"

"I can get it." Shikamaru said, pushing himself off the bed sluggishly. Hinata was taken aback by the soft undertone of assertiveness in his still weak voice.

_Well this is nice._

Hinata followed him slowly to the kitchen, secretly excited about Shikamaru's strange change in behavior. However, she's been around him long enough to know that this change might not last long, but she still had hope.

"Want some?" Shikamaru asked as he poured a little honey into his tea. Hinata shook her head.

"No thanks. I try to not put honey or anything in my tea even though this kind is somewhat bitter."

"It's nice though." Shikamaru said into his teacup, testing to see if he put in enough honey. Silence fell between them as Shikamaru put the honey back in the cabinet and ran a hand through his hair.

"Where did you say Neji went?"

"He just went outside for a little bit. He left about half an hour ago." Shikamaru began to make his way back towards his bedroom, but stopped. Hinata gazed at him thoughtfully. She saw Shikamaru shake his head slightly and continue walking.

_I wonder what that was about. _

**xXxXx**

He placed his teacup on the windowsill and knelt in front of the window again, leaning against the sill. He had made another comparison between Hinata and his mother. They were both "all natural" kind of people and had a preference for a wide variety of teas.

_**Hello, Child. I see that you are doing a bit better today.**_

_Yeah and I don't know why._

_**Do you need a reason?**_

Shikamaru was quiet for a moment.

_**You and your mother would spend days like this outside. You are remembering happy memories.**_

_Some of my best memories were when we spent the whole day outside, especially at the park._

_**These are nice things to remember, Child.**_

Alecto paused.

_**You should tell the Girl about them.**_

Shikamaru felt Alecto's presence fade away. He drank the remainder of his tea and stared down at the mug, a light breeze rustling his hair.

He smiled lightly.

He looked up at the silver spark on his nightstand and felt his throat tighten. He desperately wished his mother was here with him. Days like this just weren't the same without her. He missed how the sun would make his mother's emerald green eyes light up and how the wind would make her long dark hair fall in her smiling face. His throat tightened even more and he sniffed, looking back out the window. Another warm breeze blew by a dried the beginning of tears in his eyes.

Even with glassy eyes, he smiled lightly.

**xXxXx**

When he walked into the living room, he began to tiptoe towards the kitchen, seeing that Hinata had fallen asleep on the couch. As quietly as he could, he began to make another pot of tea. When he opened the cabinet, he raised his eyebrows in surprise at how many kinds of tea were staring back at him. He decided to grab a random kind and began to make it.

Hinata blinked her pale eyes open as she heard someone move around in the kitchen. She figured that Neji had come back from his time outside and shifted on the couch, closing her eyes again. She opened her eyes again when she heard the person sneeze; definitely knowing that Neji didn't sneeze that way. She smiled lightly when she realized that Shikamaru was up, but she was far too comfortable to move from her place on the couch.

She listened to Shikamaru move around in the kitchen and felt as though he was making his way towards her. She blinked her eyes open and saw that Shikamaru had just placed a cup of tea on the floor next to her. He stood slowly with his own cup and looked bashfully away from her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." Hinata smiled slightly and sat up, stretching.

"Don't worry about it. Thanks." She said as she reached for her cup on the ground, blowing the steam off of it.

"You always make some for me, so I thought that I would return the favor. And I didn't put anything in it." He added with a light smile, surprising her. Hinata chuckled slightly as she took a sip.

"Thanks, I appreciate that." Shikamaru turned away from her and she thought that he was about to head back to his bedroom but was pleasantly surprised when he curled up on the other couch, leaning against the arm. Hinata lay back down as well.

"Mind if I join you?" He asked lazily and Hinata laughed.

"Of course not, this is your place after all." They sat in comfortable silence. Shikamaru stared out the window as Hinata closed her eyes again.

_**You can do it. Just start talking and let it go from there.**_

"My mother was an 'all natural' kind of person too." Shikamaru started, making Hinata snap her eyes open.

"What?" She asked, making sure that she had heard him correctly.

"My mother didn't like putting stuff in her tea either. She was a tea fanatic too. I can't tell you how many boxes she had." He said with a fond tone. Hinata felt her mouth go dry.

_He's going to start talking about her._

"She wasn't necessarily a health nut, but she knew how to take care of us and was basically a food expert. She liked literature too, but I think she liked food more." Hinata eyed him carefully.

"On days like this," He nodded towards the window. "We would spend the whole day outside, especially at the park. That was our favorite place to go. And there's a hill there too that was our favorite spot." His throat began to tighten. Hinata sat up on the couch slightly.

"That's still my favorite spot." He continued. "We were either on the hill or by the lake. We would take our blanket, a basket, and a few other things and just spend the whole day outside." He paused. "It was nice." He forced out, feeling his throat tighten again. Hinata's eyes softened, choosing to remain quiet. She saw Shikamaru's delicate fingers wrap tightly around his tea mug as his eyes remained fixed on the window.

"She was a very beautiful woman, both inside and out." Shikamaru said. "She never said anything mean about anyone. She never raised her voice. Even when she was irritated or annoyed, she barely showed it." He cleared his throat. He looked over at Hinata and locked eyes with her.

"If there was such a thing as 'perfect,' it would be her. In my eyes, she was perfect." His voice cracked and he looked out the window, leaving Hinata blown away. The bond Shikamaru had with his mother was much stronger and unique than she originally thought. She wasn't sure if she should say something.

"Whenever we would go outside, she glowed. She just seemed so bright." Shikamaru shook his head slightly. "She was my light in the dark [1]. Being with her was the only time I felt safe." His voice cracked again. Hinata felt her chest tighten at Shikamaru's words.

"I only felt safe when she was with me. She was the one who would make my nightmares go away during the night. She was the one who saw my accomplishments. She was the one who deeply cared and loved me." He sniffed. "She was the only light in my life." He brushed a hand underneath his eyes and cleared his throat. Hinata chose to remain quiet even though she saw Shikamaru slip away into his thoughts.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

_**You are doing so well, Child. Keep going.**_

"After she died," Shikamaru continued, but stopped when his throat clamped shut and his eyes became glassy. Hinata continued to eye him carefully, but glanced down at her tea mug when she heard Shikamaru sniff. Shikamaru cleared his throat.

"After she died, it was like I died too. Everything became completely dark because the light had died. The only form of light and love I had in my life had left and I knew I was never going to have anything like that again." Hinata's mind drifted to her cousin. She chose to remain quiet, figuring that mentioning Neji wasn't a good idea and that Shikamaru needed to talk as much as possible.

"You don't understand," Shikamaru said in a slightly angry tone. "Every shred of light, love, and hope that I had in my life left the day my mother died. I died that day too. She killed us both." He stopped and rubbed his eyes again. He looked over at Hinata with glassy eyes.

"She was my light. She was the only light in the dark." He repeated. He sniffed and looked away from Hinata, who was biting her lower lip. Silence fell between them.

Shikamaru curled up more into the couch, looking down into his empty tea mug. He focused on his breathing as his throat closed with building emotions and blinked quickly as his eyes became wet. He saw his mother's emerald green eyes and her long dark hair. He saw her bright smile. He heard her soft gentle voice. He felt her hands over his. He felt her arms around him. Shikamaru released a sob as his emotions and tears leaked through.

Hinata sat up and began to heavily debate in her mind if she should physically comfort Shikamaru. She couldn't help it, so she stood and sat by his feet, placing a soft comforting hand on his knee. She felt him stiffen beneath her touch and considered pulling away but didn't as she felt Shikamaru relax. He looked up at her with big teary eyes. It broke her heart.

"I miss her so much." He whispered. "I can't tell you how much I miss her. I want her back." Hinata tightened her grip on his knee as she felt him shake. She still remained quiet.

"I know I can't erase her from my life," He continued. "And ever since she died, I didn't want to admit what she did. I didn't want to accept what happened." He stopped. Hinata steadied herself.

"And now?" She pushed. He looked up at her.

"I didn't want to think about anything that reminded me of her." Shikamaru continued, avoiding her question. "Eventually, that worked. I didn't make comparisons with her anymore. I didn't see or notice anything that would remind me of her." He looked up at her. "I didn't want to think about her, so I trained myself not to. According to Alecto, I eventually 'forgot' how to make comparisons between my mother and other things that would remind me of her." Hinata raised her eyebrows briefly, impressed that Shikamaru could train his mind to that extent.

"But," Shikamaru continued. "I…I want to think about her." He locked eyes with Hinata. She never really thought that a gaze could hold as much intensity and emotion as the gaze that Shikamaru was giving her now.

"Why now?" She asked. He blinked and broke eye contact to look out the window over her shoulder.

"You remind me of her." She was taken aback. Shikamaru shifted and she lifted her hand from his knee as he sat cross-legged, placing his mug on the floor. He fiddled with his thin fingers. Hinata continued cautiously.

"So…having me around...reminds you of your mother?" He nodded.

"Like I said, you're a lot like her." Hinata blushed. Silence fell between them again.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

"I miss her." Shikamaru repeated, staring at his hands. "I want her back." Hinata felt a painful jab in her chest at the sadness in Shikamaru's voice. She smiled softly and carefully she reached over and grabbed Shikamaru's hands. He looked up at her.

"I don't think she truly went anywhere." Shikamaru's brow furrowed in confusion.

"What?"

"I think, in a way, she's still here. Obviously not in a physical way, but you carry her with you everywhere you go. She's always been with you and she always will be. Love is kind of strange like that." She paused, seeing her words impacting Shikamaru. She tightened her grip on his hands.

"I can't understand what it's like to be in your place." She added. "I wasn't there when she passed away. I don't understand that pain. Look at me," She pushed gently, making Shikamaru lock eyes with her.

"I think that it feels like she left you because you've been pushing her away. You've trained yourself to not think about her, which I think makes you feel like she left." Shikamaru looked away from her and down to her hands that were still holding his. He closed his eyes and thought about what she was saying, never thinking this way. He sniffed and released a quiet sob.

"Shikamaru," Hinata said quietly, shaking their hands. He looked up at her, making Hinata's heart break at the sight of pure pain. "You can have your mother back." His eyes briefly widened.

"I-I can?" She nodded with a light smile.

"I think you can have your mother back…you just have to let her."

Shikamaru squeezed his eyes shut and looked down, feeling the tears come because of Hinata's words. He's never thought this way before. Could he really have his mother back? He understood what Hinata meant by 'letting' his mother come back: he had to process what she did and talk about her. He had to feel the things that his mother's life and death caused. Only then could he truly have some sense of closure and peace. Only then could he feel like he had his mother with him.

He sniffed and released another sob as he felt a few tears slip from his eyes. He felt himself shake and Hinata's grip tighten on his hands. She really was very similar to his mother. Before he could really think about what he was doing, he shifted and held Hinata's hands. He felt her stiffen but then relax. He needed some sense of comfort. He couldn't find the words to express what he was feeling and he didn't know how to tell her what her words have done to him.

Hinata tried to hide her smile when Shikamaru held her hands. She had an idea of what the gesture meant and it only made her squeeze his hands again and rub the back of one of his hands with her thumb. She knew that Shikamaru didn't understand how to emotionally process what was happening, and in truth, she didn't know how to express what she was feeling either. She was blown away, encouraged, and warmed by Shikamaru opening up in a more intimate way. She honestly didn't expect for him to open up as much as he did. She heard Shikamaru sniff. She squeezed and shook his hands again.

"You can have your mother back…you just have to let her."

**xXxXx**

**Boom. As a painful reminder, I'm not good with updates. I know they're frustrating and I deeply apologize. **

***Things are going to start picking up from here. With that said, it may seem like I'm rushing the story from here on out, but I'm not. I actually think I've dragged this on a little bit in some parts -_-;**

***I reread this story and realized that I've made a few errors, but I'm not going to go back and fix them. The errors aren't "glaring" and they don't affect the story too much, so I'm just going to leave them.**

**[1]: My own little twist of a lyric from "Real Life Fairytale" by Plumb**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be very appreciated.**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


	25. The Heart

**Dearest Readers,**

"**I may be fat, but I can still bend over far enough so that you can kiss my ass."**

***The chapter is going to be set up a bit like chapter 21 in the sense that there's a song. DO NOT TELL ME IF I MESS UP THE LYRICS. Also, I will site the song at the end of the chapter as well.**

**SONG: "My Heart Is Broken" by Evanescence**

**Read on, Folks.**

**The Heart**

They sat in comfortable silence on opposite ends of the couch, each lost in their own head. As Hinata was making the tea, Shikamaru had trotted back to his bedroom and grabbed his notebook, and was now curled up on one end of the couch. Hinata had placed a cup of tea on the floor next to him as he tapped his pen against his lips, a deep thoughtful gleam in his eyes.

Shikamaru was surprised that Neji was still gone. Usually he doesn't stay out for very long, but he figured that Neji was feeling cooped up and needed to get out for a while. He stared at the blank page in front of him, tapping the pen against his lips. He had found that he felt a strange sense of relief when he talked to Hinata about his mother. He was being bombarded by memories of his mother and Hinata's words echoed in his head.

He sighed and made a little scribble in the corner of the page.

He felt different, but he couldn't describe it. Even after just one conversation with Hinata about his mother, he felt things that he didn't quite understand. He felt some tension leave his thin body and a bizarre sense of relief in his mind.

_**Talking about it is what is making you feel like this.**_

_It feels kind of weird._

_**I would have been surprised if it did not. You have kept a death-grip on virtually every aspect of your life, but now you are releasing your grip on your mother.**_

_But Hinata said I can have her back._

_**And she is correct, but what I mean is that you are releasing your grip on your mother in the sense that you are talking about her.**_

_But—_

_**Think of it as introducing your mother to the Boy and Girl.**_

Shikamaru paused.

_Introducing her?_

_**Yes, they do not know a whole lot about her do they? So in order to have your mother back, you need to talk about her. Get the Boy and Girl to know her.**_

_So—_

_**You have been pushing your mother away for so long that you cannot make comparisons with her anymore…until now. Since you have been pushing her away since she died, it feels as though she left.**_

_This goes back to what Hinata was saying, doesn't it? Mom didn't really go anywhere, but I made it seem as though she has._

_**Very good. So in order to "let" her come back, you have to talk about her. Since you need to talk about her and the Boy and Girl will listen, you should introduce your mother to them.**_

He paused.

_**The Girl said that she does not understand what kind of pain you are experiencing because of your mother.**_

_Right._

_**So make her understand.**_

_How?_

He felt Alecto's presence fade away. Shikamaru's eyes focused back on the blank sheet of paper. He began to feel his mind and emotions "work together," giving him the things he needed to write.

Hinata felt a smile cross her face when she heard Shikamaru writing. She continued to read herbal recipes and making notes in the process. She had also been surprised that Neji had not returned yet. It wasn't like him to stay away for so long, but she figured that he needed fresh air and space, much like herself.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Hinata's ears perked when she noticed that Shikamaru's writing seemed to become more frantic. She glanced up at him and that his brow was furrowed as he stared intently on his words. She smiled again, glad that Shikamaru was writing and venting.

Shikamaru sniffed and then sneezed. Hinata looked up at him, startled. Her sensitive eyes saw the glassiness in Shikamaru's eyes and wondered what the young man was thinking…possibly something about his mother.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

He dropped his pen and stretched his arms over his head, releasing a small groan. He stood, placed his open notebook where he had been sitting, and picked up his tea mug off the floor. Hinata looked up at him with a soft smile and Shikamaru pointed to her mug on the floor, silently asking if she wanted more tea. She nodded politely and handed Shikamaru her mug.

As Shikamaru was in the kitchen, Hinata strained her eyes to look at what he had written. She couldn't quite read the words, but she did notice how his handwriting changed towards the bottom of the page. She leaned back as she heard Shikamaru shuffle back into the living room, handing her mug to her. Hinata saw a wide variety of emotions swirling in Shikamaru's dark eyes, but chose to remain quiet.

"I wonder why Neji has been gone for so long." Shikamaru mused finally, breaking the silence. Hinata shrugged.

"I don't know. I'm sure he'll be back soon though." Silence fell between them again.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

"What are you reading?" Shikamaru asked, making Hinata look up at him.

"Herbal recipes." She replied, pleasantly surprised that Shikamaru wanted to have an actual conversation.

"Find any good ones?" She nodded excitedly.

"Oh yes, plenty of them. I've been marking the ones I want to try. Plus," She reached to the table behind her and grabbed another book. "I bought this other book that I'm going to read through as well."

"And what's that one?"

"Other recipes." She blushed. "I like reading recipes and anything herbal related. I like medicine in general." She gave him a bright smile. Shikamaru felt himself soften as Hinata's demeanor reminded him of another special woman.

"I have tons of books like that up there." He said, pointing to the top shelf of the tall bookshelf to his right. Hinata's eyes brightened.

"Why didn't I notice those sooner?" She asked in a joking tone, smiling again.

Shikamaru's eyes lingered on the health books and he slowly placed his tea mug on the floor and stood, walking over to the bookshelf. He read the titles of the health books on the top shelf and pulled a few down, having to stand on the very tips of his toes. He felt Hinata's curious stare on him. Walking back towards her, he placed the books on the couch between them. He tapped his delicate fingers on the top one.

"These are my mother's. She collected tons of books like classic stuff and recipe books." He tapped his fingers again. "You can read through them if you want. I'm sure you'll find something you like." He hesitated, his eyes darkening slightly. "The ones I have were some of her favorites. I wasn't able to grab anymore." Hinata nodded, knowing that Shikamaru had ran away from home and couldn't take many things with him.

"Thank you, Shikamaru. I appreciate you letting me read them." Shikamaru gave a huffed laugh.

"She would've really liked you. She probably would've thrown them at you if she knew you liked them too." He said in a small joking manner. Hinata was taken aback by the burst of positivity.

Shikamaru continued to lightly tap his fingers on top of the stack of books, lost in thought. Hinata eyed him carefully, wondering if Shikamaru would say any more. He blinked rapidly and slowly reached for the notebook that he placed on the back of the couch. He stared at it in his delicate hands, still thinking. Hinata felt her heart pound in her chest. Giving himself a small nod of confirmation, he gently placed the notebook on top of the stack of health books and stood, grabbing his tea mug in the process.

"That's other reading material if you want it." He mumbled, not looking at her. He shuffled back towards his bedroom, leaving Hinata with his written thoughts.

**xXxXx**

Hinata pushed the other books away from her and laid the notebook flat on the couch, her heart pounding. She couldn't describe what she was feeling about the fact that Shikamaru was letting her read more of his deeper thoughts and allowing her inside his head. She listened to make sure that Shikamaru really was away from her before turning to read what he had written.

_**My Heart Is Broken**_

_I will wander 'til the end of time, torn away from you._

Hinata automatically knew that Shikamaru was talking about his mother.

_I pulled away to face the pain.  
I close my eyes and drift away  
Over the fear that I will never find  
A way to heal my soul.  
And I will wander 'til the end of time  
Torn away from you._

She felt her eyes and heart soften. Shikamaru was talking about the beginning process of dealing with his mother's death. She was slightly confused by the first line. She knew that Shikamaru did everything he could to avoid thinking about his mother, but he didn't do that to confront the pain; he did that so he wouldn't have to deal with it. It was the second, third, and fourth lines that struck her the most. She bit her lip and continued.

_My heart is broken  
Sweet sleep, my Dark Angel  
Deliver us from sorrow's hold  
(Over my heart)._

She rubbed her eyes and held her face. "Sweet sleep, my Dark Angel." She remembered how Shikamaru described his mother as being a kind of light and how dark his world became when she died…when she went to "sleep." To her, this stanza told her how Shikamaru understood that he must talk about his mother in order to healthily cope with her death. She remembered telling him that he can have his mother back if he would let her… "deliver" him from the sorrow and pain he feels because of her death. But her heart dropped when she saw "us." Why was he using third person?

_I can't go on living this way  
But I can't go back the way I came  
Chained to this fear that I will never find  
A way to heal my soul  
And I will wander 'til the end of time  
Half alive without you_

She released a smell yelp of happiness when she read the first line. Shikamaru mentions a fear that he has talked about in relation to his mother. He's mentioned the fear of changing, but not the fear of actually getting better. The way he talks about this fear, it could have multiple meanings. The last line reminded her of when Shikamaru felt like he died as well when his mother died. It seemed as though Shikamaru was saying that he truly didn't want to live his self-destructive lifestyle anymore. Hinata's hopeful smile grew.

_My heart is broken  
Sweet sleep, my Dark Angel  
Deliver us_

Shikamaru's dark angel is his mother, but two things were bothering her. Why was she a "dark" angel when he's said that she was bright? And why was he using third person again?

_Change _

_Open your eyes to the light  
I denied it all so long, oh so long  
Say goodbye, goodbye_

Hinata's eyes widened at the word "goodbye," but now she was confused as to why Shikamaru said "your." He's saying that he's been denying the light for so long and that he needs to say goodbye…maybe. She couldn't quite make out if he was saying goodbye or if he's saying someone else should say goodbye…he's probably telling the "your" person to say goodbye…she didn't quite understand. She continued on.

_My heart is broken  
Release me_

_I can't hold on_

Hinata's brow furrowed. Did he mean that his mother has such a paralyzing grip on him and he's telling her to release him from it? And is he saying that he can't hold on to her anymore? But they've discussed how Shikamaru can still have his mother with him, but only in memory. So it sounds like he wants his mother's death to let go of him and that he doesn't want to hold on to it anymore. He wants the pain to let go of him and he wants to let go of the pain.

_My heart is broken  
Sweet sleep, my Dark Angel  
Deliver us from sorrow's hold [1]_

Her eyes focused in on "us" again, not understanding why Shikamaru is using third person. She closed the notebook and flopped back against the couch with her eyes closed. Over the course of a few months, she felt like this was probably the biggest breakthrough. The conversations she's had with him and the first song he wrote were insightful, but it was this song that offered so much to her.

She was blown away, not only by her own emotions, but also by Shikamaru's raw honesty and word choice. She smiled, knowing that Neji would be thrilled. She stretched and rubbed her eyes. Hinata kept the notebook on her chest and began to feel herself drift off into a nice nap.

Her eyes snapped open and a bright smile crossed her face as she heard the door open.

**xXxXx**

**[1]: "My Heart Is Broken" by Evanescence (I took a stanza out at the end, but that's the only change I did)**

**As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be very much appreciated!**

**When-Rabbit-Howls**


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